Wednesday 11 June 2008

Part 1 Bianca is slow and cheeky ter customers in the café, right, where Chelsea is winin' ter Lucas about 'ow unreasonable 'er muvver is bein' about the bloody drugs. Ian don't go ter work, because 'e is wotchin' Lucy and Ollie wotchin' TV and snugglin' on the sofa, where she is pretendin' ter be ill. Wen she sends Ollie up the apples and pears ter get 'er duvet, Ian says if there is any suggestion of them 'avin' sex ... Lucy retorts that if 'e frows out Ollie, she will leave too. Dorn flirts wiv Jase 'oo teases Dorn about Jenny (May's false name) bein' mately ter him and then says 'e is only teasin', he is just gonna give 'er the bloomin' invoice. Wen Jase gets there, he finds 'er on the floor unconscious next ter an empty alcohol bottle. Jase wakes 'er up and May wines that she lost 'er baby and one drink is never enough ter help wiv the bloody pain. Jase says 'e knows wot she is gahn frough, and she don't believe 'im, but 'e says 'e couldn't spot his son for years, but it's Not so bad now, and maybe she should spot her baby, do wot guvnor! She says the bleedin' new muvver wouldn't like it. Brenda phones Charlie ter reconsider their relationship, and offers ter meet again, init?She says she 'as a secret too, and Charlie is too afraid ter meet 'er. She comes ter his 'ouse and asks why 'e stood 'er up. She shows 'im 'er secret, wich is that she is in the Salvation Army. She plays a loud brass instrument and Jean moans and tells 'er ter keep quiet. Charlie takes 'er ter the Vic and Shirley tells Brenda that Charlie is a regular Loffario. Then, Charlie makes an innocent offer ter let Brenda stay the chuffin' night, and she takes it as an innuendo and insult and flounces off. Bradley is upset by 'is boss flirtin' wiv 'im on an official memo. He asks Mickey's advice, and Mickey finks it is like the start of a romantic film. Bradley nervously avoids 'is boss. Maggie goes ter the café and asks for a latte and Bianca says "yer'll be lucky." Wen Maggie complains that she is in an 'urry, Bianca suddenly and inexplicably shrieks at evry bloke "get out, right, we’re closed." Bianca goes ter the rub-a-dub and Mickey goes ter find Ian and ask for 'is brass back. Ian finds Bianca sittin' 'round in the Vic, and she says she wants more brass. Maggie finds Bradley and tells 'im that she wants 'im ter go ter dinner tonight, and Bradley tries ter decline, sayin' if it's just social... Vinnie announces the Vic five-a-side footie team: Jack, right, Christian, Billy, right, Masood and Claire. Ian is annoyed that 'e lost 'is place ter a girl. He 'ave a looks after the bloomin' café but rushes 'ome ter check up on Lucy and Ollie evry now and then - findin' them wotchin' a child's TV programme, right, Teletubbies, right? Chelsea is workin' in the Wee Mart until she 'as paid hammer and tack Patrick. Denise makes a nasty comment wen she goes in, and Chelsea cries and calls Lucas, right, and 'e comforts 'er. Dot spots Bradley rehearsin' wot 'e's gonna say ter Maggie in the bloody mirror, and quickly backs out before 'e spots 'er. Later, Dot persuades 'im that it ain't part of 'is Uncle Bob ter do business dinners, and Stacey will be at the singles night at the bloody Vic. Cor blimey guv! He agrees wiv 'er and texts Maggie, right, ffen goes ter the Vic. Dot goes ter the restaurant and quotes religion at Maggie, and says she spots that she is wearin' a weddin' ringg, and makes a Bible quotes about an adulteress, and says that a bint of 'er evident maturity should keep 'er filffy 'ands ter herself. Maggie goes ter find Bradley in the Vic and says 'e lied ter her in 'is text, and sent 'is granny ter insult 'er, so 'e is fired. He runs after 'er as she gets in the car and says yes, he 'as been avoidin' 'er, right, but it's because she is right attractive and err... She sighs and says cop in. At the bloody singles night, Heaffer 'ands out post-its wiv names on ter stick ter blokes's foreheads and they 'ave ter go round askin' questions about the bloody famous blokes ter guess 'oo they are, etc. Stacey and Bradley cop Margaret and Dennis Thatcher, but Stacey 'asn't 'eard of 'im, and says that Bradley's famous geezer might be a cricketer or sumfink. She tells 'im ter put the mockers on 'angin' 'round 'er, right, and cop over 'er, right, and 'e takes off 'is tag and 'ave a looks at it and appreciates the irony, right, sayin' the joke's on me. Ricky is "Becks" and Claire is "Posh," and wen 'e approaches 'er as 'er motch, right, she is disgusted and leaves. Minty is Prince Albert and 'is motch is a right attractive blonde. Ian frows Ollie out, and says Lucy can choose ter stay or go, her choice. She goes ter visit Christian and wines a bit, and then asks if she can meet Ollie 'ere. [Possibly the bloomin' vainest man on the planet, Christian 'as a gigantic wall-sized arty drorin' of 'imself on 'is lounge wall.] Part 2 It's Friday the bleedin' 13ff and 'eaffer is too scared ter walk under the ladder until Minty persuades 'er. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Then 'e spots 'is blonde singgles date and rushes off. Bradley is avoidin' Dot and tells Mickey 'e were sacked. Bradley tells Dot 'e were fired, and Dot apologises but says 'e were bein' preyed on by ruddy ladies of that sort. Dot asks cautiously "did she take advantage of yer?" Bradley says no o'course not, and later, right, Maggie phones Dot's 'ouse and tells Dot that Bradley left 'is jacket at 'er flat last night (!!! Right!! Blimey!). May packs 'er bags and leaves the bloomin' key on the table of 'er nicely decorated flat. She 'esitates, right, about ter post a birffday card for Summer, and drives off wiv it instead. Dorn and Jase argue over brass wen she spends £60 on a dress for Summer but complains wen Jay wants £80 trainers. She agrees ter take the bleedin' dress hammer and tack and leave Summer wiv Jase, 'oo says "she'll be safe wiv me." May arrives in the square and gets out of the car but start ter cry as she 'ave a looks 'round at evryfink. Lucas spots 'er and goes ter rescue 'er, right, but she says she is not so bad and then she goes ter Jase's and ringgs the bleedin' doorbell, and 'ands 'im a birffday gift for Summer. She asks ter come in and Jase says Summer is asleep, but then relents and says a minute won't 'urt. The baby ain't asleep (her mince pies are open). May is entranced by the baby. Jase pops out ter answer the bleedin' dog and bone, and May cries over the baby. Wen she turns ter leave, she spots a letter from the probation office on the bloomin' table and then Jase 'as run out of baby food, and May clearly changes 'er mind about 'er final goodbye, init?[She'll obviously be kidnappin' the bloomin' baby soon.] Dorn arrives hammer and tack and as Jase goes ter get the chuffin' door, May disappears frough the bloody back door, right? Jase and Dorn are surprised wen they go into the bloody kitchen expectin' 'er ter be there. [Quite amazingly, the baby is still there.] Lucy goes ter Christian's and wines that 'e said she could use this flat. Christian says no, right, he said it on a wim, right, he is useless and unreliable. Lucy says 'e is just like Ian and treatin' 'er like a kid. She sulks and is annoyed, right, and Christian says if she acted like an adult they might treat 'er like one. Cor blimey guv! He puts the mockers on 'imself and says I can't believe I just said that. He leaves for 'is date, and as 'e walks out, sulkily says 'e is NOT like Ian. He is hammer and tack early and Lucy says "yer've come hammer and tack to check up on me 'aven't yer?" 'e says they need ter talk, right, and she says 'e is just gonna tell 'er ter be responsible about sex, and not be forced into anyfink, ain't 'e, then, eh, squire? She says dismissively that she ain't gonna 'ave sex wiv *Ollie*, right, and Christian believes 'er. Wen 'e leaves, right, she phones Ollie and arranges ter meet 'im 'ere, sayin' she 'ad ter pretend she'd never 'ave sex but she'll 'ave Christian trustin' 'er soon and they can do wotever they want. Lucas tells Chelsean 'e is movin' into the chuffin' square, No 43, and Denise is furious. She goes ter the estate agent ad tells 'im some stories about Lucas - that 'e is gonna turn it into a crack 'ouse. The estate agent panics and later, Lucas confronts Denise about wot she said ter him. The estate agent passes Bradley in the market and gives 'im 'is card, for a social chat. Bradley tells Stacey the bloke is an tosser. Later, Stacey tells Bradley that 'e should call that agent china, right, 'oo's just lost 'is Uncle Bob [presumably resultin' from 'is messy transaction wiv Lucas/Denise.] Bradley don't follow, right, and she says 'e should find out where 'e worked because there is a Uncle Bob gahn, and she gives 'im the bloomin' bloke's number and says "and on the bloody back, right, that's the bloomin' bar 'e's meetin' me at later." Bradley 'ave a looks up, startled, right, and Stacey says shes jokin'