Eastenders (Cockney style)

Friday 11 July 2008

2008-08-01T18:22:00.000+01:00

At the bloomin' fairground near the chuffin' beach, Sean rabbit and porks ter Roxy, right, tells 'er ter put the mockers on drinkin', she could be damagin' the baby. She says she don't care, right, and they argue a bit, right, and a man comes over ter ask if she is Not so bad. Sean tells 'im ter mind 'is own business, and Roxy says she don't know Sean, and yes, he is bovverin' 'er. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? The man steps up and wen 'e grabs Sean, Sean kicks 'is legs out and dumps 'im on the sand, and repeats 'is freat. Roxy 'as taken this opportunity ter run off. Peggy goes ter collect 'er whistle and flutecase, wich the bobbies 'ave recovered. Sean finds Roxy and 'e says yes, he's not favver of the year material, and yes, right, he 'as been a mess but now 'e knows wot 'e wants, but they are alike, they 'ave boff been 'round the chuffin' block, made mistakes, right, been 'urt, right, this baby could be a 'oole new start, right, put the bloody mistakes behind them, the bloomin' two of them. She is sceptical and she says 'e right believes that - but 'e don't want 'er, all 'e wants is the baby. She walks off and 'e calls after 'er that 'e luvs 'er. They rabbit and pork and she says if she were sure about 'im .., init?Sean says sincerely that she can be sure, he luvs 'er, and does she feel anyfink for 'im at all, then, eh, mate? She kisses 'im briefly and unenffusiastically, and says that's it, right, how she feels. He sighs. Ronnie goes ter pack Roxy's kit and 'er favver starts ter try persuadin' 'er that she is makin' a mistake, and she says 'e is manipulatin' Roxy, and 'e is buyin' Roxy. He says 'e is sharin' 'is wealff, right, he wants to. He says that after 'is illness, he 'ave a looks at it differently, the chuffin' brass don't matter, and 'e wants ter help out where 'e can, do wot guvnor! Ronnie say no, right, he just wants ter take Roxy oray from 'er, and 'e tells 'er that she ain't 'appy, right, ffese men, Jack, etc, sounds like a mess, and 'er career ain't right gahn anywhere, she is just usin' Roxy ter fill the bloomin' hole in 'er life. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Ronnie says, yes, that 'ole is 'is fault - the baby that 'e made 'er give over, init?He says it were the right fin', she weren't ole enough at 14 ter have a baby. Then 'e says 'e didn't force 'er ter sign the paper, she 'ad the choice, Nanny Goat Race it, she made the bloody wrong decision, init?Ronnie says she were 14 and 'e told 'er it were the right fin' ter do, right, and if she did, he would 'ave a look after 'er, right, luv 'er, right, but then after she 'ad, he ignored 'er, as soon as she were ole enough ter have a mind of 'er own, right, he 'ated 'er. He says angrily that she were selfish, callous, she used ter be 'is wee girl, dote on 'im and then she suddenly turned 13 and were interested in fellas and all 'er attention went ter some spotty kid, right, and she got 'erself pregnant. Ronnie rants about 'ow she called the adoption agency but they couldn't tell 'er anyfink, right, and 'ow she dreams about the baby, right, and the child. She says all that were 'is fault. Archie says if she 'ad said she were sorry, right, admitted it were a mistake, shown respect ter him, right, it could 'ave been different. He repeats insistently, say sorry, right, now, right, go on. She leaves, right, and Archie says oh, by the way don't bovver ter 'ave a look for 'er, she died 13 years ago. Ronnie turns hammer and tack and says 'e's lyin', why didn't 'e tell 'er before. He says she spit in 'is Nanny Goat Race, he wouldn't tell a nasty, right, spiteful girl like yer about a baby she didn't even want, that she gave oray. Archie says the chuffin' family called ter tell 'er, because they fought the bloody birff muvver should be at the funeral, but 'e didn't tell 'er. So, she can forget 'er paffetic maudlin fantasy about the daughter she disposed of, she is dead and buried, rottin' and it's all Ronnie's fault. He snotches 'er locket wiv the picture of 'er baby. He says that's life's payback for Ronnie's vicious, selfish, neglect of 'er favver, do wot guvnor! She slaps 'im and 'e 'olds 'er dahn on the sofa wiv 'is 'ands round 'er neck, wiv 'is 'oole weight on 'er. He tells 'er that if she pushes 'er luck, right, he will finish 'er for right good, teach 'er a lesson once and for all. He gets up and she gasps and rubs 'er neck. Roxy walks in and asks woss gahn on, do wot guvnor! Ronnie 'as recovered and is sittin' on the chuffin' floor, right, 'ave a lookin' dishevelled. Archie frows a few notes at Ronnie on the bloody floor and says she said 'er taxi is waitin' outside. Roxy asks for a few minutes alone wiv Ronnie. Archie goes outside and spots Sean, waitin', and 'e introduces 'imself politely ter Archie, 'oo 'ave a looks 'im up and dahn and don't 'ave a look pleased. He tells Sean ter go ter an 'otel, on 'im, and shoves a wad of cash at 'im. Peggy arrives hammer and tack and Archie lies that Ronnie 'as shut 'im out and she is a disturbed bint. Peggy apologises for 'er part in it and says she will sort them out. Archie and Sean come hammer and tack in a few minutes later ter join them, and Archie acts right differently ter Ronnie, right, sayin' 'e wants ter be chinas. He asks them all ter stay the bleedin' night. Roxy asks Ronnie ter make up and she pretends to, right, but says she 'as ter leave now or she never will, do wot guvnor! She tells them she 'as decided ter give it a go wiv Sean. Archie 'ave a looks irritated but calls 'er 'is wee blonde angel, wich is wot 'e 'as said Ronnie were wen she were a child, and 'e 'ave a looks pointedly and Ronnie wen 'e says it. Ronnie pretends ter kiss 'is cheek, right, and wispers that she will kiss 'is gravestone wen 'e's dead. They 'ave a look nastily at each uvver. They all leave, and Ronnie sends off 'er taxi, right, as she is copping a lift wiv Sean. Archie makes a last ditch attempt ter get Peggy ter stay, askin' 'er ter share a bottle of champagne, right, and 'e goes on about them bein' ole enough that they can't werete time and 'e wants ter ask 'er wot 'e should 'ave 40 years ago. She 'ave a looks flattered and smiles flirtatiously, init?Ronnie and Roxy are wonderin' woss keepin' 'er, right, and wen they go ter ask, Peggy says she 'as decided ter stay a week or so wiv Archie, ffen "they" will come hammer and tack to Walford. Ronnie 'ave a looks 'orrified. Sean drives Roxy and Ronnie 'ome

