Sunday 15 June 2008

Mrs Masood is disgusted by Keiff's filffy socks and uvver kit on 'er floor. Mr Masood decides ter use Keiff's eclectic trivia knowledge and enter the bloomin' rub-a-dub quiz, do wot guvnor! He tells 'is ole lady that 'e 'as told Keiff that 'e 'as ter leave, but the only way 'e can cop him out of the house is ter take 'im ter the pub, init? Shirley is plannin' 'er "Mae West of British" rub-a-dub night at the Vic, and asks 'eaffer ter arrange the food. Heaffer gets a right good deal from a deli that's gahn out of business, do wot guvnor! Ian suggests ter Jane that they open the chippy, right, as there is that do on at the chuffin' Vic, and Jane 'ave a looks shifty, right, and Ian sighs, "don't tell me they are doin' food at the Vic." 'eaffer arrives, as Jane agreed ter judge the bleedin' baby contest. Ian 'as a go at 'er, right, and she says she got a cheap deal. He 'angs 'round and peeks at the chuffin' van wen it arrives and laughs and asks Shirley 'ow much she paid for it. Shirley says a bit less that they would 'ave for Ian's "over-priced slops." Ian smirks that it's fit for the Royal family. Heaffer asks wot 'e means, right, and 'e says it's all German food, do wot guvnor! Bianca's children are loud and irritatin' at Pat's and Bianca tells them not ter wake up nana Pat. Witney wants ter go ter the Vic, mentionin' the baby contest, so Bianca is persuaded ter spend the bloody entrance fee, right, £5 each. However, wen she goes ter enter, right, Shirley realises immediately that Bianca's yungest is over 18 monffs and Bianca is obnoxious and cheeky, init? Bianca goes 'ome and continues 'er Uncle Bob (puttin' letters in envelopes). It's Summer's birffday, right, and Jay nicks Jase's alarm clock and Jay says 'e wanted breakfast alone. Jase asks 'im wot 'e 'as bought for Summer's birffday and Jay sulks. Dorn forns over 'er baby, init?Jay moans ter Jase that 'e spends all 'is time wiv Dorn and all 'is brass on Summer - 'e 'asn't been able ter get trainers because Dorn spent the bloody brass on a dress for Summer and couldn't take it back. Jase agrees ter meet up wiv 'im later ter play footie in the park. Jase spots May in a car across the square, spyin' on 'is 'ouse. She says orkwardly she is 'ere ter give 'im a bonus, and writes 'im a cheque. Jane is surprised ter see 'er and asks wot she's doin' 'ere. May says it's Summer's birffday and Jane lies that they 'ave gone oray for the bloody day so she 'ad better leave it. Lucy brings Ollie ter Christian's flat, right, promisin' that 'e will be out all day, and Christian comes hammer and tack and cotches them almost kissin'. I'll get out me spoons. He asks for 'is keys back. As they are leavin' 'e advises Ollie "luvr boy" ter get some decent underwear. Christian is annoyed that Lucy lied ter him about Ollie and demands 'is keys back, do wot guvnor! Shirley goes ter ask Ian ter do the caterin', as she 'as no choice, right, and 'e reminds 'er that 'e only does "overpriced slops," and says 'e usually asks for 150 pounds up front, but 'e will make an exception, 250 for them. They 'ave no brass and 'eaffer comes hammer and tack later ter beg 'im, right, sayin' she 'as brought the chuffin' float, and they will also 'ave the entrance fees for the baby competition, init? Tanya's kids are ill and off school. Oscar can't do the bleedin' baby competition and wen Jack arrives ter collect Tanya, she says she can't go, init?It's Abi's birffday and Max 'as sent a card, and Jack is nervous about the implications, and if Max will want ter come back. He rummages 'round for the bleedin' envelope that came wiv the card, right, in Tanya's 'andbag, and she cotches 'im and shouts at 'im, right, sayin' woss it wiv men wantin' ter be in control, then, eh? She shows 'im the chuffin' scrap of paper, a shoppin' list, and says next time she writes one she'll give it ter him first ter dust for fingerprints. She says 'e can't just come in 'ere accusin' 'er of fings, do wot guvnor! Is this wot it will be like, then, eh, luv? Jack says if she 'as nuffink ter hide, right, woss the problem. She says wot if there are fings that she and Max did that are terrible; would 'e right want ter know, isit?He says quietly, yes, if she wants ter tell 'im. We don't spot weffer she does or not. Dorn puts fake tan on Summer for the bloody baby competition, and then Jack arrives and reminds 'er that she and Jase are late for work. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? She leaves Summer wiv Mickey, and wen she gets back, she gets 'ysterical about the streaky over-done fake tan, and panics that she 'as ter sort it out and needs Jase ter help 'er, but Jase 'as ter go ter meet Jay, as promised, and refuses ter stay, right, despite all 'er beggin' and cajolin'. Wen 'e gets back, he says they need ter talk. They argue loudly in the middle of the chuffin' square, wiv Dorn dismissin' 'is worry about Jay as trivial, just wot teenagers do. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Jase says if this is 'ow it will be they need ter wait ter get married, right? Dorn wails and cries and goes 'ome. There is a knock on Dorn's door and assumes it's 'im, and opens the door ter see May, and panics and slams the chuffin' door and says that she will call the bobbies