Wednesday 18 June 2008

From outside the bleedin' door, May begs Dorn ter let 'er make amends. She rambles on about Dorn needin' time for 'erself, and offers ter help 'er 'ave a look after Summer, right, and sayin' that Dorn is leavin' 'er wiv any bloke wile she and 'er fiance argue in the bloody middle of the square. Dorn says May is never copping 'er 'ands on Summer (then Dorn realises that she 'as no idea where Summer actually is. Mickey 'as taken the baby ter the Vic and left 'er on the bloomin' rub-a-dub seat wile 'e gets drinks and generally knees-ups. The bloomin' baby contest is bein' judged and Summer wins, right, and Dorn runs in, grabs the bloomin' baby and runs oray, init?She tells Jase ter call the bobbies. He asks why - woss 'e sposed ter tell them, eh, squire? He gives in, init? Dorn sulks and the bloomin' bobbies say May 'asn't done anyfink wrong so there is nuffink they can do, init?Dorn tells Jase ter get out, right, he 'as left 'er. He says nuffink 'as changed, right, but she says it 'as and she don't want ter see 'im again. He asks if she is sure and she says yes. Dorn locks all the doors and panics. Bianca is still puttin' letters in envelopes, right, and gets 'er kids and Pat ter help, by callin' them ungrateful. Pat says she's wotchin' a film and Bianca says 'er 'ands are free. Abi pretends ter be ill because she is sulkin' that 'er favver only sent 'er a present and probably ain't plannin' on visitin', and Tanya cotches 'er puttin' 'er thermometer on the light bulb ter heat it up. Abi wails that maybe she is just like 'er favver, and will Tanya frow 'er out too. She runs off and Tanya can't find 'er. She ringgs Jack and 'e finds Abi in 'idin' and asks 'er if she wants ter talk. She says no, and 'e picks 'er up in a fireman's lift. She screams and cries wen she gets hammer and tack and Tanya tells Jack that it were inappropriate, right, and wot does 'e fink 'e's doin', isit?[Obviously treatin' 'er like 'is own kid ain't gahn over too well.] Ian is now doin' the food at the bloomin' rub-a-dub for their Mae West of British evenin'. The chuffin' merry-go-round 'asn't turned up, but the chuffin' British beer and the pillory 'ave. Ian wonders why 'e can't cop hold of Jane, because May 'as locked 'er in the bloomin' back room of the bleedin' chippy. Ian gets worried. He tells Bianca ter take over the sandwiches, alffough she ain't sposed ter be workin' at the moment. She and Christian jokingly lock Ian in the stocks and pelt 'im. Lucy goes 'ome wiv 'er boychina and finds it empty so they plan ter have sex. Lucy suddenly gets cold feet and says she forgot ter get condoms. Ollie says 'e 'as some and produces some "extra strong" ones. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Lucy makes 'im 'ave a shower and tidy 'is teeff first, wile she gets the chuffin' lounge comfortable, right, sayin' 'e can use the bloomin' blue tooffbrush (she don't tell 'im it's Ian's). She is stallin' for ages until she 'ears the bloomin' door and then she grabs Ollie and pulls 'im on top of 'er just in time for Ian ter walk in on them. Fu 19 June 2008 Jase is out 'ave a lookin' for May, and 'ears Jane shoutin' from the bleedin' chip shop, and she tells them that May locked 'er in and she runs ter Dorn's 'ave a lookin' for May, init?May goes ter Dorn's and 'its Mickey on the head wiv an iron bar, knockin' 'im unconscious, right, and Dorn runs up the apples and pears wiv the baby. May follows and the baby 'as a nasty rash and May tells Dorn that it's 'er fault - she put fake tan and the baby 'as an allergic reaction, do wot guvnor! Dorn is relieved that it's not meningitis, and says she don't put fake tan on evry day. May says Dorn don't deserve 'er, right, and woss she gonna do for 'er second birffday, piercings, then, eh, mate? Dorn insists she is a good mum. May asks if Dorn