Fursday 15 November 2007

Jase 'its the self-destruct button once and for all. Steven begs for a bed for the bloody night. Jase phones Dorn and tells 'er that 'oney's baby is dead, and 'e asks ter speak ter Jay, and tells 'im that 'e 'as ter leave immediately before any fairy else gets 'urt. Jay protests that 'e will be good. Jase runs oray and gets a taxi ter the snooker 'all quickly. He rushes in and shouts at 'is mates, 'oo are congratulatin' themselves about the attack. Jay is sulkin' and tells Dorn that a teacher at school called 'im the divvy child, and 'e must be right, right, evry geezer 'as left 'im ter fend for 'imself - but 'e will be not so bad in care until 'e is 16. Meanwile, the bloody baby (boy) starts breabugger and is not so bad after all. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? The bloody bobbies are still in the chuffin' Vic and after takin' all the descriptions, right, they deduce a name for one of the bloomin' suspects. Ronnie and Roxy open champagne for the baby and all the blokes there 'elp tidy up the debris, just as Phil arrives. He goes ter the hospital and congratulates Billy, right, but 'oney immediately berates 'im for sellin' their 'ome under them. He says 'e sold the shop, right, have a go at the new owner, he can't do anyfink about it now. Pat rabbit and porks ter Steven, right, and 'e says 'e 'as no brass, right, and Simon 'asn't sent 'im any for a wile, right, and 'as changed 'is number because 'is new bint made 'im. He says 'e were sent off wiv a Old Kent Road of brass and told ter go ter his real family, and no-one wants 'im. Pat lets 'im stay at 'ers, because 'e is family. Lucy gets a call from Steven, right, 'oo meets 'er in the café and explains 'e 'as ter leave, right, and 'e asks 'er if she knows any where 'e could sleep for tonight. She asks Peter ter take the chuffin' key ter the van ter the café for 'im, but Dad can't know,. Ian walks in and says can't know wot, eh, squire? Lucy owns up and Peter says it's Not so bad, right, he can stay 'ere. Peter soon realises from all the reactions, that there's more gahn on than 'e is orare of, and asks them ter explain. Pat arrives ter tell Ian off for frowin' Steven out on the streets, and some sob story about 'im, right, and Jane is finally too annoyed ter keep quiet and says that 'er injury ain't appendicitis, it's a gunshot wound, caused by Steven. Jase gets a right good beatin' and Terry takes 'im ter hospital, and says the gutter is no place ter die. Then 'e explains that 'e wants ter retire, right, he needs an 'eir ter his gang, and 'e wanted it ter be Jase. Jase says 'e 'ates wot 'e 'as done, right, his son 'ave a looks up ter him, right, and wouldn't if 'e knew wot 'e'd done. He is called by a nurse ter be 'ave a looked at. Terry calls some bloke. I'll get out me spoons. Jase goes ter see Billy and is delighted ter see 'oney and that the baby is Not so bad. Cor blimey guv! Terry turns up and asks ter see Jay, 'oo is cryin'. Dorn asks 'im 'oo 'e is and wot 'e wants. He says Jase is at 'ospital but will be hammer and tack later, and 'e gives Jay a mobile dog and bone, and shows 'im an ole video of Jase leadin' the bloomin' charge of 'is gang at an ole footie motch. He asks Jay if 'e is proud of 'is ole Dad then, luv? Dorn tells 'im crossly ter turn it off. Jase arrives 'ome and is again asked (ffreateningly) ter beg ter come hammer and tack to the bloomin' gang, right, or else they will be in 'is Nanny Goat Race all the time, right, any girlmucker or employer will immediately be told until Jase spots the error of 'is ways, and says 'e is sorry and falls hammer and tack into line. He goes out and Jase follows, right, where Phil comes and tells Jase ter put the mockers on this, and then the bobbies arrive and nick the two gang members and tell Jase ter come and give a statement wen 'e 'as the chuffin' chance. Jase goes ter find Jay first. Jay asks if 'e ever 'it 'is Mum, and Jase says no. Jay says 'e fought Jase were the Mae West Dad in the world, right, but 'e ain't. Jase says 'e 'as paid for 'is crimes, right, and 'as changed, right, and don't do that any more. Phil arrives and 'as a private conversation, in wich 'e tells Jase that 'e didn't just 'elp 'im out as a favour, Jase needs ter understand that now Phil owns 'im.