Thursday 10 July 2008

2008-08-01T18:21:00.000+01:00

Ronnie goes off in a strop and rants at Peggy that she 'as ter get Roxy out, right, she can't stay 'ere wiv 'er favver. Peggy says 'e were delighted wen 'e 'eard that Peggy were bringing Ronnie ter see 'im, and blokes change. Peggy goes ter ask Roxy ter come 'ome wiv Ronnie, and says they can leave because they came in 'er car and it's been nicked. I'll get out me spoons. Archie and Peggy chat wile Ronnie tries ter persuade Roxy ter come wiv 'er. Archie is upset that 'e 'asn't seen Ronnie for 15 years, and asks about 'er - sayin' that Roxy only tells 'im wot 'e wants ter hear. Archie persuades Roxy ter ask Ronnie ter stay there, since she is stuck there any road, and there's nowhere else nearby that's open, init?Roxy does, and says she is fed up wiv Ronnie cluckin' over 'er, right, and not lettin' 'er fink for 'erself. Roxy says she is stayin' 'ere, to 'ide from Sean. Ronnie says they found 'er, so Sean will too. Roxy says well, she came 'ere ter get oray from Ronnie too, she's fed up wiv bein' Ronnie's baby. Roxy says 'e 'as been a favver, 'ave a lookin' after 'er, and Ronnie could 'ave that too. Ronnie says no thanks, right, and sniffles a bit. Roxy tells 'er she can stay, right, wivout 'avin' ter talk ter Dad, right, ffen cop an early train back. Meanwile, right, Phil is wiv Susie Brannin' at the bloody salon where the men chasin' 'er are breakin' in, and they escape frough the back door ter Phil's car, init?The men give chase in their car. They drive round a corner and then Phil pulls 'is car out of an 'idden driveway. Susie thanks 'im and says "I'm all tingly." She asks 'im 'ow many business 'e owns and weffer 'e is divorced or gay. He says 'e is a widower, right, and she says she could cop to like 'im. She prattles on and on, right, and asks 'ow can she repay 'im? He asks 'er 'ow quick she could lose 'er voice. Phil and Susie arrive at the Vic and she says 'e owns a rub-a-dub - 'e must be rollin' in it. Phil asks 'er wot 'er ex is after, right, because 'e wants ter know wot 'e is up against if the ex comes after Susie. Phil finds a spare bedroom (Roxy's) and wen 'e comes ter say goodbye she opens the sheets up and asks 'im ter stay, as she 'asn't thanked 'im properly. Ronnie goes ter bed and Archie and Peggy 'ave some more wine in 'is 'uge lounge and chat about children and grandchildren. She says 'e's done well for 'imself. He says 'e invested in boozers and clubs and then sold up. He says it's only an 'ouse and 'e wanted 'is children, and 'e used ter ffink that the bloody only way 'e'd cop ffem 'ere were on 'is deaff-bed and 'e would die 'appy. Then 'e got cancer, right, and 'e never told the bloody girls because then 'e realised that they would only be there because they 'ad ter be, not because they wanted ter be. He and Peggy seem right cosy and flirtatious. Cor blimey guv! It's mornin', and Sean is in WeyNorth and South. It's 7:45 and Phi wakes up. Susie says 'e snores and is this room a shrine ter his dead trouble and strife, isit?Phil says no, right, it's 'is cousin's. Susie says she 'as ter get hammer and tack to 'er salon, right, it's probably been trashed, and she says life is just one big springy mattress and she's bouncin' out of 'is bed and leavin' now. Phil tells 'er goodbye and says 'e is worried about 'er alone, and Ben overhears and 'ave a looks out, right, ffen 'ides again. Ben wotches as Phil gets in the car wiv Susie ter take 'er 'ome. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. They 'ave a look at the mess and Phil asks wot this is right about. She runs in and 'ave a looks frough a pile of boxes of stationery and underneaff till rolls is an 'uge bag (couple of kilos) wich she puts in 'er oversized shoulder bag and goes ter sit at a bus put the mockers on. Roxy 'as gone into tahn and Ronnie follows 'er and Roxy says she is 'ome now, and is bein' 'ave a looked after - Dad is the bloomin' Mae West she 'as right now, right, and 'e could be there for Ronnie too. She says bye ter Ronnie and sits on a seaside fairground ride swiggin' vodka from an 'alf bottle. Sean is wanderin' 'round the same fair.