will tell the bloody baby that she wanted ter abort 'er, right, or sell 'er off, right, and Dorn asks if May would tell the bloomin' baby that she paid for 'er. May says she'd tell the baby she would 'appily pay any price ter have 'er. May points out Dorn is keepin' the baby in this 'ovel wiv 'er latest loser boymucker, and she'll drop 'er knickers for any man wiv a flash car (Rob), right, and wot life does the bleedin' baby 'ave ter 'ave a look forward to, luv? May locks the bedroom door and takes the key. Dorn frantically says 'er fiancee will be 'ere soon, and May knows nuffink about 'im. May smugly reveals that Jase were 'er painter and 'e let 'er 'old Summer and even said she 'ad a right ter see 'er baby. Dorn realises that May is "Jenny" and starts ter cry and shout at May ter leave them alone, init?The baby starts wailin'. May and Dorn ramble on a bit and argue some more. Dorn refuses ter let May touch the bleedin' baby so May kicks 'er ankle and takes the bloody baby and says she can always 'ave anuvver baby, tarts like 'er always can, init?Dorn tries ter nick the bloody key back, but May is too quick and opens the door, and leaves, but Mickey 'as come round and manages ter grab the baby and they lock May out of the bleedin' bedroom. She finds an axe and tries ter smash the chuffin' door, ravver ineffectually. Pat loses 'er ringg and they fink it must be in an envelope so they ask Mr Masood ter open the post box (illegally), and they cop all the letters out and open them, and then reseal them. Then Bianca notices that 'er 5-year ole ffievin' wee brat is wearin' Pat's ringg. Bianca screeches at 'er kids, sayin' she is sick of the sight of them, right, just go. Right. They do, and later she 'as ter wander 'round the chuffin' square 'ave a lookin' for them. Wen she finds the bloody children eventually, she berates Ricky for 'ave a lookin' after them wen they were wanderin' 'round, right, and she takes them for ice cream. She frows the envelopes in the bloody bin. Jack visits Tanya wiv a peace offerin' and games for Abi, and says 'e will cop ffem a takeoray. Evry geezer is sulky and ignorin' 'im. I'll get out me spoons. Abi 'ides up the apples and pears. She wails that 'er favver don't care about 'er, and Tanya says that 'er favver made a promise that if they right needed 'im, in an emergency, right, she will text 'im come 'ome, right, and 'e would come, init?Abi asks if she will do it now, and Tanya says no, he needs time ter sort 'imself out, right? She goes on about 'ow 'er birffday is no fun wivout 'er favver, it's not like the fun knees-ups they 'ad wiv Dad, remember the karaoke. Jack is wanderin' 'round, and 'ears them chattin' on the chuffin' apples and pears. He takes them ter the club and turns on the bleedin' lights and offers them karaoke and DJin'. Lucy tells Ian she is leavin' 'ome and Ian says she's too yung ter have a sexual relationship, any adult would tell 'er that. She says no, Christian didn't. Ian goes straight ter the Vic and punches Christian. They 'ave an 'eated chat about 'ow ter trust Lucy. Jane and Ian go 'ome and Christian comes ter say sorry, and for wot it's worff 'e don't fink Lurch did anyfink wiv Muppet. Lucy takes a whistle and flutecase and rucksack and says she is leavin', right, anyfink is better than livin' 'ere. Ian begs Christian ter let 'er stay wiv 'im, as she listens ter him. As they leaves Ian asks 'im ter 'ave a look after 'er, addin' sadly that Christian will probably do a better Uncle Bob than 'e can. Christian. May goes into the bloomin' Millers' kitchen and cries over the birffday presents. Up the apples and pears, Mickey says 'e 'as 'is dog and bone and can call the bobbies, but then 'e falls over unconscious again. May turns on the chuffin' gas and singgs ter herself a bit then flicks 'er lighter on and the house explodes