Tuesday 13 November 2007

The Vic is raided and it's a violent, right, disorientatin' and terrifyin' attack for the bleedin' locals. Honey and Billy's baby is due but they've been evicted. Finks take a terrifyin' turn wen 'oney is involved in a scuffle, do wot guvnor! In the bleedin' Vic, right, blokes are gossipin' about Dorn and Jase as Keiff and Mickey arrive and tell Garry that they gave 'im brass ter clear off, right, so 'oo knows wot they are up to. I'll get out me spoons. Then Jase's ole gang of fugs come in and smash up the chuffin' Vic. Jase 'ears the chuffin' glass breakin' and 'ave a looks up from kissin' Dorn ter ask if she 'eard anyfink. The gang put the mockers on breakin' fings and 'ave a look 'round for Jase. They argue among themselves about 'im not bein' 'ere. They ask weffer Jason Dyer were 'ere. Mickey 'ave a looks shifty and they ask 'im directly where 'e is, right? Peggy and Roxy shriek ineffectually for a bit. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Yolande chips in tellin' blokes not ter protect Jase because she don't want Patrick copping 'urt again, right, and Patrick is the bleedin' only man in the bleedin' Vic 'oo actually stands up and tells them off. Cor blimey guv! Jase finally arrives, havin' left Dorn a brief note. They go ter the cellar ter have a word, right, and Jase tells them off for terrorisin' ole blokes and cows. They call 'im a traitor and 'e says 'e told them 'e wanted out. The gang leader says that 'e can't leave it: if they let 'im go, right, they 'ave a look weak. Jase says Not so bad, he will go wiv them, but 'e needs ter make one dog and bone call. They 'and 'im the chuffin' dog and bone ffen attack 'im soon as one 'and is occupied. In the bar, evry geezer is recoverin': bein' supervised by one or two of the gang, right, and 'oney comes dahn from up the apples and pears where she were, right, and spots woss gahn on in the bar, right, and she calls the bobbies. She spots Jase in the chuffin' cellar and goes ter hug 'im, right, and they tell 'er ter leave 'im. They taunt Jase, right, and 'e attacks, and 'oney is pushed over and falls dahn. The chuffin' bobbies arrive and the bloomin' gang run off, right, and Jase asks Ian for 'is car keys ter take 'oney ter hospital. Ian goes hammer and tack inside and Jane asks 'im not ter leave 'er alone in the bloody house. He says Not so bad, and phones 'is kids ter make sure they come straight 'ome and makes them wotch a film at 'ome. Garry flirts wiv Ronnie as she 'elps 'im tidy up 'is Nanny Goat Race. Peggy and Roxy are asked ter give a statement ter the bobbies, do wot guvnor! Peggy rushes off ter answer the dog and bone to Jase, 'oo 'as taken 'oney ter hospital. Cor blimey guv! He tells Peggy ter call Billy, 'oo is at a Uncle Bob interview as a graveyard shift shelf stacker. The chuffin' geezer showin' 'im round 'ates children and Billy quickly switches off the dog and bone, just as 'e is tellin' the bloomin' lad that 'is baby is due today. Jay arrives at the Vic, and Kevin tells Mickey ter take 'im hammer and tack to Dorn's. Kevin evasively don't tell the bobbies wot the gang said about 'ave a lookin' for Jase. Mickey explains ter Dorn wot 'appened - they dragged Jase out ter the cellar and they never seen him again. He tells Dorn that 'e likes 'er better than Roxy, and that 'is dad don't usually leave 'im alone that long. He asks if Jase were nicked wen the chuffin' bobbies came. Dorn asks Jay if 'e knows why Jase were in prison, and wen 'e don't, she says it were probably connected wiv wot 'appened. Jay realises Jase may be 'urt, and starts ter cry and Dorn 'ugs 'im, do wot guvnor! Honey is 'avin' 'er baby and the bloomin' nurse asks 'er if she feels up ter pushin', do wot guvnor! She says she don't know - Billy makes all the decisions (! Struth!), init? At the hospital, right, Minty asks Jase wot fun there is in bein' a (hated) footie 'ooligan: 'ave a look at 'eisel and 'illsborough (old footie stadium disasters). Jase says that were nuffink like wot they do - they do sumfink completely different: evry geezer chooses ter be involved in their planned gang violence. Jase says 'e 'as given that up, and Minty says that 'is mates don't seem ter be respectin' that decision. Billy eventually comes hammer and tack to the chuffin' Vic and is told about 'oney. Right. He goes ter hospital and punches Jase, ffen goes ter see 'oney, 'oo needs a Caesarean. He says that 'er muvver died in childbirff, right, he don't want that 'appenin' again. She 'as a baby boy 'oo is given oxygen because it ain't makin' any noise, but 'oney is makin' enough for all of them, as she wails and shrieks.

Monday 12 November 2007

Just as Jase 'as sumfink positive in 'is life, right, a date wiv Dorn, right, sumfink sinister is brewin', init?Wiv the bloody baby due today, right, Billy is worried but 'e dain't tell 'oney they are bein' evicted from the bloomin' flat. Jase and Jay are wanderin' 'round the square and Roxy flirts wiv 'im a bit, right, and then 'e goes ter ask Old Mo about some kit for Jay, right, wich are too expensive. He asks for a discount and she says she might consider some alternative payment, and wispers sumfink (no doubt smutty) in 'is ear. Jay asks wot she said and 'e says 'e'll tell Jay wen 'e's 21. They spot Dorn and she apologises ter him for chuckin' up last time they went out. Afterwards, Jay asks if Jase prefers Dorn or Roxy. Steven rants at Pat about Ian, and she says give 'im time. He wines on and she says she tried ter tell 'im, right, but 'e wouldn't believe 'er, right, so don't blame 'er. Steven wines that Ian should 'ave just 'anded 'im in at the bloody time, right, if 'e didn't want 'im. He says 'e could 'and 'imself in now. Pat tells 'im ter wait and not do anyfink 'asty. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. She goes out and 'ears Ian shoutin' dahn the dog and bone about Steven dischargin' 'imself. Cor blimey guv! He asks 'er, right, and she lies, right, and 'e goes ter her 'ouse ter 'ave a look for Steven. He tells Pat ter open the bloomin' door or 'e will kick it in. Steven 'ides. Pat admits ter visitin' 'im and says Ian can't wereh 'is 'ands of Steven, and this ain't 'elpin' any fairy. Ian says 'e's not right in 'is 'ead. He finds a note on the table, from Steven, right, "I only wanted ter say sorry." Ian goes 'ome and Jane is cross that 'e missed a medical appointment, right, and asks wot could be so important. Ian keeps quiet. Pat comes round ter see 'im, right, and Ian is furious wiv 'er for takin' Steven in. Steven agrees ter move back. Roxy and Ronnie are busy refurbishin' the club and Jase asks for work. He spots Dorn walkin' past and asks 'er out tonight. She agrees. Dorn is worried about 'er 'ave a looks but Jase is impressed, and she returns the chuffin' compliment, right, sayin' 'e doesn’t 'ave a look 'alf as skanky as 'e usually does, init?[In uvver words, he is vaguely tidy, right, alffough 'e still 'ave a looks ravver cheap and tatty]. Right. They go ter the Vic and Ronnie notes that Roxy is jealous about Jase. Garry is there wiv Minty, and is similarly a bit jealous about Dorn, right? Honey and Billy are kissin' in the bedroom wen Mrs Patel walks in ter measure up and tells them she will 'ave ter measure more before they move out. Honey is upset that Billy 'adn't told 'er 'e'd been told they 'ad ter move out. Billy says 'e 'as a Uncle Bob interview at the supermarket later. He goes out for it, right, and bumps into a large gang, right, one of 'oom is Jase's ole mate, so presumably the entire gang of fugs is out 'ave a lookin' for 'im. One 'ave a looks in the door of the Vic and spots Dorn and Jase and reports back. Roxy goes over and says it 'ave a looks like they are on the bloomin' date from hell fire. Jase says 'e don't want ter be cheeky, right, but... and she leaves in an 'uff. Then Garry goes over and sits dahn wiv them, and Jase asks Dorn if she wants ter go elsewhere. She invites 'im hammer and tack to 'ers and asks Keiff and Mickey ter leave and they plead poverty until Jase gives them brass. Dorn says "alone at last". She kisses 'im [alffough 'e is still unpleasantly stubbly and scruffy]. He goes ter see Jane ter says sorry, right, and creeps in under cover of dark, and she is understandably terrified. Ian arrives 'ome and grabs 'im and frows 'im out, right, physically. Jane snivels a bit.

