Monday 2 June 2008

Chelsea is careless and messes up at work, and gives a tart pink 'ighlights by accident. She says she finks she 'as flu, right, and Tanya says that if she spends all weekend knees-upin', right, she 'as ter sort 'erself out for work. I'll get out me spoons. She messes up wen she is doin' a manicure for Maggie, right, Bradley's boss, stabbin' 'er nails and yornin' and sighin' all the time. Wen Chelsea starts knockin' over the bottles and moppin' up the bloody mess, Maggie says sharply, just put the mockers on, now, she 'as spent the last 'alf an 'our 'ave a lookin' in the bloomin' mirror and savagin' 'er nails. She didn't expect ter be served by an airhead, and leave 'ere 'ave a lookin' like she 'as a bizarre form of nail leprosy - she wants a refund. Chelsea says sarcastically yea, and I want a bum like J-Lo's, but it's an 'ard life ain't it. And that she ain't paid ter listen and pretend yor actually interestin': that will cost yer extra. Maggie is furious. Tanya tries ter apologise, and Maggie says Chelsea is useless, right, rude and unmotivated and needs ter be sacked, and she says that as a tart in business.... blah blah, right, diplomacy and tact equals repeat business, and then she starts ter impugn Tanya's management skills, and Tanya politely tries ter calm 'er dahn, right, but clearly gets right irritated. Wen Maggie 'as left, Tanya tells Chelsea off, sayin' that the chuffin' refund and free manicure are comin' out of 'er wages. An attractive male customer comes into the chuffin' salon and pays wiv a gold card, right, and Claire manages ter get 'erself an almost-date, meetin' 'im outside R&Rs for the (ravver more upmarket than last time) work knees-up that Bradley's boss 'as arranged for tonight. Tanya leaves the keys wiv Claire after tellin' Chelsea off. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Chelsea starts cryin' and wailin' desperately that Tanyan 'as taken 'er brass and Claire 'ave a looks at 'er pityingly and tells Chelsea that she is werehed out and spaced out on coke, right, and it's obvious wot she 'as been doin' - she 'as been out all weekend wiv Piers, right, (the concealer is wearin' off the marks on 'er neck), so eever she 'as appallin' taste in men or 'e 'as a bit of good gear. Chelsea sniffs and says she is takin' 'er brass, and overtime, and she grabs an 'andful of cash from the bleedin' till, wiv just a glance (presumably at the CCTV) over 'er shoulder, right, and rushes out, right? Claire smirks and closes the till, surreptitiously takin' an 'andful of notes 'erself. Chelsea goes ter Stacey wiv 'er brass ter ask where Sean is and Stacey can't 'elp. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Bianca screeches at 'er unruly kids 'oo are shoutin' and wailin' outside the bleedin' cafe where she's waitin' for 'er wages, and Bianca ignores them wile the bloody 5-year-old wanders off by 'erself, from the cafe. Bianca chats oray ter Liam, 'oo moans that 'e's stewpid and the 5-year-old 'as the same readin' age as 'im (and 'e's in the region of 9-12 years old). Bianca then realises that she 'as mislaid the five-year-old, and screams out 'er name. Meanwile, the bloody child is nickin' a garden pot from Mr Masood and 'as run off 'ome before 'e can cotch 'er. At Dorn's 'ouse, they 'ave won the bloomin' lottery, wiv 5 out of 6 numbers motchin'. Keiff says it's 'is deswee, right, and 'e 'as waited a lifetime, he were never whistle and fluteed ter the workin' class, on account of the chuffin' workin', right, he is ideal as the bloomin' idle rich. Keiff already 'as a list prepared for such an eventuality - top of the list is ter avoid scroungers, right, refuse them all. Keiff nods straight up as 'e says there are a bit of wereters out there, right, and they 'ave ter keep it right quiet. Mickey immediately goes ter the chuffin' Vic and shouts loudly, right, to evry geezer, that they are rich. I'll get out me spoons. Evry geezer congratulates 'im and the rest of the family arrive and Keiff starts pontificatin' and rambles on, right, lovin' the sound of 'is own voice, right, wile the rest of them ask 'im where, exactly, he put the ticket, and they need ter find out 'ow much they 'ave won. Keiff refuses ter say, right, but gets drinks, and plays dominoes wiv Patrick and loses some brass. I'll get out me spoons. Then 'e buys the bloody next round of drinks, right, sayin' stick it on the bleedin' slate. He gets drunk and wanders 'round the bleedin' square shoutin' about 'ow rich 'e is (and at risk of losin' the chuffin' ticket, I would imagine). Hammer and tack at Keiff's place, the family all ask Keiff where the bloomin' ticket is, and 'e extracts all the "valued" possessions from 'is pocket, right, includin' the lock of their muvver's 'air, the dog lead, etc, and gets ter the bottom - an 'ole. Evry geezer is upset wiv 'im, right, and the winnin' ticket blows about on the bloody pavement in the square. Right. Chelsea is in the bloomin' Vic wiv Piers wiv 'er nicked cash, and she asks 'im if 'e 'as any charlie, right, because she 'as the brass now. He smiles and asks if she's copping 'ooked, and adds that they don't need ter talk about brass, they are "muckers" and 'e 'ad sumfink else in mind, and 'e puts 'is 'and on 'er leg movin' it right up ter the hem of 'er (right short) skirt. She says no, right, and 'e says 'e will put 'er name on the guest list for tonight in any case, if she changes 'er mind. Bradley gets a parcel delivered wen 'e is in the bloody baffroom, and 'e goes ter get it in just a wee towel, and locks 'imself out. He scrambles 'round, as 'e 'as been told not ter be late for the bleedin' meetin' wiv 'is boss at the club. I'll get out me spoons. He is frantic, and wen Claire arrives ter rescue 'im, he rashly promises 'er anyfink. She asks for an invite tonight, plus dinner, right, and 'er towel back. Bradley 'ave a looks nervous, as 'e asks "now?" but she says no, right, and lets 'im go ter get ready. He arrives and is 'ugely apologetic and Maggie 'ave a looks irritated. Bradley begs ter keep 'is Uncle Bob, right, sayin' 'e will do any overtime she wants, right, work all weekend, and Maggie says, tomorrow, lunchtime, yer can take me out. Jack and Tanya start snoggin' and 'e bends 'er over the table, right, and 'is hammer and tack goes and 'e can't move. They giggle a bit. Chelsea goes ter buy drugs and is mugged by a group of girls.