Friday 9 November 2007

Pat tries ter persuade Ian ter talk ter Steven, right, wile Jane confides in Tanya about recent events. Billy receives some unwelcome news. Right. Misery Jane is at 'ome, frownin' a bit, right, ffen snivellin' a bit on 'er bed. Jase drops Jay off for a couple of nights, and Billy says 'e 'ad better pick the kid up wen 'e says, because 'oney's baby is due soon. Honey says it's Not so bad. Billy dismisses a letter, right, lyin' ter Honey about it, right? He goes ter see the new owner of their flat (Mrs Patel) about stayin' in the chuffin' flat because they 'ave a baby due. She says no, right, she wants ter rent the flat ter a ace couple, right, no children or pets wen 'is lease is up in a few weeks. Billy asks Ian's advice about tenant's rights, init?Billy tells Peggy, 'oo says Mrs Patel promised Phil wen 'e sold the bleedin' place that they could stay, but there is nuffink they can do now if she is gahn hammer and tack on 'er word. Tanya is also 'eavily pregnant and she is wotchin' daytime TV. Max shows 'er a brochure for a private birbugger clinic and 'e says they can afford it so why slum it wiv the NHS, eh, guv? He fetches sumfink for 'er. Tanya phones Jane and asks 'er ter visit because Max is doin' 'er loaf of bread in, right? Jane reluctantly (still sniffin' miserably) agrees. Tanya tells Max that were Jane and she 'as ter go and cheer 'er up. Tanya goes on about the clinic and 'ow Max is all keen, right, just because it's a boy - 'is son and 'eir, wereas wiv the bleedin' girls 'e didn't care. Apparently the bloomin' clinic also does tummy tucks for afterwards - she finks that Max wants ter get 'er fixed up afterwards. She says 'e never went near 'er for ages after Lauren were born. Tanya realises Jane is upset about sumfink, and next time she waffles on about 'er baby, Jane bursts into tears and explains that she didn't 'ave 'er appendix out, right, she 'ad an 'ysterectomy. Tanya is sympaffetic but rants that Ian should be 'ave a lookin' after 'er, not ignorin' 'er. Jane asks 'er just ter stay and rabbit and pork if she wants ter help. Afterwards, right, Tanya goes and shouts at Ian. Pat is visitin' Steven 'oo is still bein' a bit odd and nutty. She makes some reassurin' noises. She takes Steven ter her 'ouse and 'ands 'im 'is tablets, right, but 'e just grabs them and 'ysterically frows them dahn the sink. Pat says that she can't keep 'im 'ere, right, as she can't 'ave a look after 'im, so 'e should go hammer and tack home ter New Zealand. Steven storms out ter go and spot Ian. Pat tells 'im 'e can't, right, because it won't solve anyfink. Pat goes ter talk ter Ian, right, and tells 'im Steven is part of Ian's family, and it were an accident, maybe 'e could 'elp by goin' on ter Steven. Ian asks suspiciously if she's spoken ter Steven. Pat says no, and Ian says Steven ain't part of 'is family any more, and if she rabbit and porks ter him, she ain't eever, and if Steven comes wivin 50 yards of 'im, he will kill 'im. Jase goes ter the bloody gang leader, right, and bloke says 'e missed a good batterin' last Saturday (presumably the gang beat blokes up for fun), right, and rabbit and porks about 'is child Jay, right, in an obviously freatenin' way. They play snooker. Jase mentions that 'e seen his mate in 'ospital yesterday, and the old bloke says if yer break the rules, yer pay the price, he were a grass - 'e 'ad Jase put in prison, so 'e couldn't cop oray wiv it. Jase says 'e may not ball of chalk again, right, and the chuffin' old bloke says 'e knew 'e deserved it, and took wot were comin'. Jase tries ter leave, but is told the bleedin' game ain't over. He reminisces about meetin' Jase wen 'e were 15, and Jase were bein' refused a drink in a snooker 'all, but 'e won five games off 'im, and now 'e is losin'. He asks if Jase wants out of the chuffin' firm after all these years. Jase says yea

Fursday 8 November 2007

Sean 'eads hammer and tack to the bloody Square after stayin' wiv 'is mum. Ronnie is annoyed ter discover 'oo the new owner of the club is and Pat visits Steven at the clinic and makes a surprisin' decision. Buggers are tense between Ian and Jane. Followin' directly on, right, Sean is 'idin' from the bobbies 'oo 'ave just arrived, right, and Jean manages not ter give 'im oray by tellin' them 'e never visits as 'e 'ates 'er (so obviously not totally livin' in a dream world). Jase goes ter the hospital ter visit 'is ole china 'oo 'as been beaten up, and the ole lady tells Jase it's 'is fault. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Jase denies all knowledge as 'e no longer does that. Jase continues ter be over-protective ter Jay, 'oo is right pissed off wen 'e is collected from school like a wee child. Jase (ravver fairyically) still refuses ter explain why 'e is doin' this. Ronnie goes ter the chuffin' club, right, and wile she is there, she 'ave a looks 'round and seein' a bottle of spirits, right, she takes a swig from it, right, just as Jack Brannin' walks in. He teases 'er about 'ow uncouff it is ter be drinkin' from the bottle, and she asks 'im 'ow 'e got in. He dangles the keys - 'e is the new owner. She is furious and 'e simply says that 'e knows nuffink about the business, but it could be a success if she will manage it for 'im. He says 60-40, and 'e will be a sleepin' partner, as 'e lives in Manchester, and ain't plannin' on movin', right, so she can even pretend that it's all 'ers, right, and that 'er plans ter buy it all worked out perfectly. She goes 'ome and wen Roxy and Peggy cop back, she lies that the chuffin' club sale all went frough as planned, right, and she is the new owner. Ian is right irritable in the café and tells Billy off ravver unreasonably. Billy replies that 'e should be at 'ome 'ave a lookin' after 'is trouble and strife, and ter get 'is priorities straight. Ian realises that Billy is right, right, so don't sack 'im this time. Meanwile, Tanya visits Jane, right, 'oo wines and moans a bit and finds it 'ard ter pretend that it were only a routine operation. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Wen Ian gets 'ome she wines and moans a bit more at 'im, complainin' again about not 'avin' children of 'er own. Pat visits mad Steven, right, and is interrogated by the staff about why the bleedin' rest of 'is family don't visit 'im, init?They also say that Steven ain't mad any more, right, and can go 'ome, so they won't be accedin' ter Ian's request ter keep 'im locked up there (presumably no-one 'as told them 'e shot some bloke). Pat finks a bit about it and then stewpidly decides ter let Steven stay wiv 'er, init?

Tuesday 6 November 2007

Sean takes drastic measures and Ronnie is annoyed wen she finds out that she 'as been gazumped. Jane returns 'ome from 'ospital. Old Mo gets a postcard from Stacey and Max gets one from Bradley. Old Mo also gets a deliright of stock, some right strange items, right, like divin' fins. The bloody bobbies arrive at the door, init? Sean wakes up next mornin', right, feelin' bad. Jean gets a card from Stacey. She rambles on ter Sean about 'ow Bradley will need 'igh protection in the sun, and she offers Sean toast, and egg on toast. She chatter oray manically and Sean asks if she is takin' all 'er tablets and in the bloomin' right order. She says she were wotchin' 'im sleep last night, right, and 'e frowns wen 'e is asleep - does 'e know that, eh, luv? Sean says wiv irritation, now, right, how would I know that, then, eh, guv? He tries ter make a drink but the taps don't work, and Jean says she called the bleedin' council but the dog and bone just plays music, right, and wen they do come round, right, they just laugh at 'er. Sean sighs and says, Not so bad, he will try ter fix the taps. Jean keeps ON AND ON ramblin' about weffer she should dog and bone the hotel and tell them that Bradley needs ter use 'igh factor suntan lotion. She goes on and on about family and 'ow they are part of Bradley's family now, right, and Sean says quietly 'e is tryin' ter concentrate 'ere, right, Mum. He drops a wrench, and she asks 'im if 'e 'as an 'angover, wich is exactly 'ow 'e's actin'. [And she is already drivin' me insane, so I can't even imagine 'ow Sean manages - or don't]. Jean goes on about Max and she don't like 'im, because 'e don't fink Stacey is right good enough. She jumps and screams wen a firework goes off outside and Sean takes a deep breaff and rolls 'is mince pies. Then she rambles a bit more about vague and ill-defined waffle, right, and Sean sighs and says brusquely wotcher on about now, isit?Just pick a subject and stick ter it. He fixes the bloomin' taps and she is grateful and says 'e's clever. He's still actin' reasonably laid back, answerin' evryfink tiredly and resignedly, and says the bloomin' repair were nuffink, init? Abi makes them ball of chalk to school and Lauren winges, and asks why. Abi says a polar bear dies evry time yer use the chuffin' car, right, and Lauren says polar bears don't do anyfink good - just eat baby seals. Jay tells Jase wot 'e did wiv 'is mate, how they 'ad fun at the fireworks, and 'e seemed like a nice chap - for a mate of Jase's. Jase gets a freatenin' note, right, probably from Terry, that a mucker 'as been beaten up. Lucy wants ter stay at 'ome ter see Jane wen she comes hammer and tack from 'ospital. Pat forces them all ter go ter school. Ian brings Jane 'ome and she makes an 'uge fuss about walkin' ter the chuffin' sofa. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Ian asks if she wants ter wotch a DVD and she says she just wants ter sit wiv Ian, but 'e 'as ter work in the bleedin' café. She seems disappointed, right, or just miserable because she's ill, or wotever. Roxy justifies spendin' 'er 5K on a flashy car, by wot she "went frough", ie she 'ad ter snog Damien, and it were like bein' suffocated by a deranged sheep. I'll get out me spoons. Ronnie wants some contingency brass for the bloody club, and Roxy says the bleedin' club will be not so bad, she ain't takin' the car back. Tanya wants ter go and spot Jane, right, and Ian refuses ter let 'er, right, and says that peritonitis is right serious and Jane don't want ter see any fairy. Pat asks Ian if Jane knows wot 'e is sayin', and says 'e is storin' up Barney Rubble wiv 'is lies. Ian says 'e 'as ter work extran 'ours ter keep Steven in that place, wich is costin' an arm and a leg. Pat says as long as 'e ain't just avoidin' Jane wiv 'is excuses. She visits Jane, 'oo asks where Steven is. Pat avoids lyin' by askin' Jane if she finks that Ian would tell Pat if 'e won't tell Jane, but later visits Steven at the clinic. Dot is in the Vic and Jack offers 'er a drink, right, and keeps on pressin', sayin' not even a wee sweet sherry, isit?[He cotches on quickly]. He offers ter carry 'er shoppin' bags across the square, and 'e is also takin' 'er ter visit Jim on the bloomin' way 'ome. I'll get out me spoons. Dot says 'e's so courteous and it's wonderful, right, he 'as cheered 'er up no end. They leave and Max says bitterly that 'e wants ter wipe the chuffin' grin off 'is smug mush. He also 'assles Tanya about a doctor's letter she 'as been ignorin'. Roxy drives Peggy ter her appointment and Ronnie objects because the agent is comin' soon, right, and Roxy says 'e is only comin' ter chat 'er up. Wen 'e arrives, she says she's busy, right, but the drink's on the bleedin' house wile 'e waits. He tells 'er the club owner 'as a better offer, so unless she can add a sweetener - about 5K - [wot a convenient number] she 'as lost the deal. He gives 'er a few 'ours ter clear out the bloody finks she left in the office then 'e wants the bleedin' keys back. Jean spots 'er tranquilisers packet 'as two missin' and Sean at first says she must 'ave forgotten, and she ain't sposed ter be takin' these any more, so why are there ole packets all over the house, then, squire? She *screams* that she needs them "in case", and 'e took 'er tablets, they're all 'ers. Sean replies sarkily "that's a wee bit selfish ain't it, any road, right, why do yer fink we were copping on so well, then? I just needed sumfink ter take the bleedin' edge off, I wish I 'adn't come." She shrieks 'ysterically at 'im. He slams a tool into the bloody sink, and she jumps nervously at the sound, right, as she does at evry loud noise. Sean says aggressively, come on then, right, start freakin' out: scream and shout, right, go on. She 'its 'im, right, hard, wiv 'er cast and 'e 'ave a looks angry, but they are interrupted by the bobbies knockin' and they shout frough the door, right, tellin' Jean they are 'ave a lookin' for Sean

Monday 5 November 2007

Sean goes ter see 'is mum after Charlie urges 'im ter be there for 'er more. Jase is annoyed wen 'e finds out that Jay 'as been out wiv one of 'is ole mates. Ronnie is surprised wiv Roxy's new purchases. Ronnie gives Peggy the bloody winnings and she can finally pay off 'er debts, so that 40K debt were all sorted remarkably swiftly and easily. Ronnie sorts out 'er club, and Roxy sells 'er engagement ringg ter buy a stake. However, right, she fritters most of the bleedin' brass (5K) oray on an ugly puppy and a flashy car instead, and only 'as a few 'undred quid left ter give ter Ronnie for the club. Ronnie chats ter Jack about the club. Billy and 'oney try ter fill in forms ter get more state 'andouts for their 'andicapped child. Jase and Jay are continuin' wiv their tedious lives and Jase is reluctant ter let Jay go out on 'is own because of 'is ole gang boss (Terry) 'oo might 'arm 'im, presumably. However, he won't explain this ter Jay, so Jay is irritated by the sudden draconian curfew and Jase won't let Jay go ter a fireworks knees-up. I'll get out me spoons. Soon as Jase is out of the bleedin' way, right, doin' odd Uncle Bobs for Peggy, Jay gets a visitor, right, and it's Terry, 'oom 'e lets in wiv only a vague query. Terry is creepily chinaly ter Jay, and tells 'im a few (innocent) stories about 'is favver. He offers ter take Jay out and o'course, right, he jumps at the chance, and wen Jase gets 'ome, he is frantic wiv worry at findin' Jay gone. Sean is hammer and tack after a short disappearance followin' the bloomin' weddin', and Charlie (bravely or stewpidly) confronts 'im about 'is erratic behaviour. Sean grabs 'im by the lapels freateningly and Charlie goes on and on about Sean 'avin' ter 'ave a look after 'is muvver. Charlie also finds Old Mo sellin' off Stacey's weddin' gifts on 'er stall. Sean agrees ter visit 'is muvver, and manages ter keep 'imself politely quiet for the bloody first few minutes. Wen she is wanderin' 'round and ramblin' incoherently about wot she's cookin' for 'im, Sean spots a pack of random pills (for 'is muvver's mental illness, probably) in an ashtray and takes a few. I'll get out me spoons. He is vacant for a wile then just falls asleep/passes out on the sofa, do wot guvnor! Mad Jean lets 'im lie there, right, and covers 'im wiv a blanket wen 'e don't wake up [he does 'ave a look like 'e is breabugger, right, probably not dead]. Jase is runnin' 'round in a blind panic, right, askin' blokes if they 'ave seen Jay, right, and then 'e goes 'ome is despair, to find Jay 'as just got back, right, and Terry is drivin' off, init?Jay can't believe the hysterical reaction, right, and explains the bloke said 'e were a mate of Jase.

Friday 2 November 2007

Ronnie and Jack go loaf of bread to loaf of bread in a game of poker and large sums of cash are at stake. The game begins and Ronnie wins the openin' round, right, but Jack feels as fough she 'as played 'im for a fool. I'll get out me spoons. Jack (wearin' 'is nice dark grey whistle and flute again today) is stayin' wiv Max, 'oo apologises for 'is behaviour yesterday. Max is affectionate ter Tanya 'oo, ironically, jokingly asks if 'e's feelin' guilty. Ronnie is (acely) practisin' dealin' cards. She tells Roxy ter make sure Peggy goes out tonight and then they need ter get 4 grand ter gamble and cop enough ter pay off Peggy's debt. She goes ter the bleedin' Post Office, where Jack is tellin' Shabnam that 'e gave 'er twenty and she 'as short-changed 'im. She protests, but 'er muvver just gives 'im some brass. She argues wen 'e 'as gone, and says 'e gave 'er ten and she stick it in the till, and 'er muvver says sarcastically "wiv the uvver ten pound notes?" and the chuffin' only note in the till is a 20. [We didn't spot wot she gave 'im as 'is change.] Ronnie follows Jack out of the Post Office, right, and 'e again repeats that it will be easy takin' brass off 'er if she can't tell if 'e were bein' 'onest in there. She says 'e needs a right good slap, and 'e says 'e finks she likes 'im right. She denies it and 'e points out she is still followin' 'im 'round. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Shabnam leaves, right, to wine ter Carly that she is sleepwalkin' in the bloody Post Office Uncle Bob and wants ter quit but 'er muvver won't let 'er. Wen she tries to, right, she is persuaded ter take an evenin' course in business instead. Jack goes ter invite Patrick ter join the bloomin' poker game, and Patrick is busy, right, but Pat overhears 'is sexist comment about some fings are Mae West left ter men, do wot guvnor! Pat says Jack Brannin', right, ain't it, then, luv? If yer want anuvver player, count me in. Cor blimey guv! Jean is still stayin' at Charlie's, and needles Sean, sayin' that she were 'ave a lookin' forward ter spendin' the bleedin' day wiv 'er boy, right, but 'e 'ad that 'ave a look yesterday, "man wiv a mission", and 'e clearly 'as sumfink on 'is mind, but it's just us now; Stacey is married, right, just me and me boy. Sean desperately needs ter get out. Jean and Dot chat, and Jean says Sean is avoidin' 'er and Dot says sons are sometimes difficult, like 'er Nick, right, he were misunderstood, but then 'e 'ad uvver Barney Rubble, wiv the lor, init?Jean suggests ASBO, petty fievin', then, eh, mate? Dot replies, no drugs and murder mostly, but 'e is gone now. Dot says she should rabbit and pork ter Sean wile she can, there are still fings she wishes she said ter Nick. Sean spots Max and Tanya ball of chalk past in the park. He says sarcastically "happy families". They discuss yesterday and Sean says Max is lucky, right, a bit of Dads don't cop on wiv their daughters in lor, not right good enough for their sons, right, and all that, but yer like us Stacey don't yer, then, eh, guv? Max says defensively "yea". Tanya asks for a coffee and rabbit and porks ter Sean alone wile Max gets it. Sean says Max is attentive. Tanya starts on about wot 'e said at the chuffin' weddin' and 'e says it's not about that, not wen I know wot 'e... Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Tanya tells 'im ter spit it out, right, how bad can it be, isit?He is soooo tempted, right, but bites 'is tongue, and she says she fought so: grow up, right, Sean. He sulks and Jean calls 'im, and 'e ignores 'er, do wot guvnor! Jack arrives and spots Peggy leavin'. Roxy 'as bribed Shirley ter work wiv double pay, but she finds out it's a poker game and she says she agreed before she knew 'ow much they needed 'er ter work. She asks Roxy for 200 quid, and they agree on 75, right, but only if Ronnie wins, init?In the bar, right, Jack tells Dot that 'e will come wiv Dot ter visit Jim tomorrow, and she asks 'im ter stay, right, and 'e says Max will object, right, and Dot says 'e can stay at 'ers wile Bradley and Stacey are oray. Roxy is pourin' the drinks. Max and Pat are the uvver players in the game. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Ronnie is dressed like a croupier and announces 5-card dror, right, ten pound minimum bet. Pat deals. Max folds and Jack taunts 'im, and Max says 'e's messing a long game. Ronnie wins the first 'and and Jack says patronisingly "'oo's a lucky girl then?" Pat points out she beat 'im. Then Jack wins five 'ands in a row, right, and they take a break. Max and Pat smoke togeffer and Pat asks if there is sumfink gahn on. Jack flirts wiv Ronnie. Roxy asks 'er woss up and Ronnie is obviously doin' it deliberately. Pat reconvenes, right, soundin' incredibly like the dealer in some ole Western poker game. Right. Jack wins a big 'and against Max, 'oo is right surprised and a bit suspicious. Jack is copping right cocky and 'e flirts wiv Ronnie, right, sayin' pointedly that if they carry on like this, they will all be in bed early. Roxy and Ronnie wisper in 'e kitchen, Ronnie says 'e is 100% cheatin', wiv the bloomin' cards she dealt 'erself (she is cheatin' too) she should 'ave won the last two 'ands, so 'e must 'ave cheated. So, she 'as a plan - 'e is sly, but she knows, and she is too. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. She pours 'erself a large drink, and acts slightly drunk, right, and raises the chuffin' stakes, init?He says couple of 'undred, then, mate? She gets out fousands, right, and says she were finkin' more of this. Max and Pat drop out. £1,500 goes on the table on a reasonable first deal. They cop a few cards each and Ronnie 'as 4 9s (wich she knows 'e knows she 'as) and Jack 'as 4 3s. Anuvver few fousand is put on the table. Evry geezer in the bleedin' bar 'ears about the bettin' and goes ter wotch. Roxy shakes 'er loaf of bread minutely at Ronnie and Jack spots 'er do this. Ronnie bets all 'er brass, and Peggy arrives 'ome just in time. Peggy says that's their brass, and tries ter grab it, and Jack puts the mockers on 'er 'and, right, sayin' the brass's on the table. I'll get out me spoons. He puts dahn 4 (cheatin') jacks, right, and Ronnie puts dahn 4 (cheatin') kings. A puzzled frown crosses Jack's Nanny Goat Race. The game is over. Cor blimey guv! He asks 'er ter play again some time: that were fun. He leans right close ter her as 'e says goodbye. Peggy is delighted and Roxy says Jack is sexy. Jean leaves Sean a message that she's gahn hammer and tack to 'er 'ome, right, and 'e goes hammer and tack home. He finds 'er there, right, and is furious that she lied. He frows 'er bags out and shouts wildly at 'er ter leave. She wails that she just wants ter talk, right, she fought... He says nastily, "don't fink - yer ain't got the bloomin' equipment." 'e wotches 'er cross the square and she is jostled by a group of yobs, one of 'oom knocks 'er over, init?Sean is there in seconds, right, grabbin' the bloke and then 'e goes completely bonkers and 'olds 'im dahn, tellin' 'im that 'e shouldn't scare ruddy ladies, and as 'e yells at 'im madly, rantin' that causin' unnecessary pain and sufferin' is 'is specialty. Jean screams at 'im ter put the mockers on. He walks off wivout doin' any real damage ter the bleedin' lad, right, alffough it 'ave a looked like a close call

Fursday 1 November 2007 (Double Episode)

Bradley and Stacey's big day finally arrives, but, right, wen Sean confronts Stacey about 'er affair wiv Max, she tells 'im that it's over and that she luvs Bradley. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Roxy rabbit and porks ter Jack about 'is feelings for Ronnie. It's Bradley and Stacey's weddin' day, init? Lauren is runnin' 'round wiv the weddin' video camera and Max shouts at 'er that she's got a responsible Uncle Bob and not ter film 'im copping drunk first fin' in the mornin' (he 'as a large drink in 'is 'and). Jack makes sarcastic comments ter Max about bein' the chuffin' head of the family. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? He leaves and Tanya says 'e were sposed ter check the bleedin' Vic caterin'. Jack offers ter do it for 'er, and goes and flirts wiv Ronnie. [He's wearin' a right nice dark grey whistle and flute today.] She asks 'im if 'e is there ter call off the poker game tonight. She takes 4,000 pounds from the bloody brass they got from Damien wich they're about ter use ter pay off some of Peggy's debts. Sean is sulky and Charlie asks why 'e ain't ready. He asks Stacey if she 'as any last minute doubts. Stacey tells 'im ter sort 'imself out, right, he is givin' 'er oray. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Jean asks 'im wich of these 'ats will make 'er 'ave a look prettiest. He replies "try a paper bag". He goes ter the bleedin' Vic and asks for a double wisky and wen refused, takes a champagne bottle from the bleedin' reception stash. Lauren is bein' annoyin' wiv the weddin' camera, do wot guvnor! Stacey asks 'er not ter stick it in 'er Nanny Goat Race, and goes up the apples and pears ter let Tanya cop her ready. Cor blimey guv! Lauren pours 'erself a drink (alcoholic) and says if Abi tells she will kill 'er gerbil. Cor blimey guv! Sean arrives, 'ave a looks at 'er drink and says "snap. Tanya appears and 'e says 'e's 'ave a lookin' for Max, and says Tanya 'ave a looks luvly. She tells 'im not ter start, and 'e's gone ter see Bradley. At Dot's, right, Bradley is right nervous and says 'e can't believe Stacey right luvs 'im, and Max reassures 'im, right, ravver 'alf-heartedly. Bradley is wearin' an 'orribly girly light lilac waistcoat and cravat. Sean arrives and says 'e needs a word, right, and walks Max oray from the bloomin' front door, right, sayin' over there. He grabs Max and frows 'im dahn and says 'e knows about 'im and Stacey. He smashes the chuffin' bottle 'e took and freatens Max wiv the smashed bottle end, init?Max denies it, right, and 'e says 'e 'eard Max goin' on, and Max says it were one time, Stacey were drunk, right, that's all, right, don't mean anyfink, right, don't blame Stacey. Sean says 'e don't, he blames 'im, and 'e were the married man she were all cut up about, do wot guvnor! Sean punches Max in the bloomin' stomach, and Max babbles some more. Sean says let's spot wot Tanya and Bradley fink about it, do wot guvnor! Max says let's not 'urt any fairy else, it were a drunken flin', right, over and done in a couple of days. Sean says funny, right, he just said it were only once. Rachel asks Bradley where 'is favver is - probably 'avin' it oray wiv the bloomin' bridesmaids, she expects. Bradley points out that they are 'is daughters! Lauren can't be bovvered ter do the video and just leaves the bloomin' camera on in the bedroom where Stacey is gonna be copping ready, and dashes out as Tanya comes in ter do 'er make-up. Sean and a dishevelled Max arrive at Charlie's and shout for Stacey. She is still at Tanya's, but realises she forgot the bleedin' rin'. She goes ter get it, right, and arrives ter see Sean and Max. Sean says "me and Jerry 'ere..." Max interrupts again and says it were only once. Sean asks Stacey if that it true, right, and she is right 'onest wiv 'im, sayin' it went on for 6 or 7 monffs. Sean says angrily, "wiv 'im, then, eh, guv? I mean, right, 'ave a look at yer, and 'ave a look at 'im! Honest guv!" [yes, right, wot we've all been finkin']. Max says it's been over for monffs, right? Max says Sean is jealous and Sean replies that 'e ain't the one screwin' a teenager wen 'e 'as a pregnant trouble and strife and she is 'is son's fiancee. Max says disloyally that Stacey came on ter him, it weren't 'is fault. Max says Stacey don't want 'im ter ruin 'er weddin' day, Not so bad, she 'as chosen, right, he is a screw up but 'e is tryin' ter change, he 'as a fresh start, new baby. Does Sean right want ter ruin all that, then? Sean says yes, right, and Max accuses 'im of selfishly wantin' Tanya. Stacey takes charge and tells Max ter go and cop Bradley ter the church as 'e is Mae West man. Sean says she is a teenage girl; 'e is nearly 40 - are yer right gahn frough wiv this, then? How can she keep it up, right, do this ter Bradley, right, she is better than that, then, guv? He says she will regret this, right, and wot 'appens wen she spots Max all the time. She says she is doin' it *for* Bradley, right, she don't want ter be the bloody wee slut any more. Stacey says is 'e doin' this ter get 'is 'ands on Tanya, ruin 'er marriage, then, eh? Sean protests it's nuffink ter do wiv that. She says 'e owes 'er, all them years runnin' out, right, leavin' 'er ter deal wiv Mum, this is 'ow 'e pays 'er hammer and tack - just keepin' 'is North and South shut about this one wee fin'. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Now 'e 'as ter choose - 'er or Tanya. Charlie arrives, and Stacey says change of plan, he is givin' 'er oray. She rushes ter get in the cab and leaves Sean standin', right, indecisively. Jack drives Ronnie and family ter the bleedin' church. Sean stands in front of the car and gets in wen it puts the mockers on. Jack accepts it, right, 'ave a lookin' a bit curious, right, and just drives. At the bloody church, they're runnin' 'alf an 'our late, and Tanya tells Lauren ter shoot a bit of video: nuffink too embarrassin'. Lauren realises she left the video camera in the chuffin' bedroom at 'ome. Hazel tells Garry that 'e 'as ter be nice ter Heaffer, right, just for one day. Jack arrives and Max tries ter put the mockers on Sean copping out. Max is pissed off at Jack because 'e 'as brought Sean, and says 'e just wants the weddin' ter be a mess and 'e is fed up wiv Jack's smug Nanny Goat Race all 'is life, and tells 'im ter go. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Sean says ter Tanya, he needs a word, just as evry geezer is told ter go into the church, right? Tanya says ter Max, go on, right, and Sean asks 'er, if she 'ad met 'im before Max, would she 'ave considered 'im. Tanya says 'e 'as issues, and says 'e needs ter sort 'is loaf of bread out, but yes, and she tells 'im ter spruce 'imself up, Stacey 'as just arrived. Sean and Stacey share an intense 'ave a look as she gets out of the car. He asks 'er not ter go frough wiv this. Charlie tells 'im nastily 'e never fails ter disappoint blokes. Sean 'ave a looks right irritated and Jean bliffely asks 'im if 'e's comin' in now. She 'esitates as 'e fails ter reply. Stacey walks in on Charlie's arm, and Max stands behind Bradley. Garry moans about 'ow many 'ymns there are, and Dot says defensively that Bradley personally requested them. Jack drives hammer and tack to the Vic. They singg an 'ymn, durin' wich, Sean comes in and Stacey 'ave a looks at 'im nervously, but 'e goes ter sit dahn. Jean gets up ter do 'er readin', right, The bloomin' Good-Morrow by Donne. She starts right nervously on the chuffin' unfamiliar ole English, but she manages ter sort it out reasonably. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? The vicar goes on about sexual union (!) and then asks if any fairy 'as any legal objections. Wen 'e asks if they 'ave any reason that they may not lorfully marry, they must declare it now, Sean gets up and stares at Stacey angrily and 'ave a looks upset and furious, right, and then walks out. Tanya 'ave a looks at 'im, do wot guvnor! Stacey 'as ter make 'er vows ter be faiffful and 'ave a looks at Bradley, right, wiv Max directly behind 'im, and she keeps 'ave a lookin' at Max and she runs oray ter the vestry. Bradley follows 'er and Tanya tells Max ter go and sort it out. Meanwile, right, Stacey is tellin' Bradley she can't lie ter him: she 'as done fings that will come between them in future. She says she ain't the girl 'e finks she is. She says does 'e right want secrets between them, isit?He says yes, right, all 'e wants is 'er ter be 'is trouble and strife. He says 'e don't want ter know it, he don't care, right, he knows she will grow ter luv 'im, he promises, do wot guvnor! Max tells 'er ter keep quiet if that's wot Bradley wants. He tells them ter make their minds up - just do it, or if not, just forget it. Tanya goes out ter talk ter Sean, and says 'e wrecked 'er weddin'. He says 'e didn't, right, he could 'ave, but didn't. Tanya says she luvs 'er and cares about wot 'e finks. Tanya asks 'im ter go and sort Stacey out before she makes a big mistake. Sean goes in and Bradley shouts at 'im that it is 'is fault. Sean says 'e wants ter talk ter her. Max drags Bradley out, right, and says let 'im rabbit and pork. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Sean tells Stacey that wotever she wants is not so bad, she's right, he owes 'er - and Bradley, right, it's 'er decision, it's up ter her. They finish the bloomin' ceremony and Bradley kisses the bride. Max 'ave a looks sulky. Jack 'as gone hammer and tack to the bloomin' Vic and Roxy chats ter him, askin' if "so, do yer wanna bang me sister or wot?" [Charmin' girl.] She tells 'im that 'er sister likes 'im, right, and Roxy says she wants ter make sure 'e ain't gonna 'urt Ronnie. She says 'e never answers a straight question, and 'e says 'e's a cop. Sean stands 'round outside moodily 'ave a lookin' at the bloomin' Vic. Inside, Peggy asks Jack where 'e went, and 'e says Max will explain - sumfink about bein' outshone. Wen Stacey comes in, evry geezer cheers, and Jack kisses 'er cheek and quickly wispers sumfink (not flirtatious) in 'er ear. Jack offers ter help Peggy wen a barrel goes, and flirts wiv Ronnie, sayin' that yer need ter be a right good liar ter play poker. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? She reads 'im right, on an 'eads or tails lie. He asks if she is, and 'e takes 'er 'and and puts 'is fingers on 'er pulse and asks 'er a few questions, favourite colour, etc, and then weffer she fancies 'im, then, guv? There's some debate about weffer she is lyin' or not. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. He smiles as she walks off. At the bloomin' Vic, the speeches are mundane, right? Charlie's is tearful. Max tells a Mae West man story about 5-year-old Bradley bein' a sweet and considerate kid, and adds that 'e's sorry, for bein' probably the bloomin' worst Dad there's ever been and 'e will try ter make it up ter him. O'course Stacey is the only one 'oo actually understands that point of the speech. Max says Bradley and Stacey 'ave only about 10 minutes before they 'ave ter leave for their flight. Sean walks in ter talk ter Max and says, chillingly, if Max touches 'is sister again, even 'ave a looks at 'er, he is dead. Stacey goes ter get changed and Bradley does the same, as their flights are soon. Max sneaks in on Stacey and offers ter help 'er take off 'er weddin' dress! Honest guv! The video camera [possibly wiv magic never-failin' batteries] is still 'idden where Lauren left it, probably tapin' all of this, o'course. Max unzips 'er dress and says 'e still luvs 'er, and tries repeatedly askin' if she is sure she made the right choice, right, and 'e kisses 'er. She pushes 'im oray after a few damnin' seconds, and says she is sure. He says sorry, right, tearfully, right, and says 'e 'as a beautiful trouble and strife, but 'e can't 'elp finkin' if they could just [have sex] just one more time. She says no, never gonna 'appen. Max says wot, does she fink this won't ever come out, then, guv? Stacey says yea, right, she is married now, right, it's all over, right, and wot does 'e want, then, eh? She says she nearly told Bradley today, it nearly killed 'er, right, him trustin' 'er, right, not knowin' wot a dirty sneaky wee 'oore she is. [Great line for the weddin' video]. Bradley is the bloomin' Mae West fink that 'appened ter her, and wen she's ole she won't fink about a quick fumble on 'is ole lady's bed, that is nuffink. She says she 'as feelings for Max, but maybe 'e could be 'er mucker one day: we did a bad fin', but moved on. Max asks wot about Bradley's failings, right, and she says no-one's perfect. She rushes off [dress magically re-zipped] because she is late, right, and Bradley is wonderin' where she is, and askin' for the video camera. Lauren says oh, right, and runs ter get it, right, where it is still recordin', from the shelf in the bloomin' bedroom, init? They cop in the bleedin' car, and Sean tells Stacey good luck and 'ugs 'er goodbye.