Tuesday 8 July 2008

2008-08-01T18:20:00.000+01:00

Sean is mad as 'e asks Billy where Ronnie and Peggy 'ave gone, and smashes a glass then goes up the apples and pears and grabs 'oney's baby and tells Billy and 'oney that they 'ave ter tell 'im where they went, where Roxy is. After freatenin' ter ffrow the baby out of the window, and a bit of shoutin', right, Sean is amazed that the baby 'as fallen asleep in 'is arms and 'e 'ave a looks at it paternally, right, and mutters ter himself that Roxy can't do this ter him. I'll get out me spoons. Billy and 'oney 'ave no idea, and Sean says 'e is only in that state because she is keepin' 'im oray from 'is own baby. Billy says Sean should just 'ave said so and Sean says 'e assumed they already knew. Billy gets the address - it's only the bleedin' name of the tahn, right, WeyNorth and South [wich is a big tahn, and will be 'ard ter search! Blimey!] Billy is surprised wen Aunt Sal arrives ter keep an eye on 'im and 'oney. Billy wines ter Honey that Roxy didn't even trust 'im enough ter tell 'im about 'er pregnancy and now Peggy obviously 'ad second foughts about lettin' 'im run the bloody Vic. Phil goes ter Susie's address and the lass there says Susie left a monff ago ter sunny Portugal and asks wot Phil wants wiv 'er, right? He says it's 'is business. He calls Max, right, 'oo don't believe that 'is sister could be abroad. I'll get out me spoons. Phil says 'e'll try again, and goes hammer and tack to rabbit and pork ter the unhelpful cow, right, sayin' 'e is angry. The cow asks 'ow angry, and then says Not so bad, she's out the back frough the salon. She locks the door behind 'im and asks 'oo sent 'im. Phil breaks it dahn and then a man 'oo is after Susie attacks 'im, and after 'e deals wiv 'im, right, the cow smacks 'im wen 'e's not 'ave a lookin'. Susie phones Max, and after a short conversation, asks Phil for 'er brass. Wen Phil is about ter leave she grabs 'is car keys, and runs off ter a locked room. She tells 'im that she wants 'im ter take 'er ter Max. Phil says it were a favour for Max, he ain't Max's messenger. Then some more men arrive at the bleedin' salon door wiv the bloke Phil seen off earlier. Sean 'otwires a car and drives ter WeyNorth and South. Roxy is flouncin' 'round a right expensive-'ave a lookin' bedroom and a yung man appears wiv a drink (cocktail) for 'er as she is admirin' 'er (flat) stomach in the mirror. She says sumfink flirty ter him and 'e massages 'er hammer and tack as she lies on the bed. Then she gets a dog and bone call and says "yes, right, the gardener is still 'ere, workin' 'is wee socks off." She tells the man ter get hammer and tack to work, init?She wanders 'round the huge kitchen admirin' 'er waistline and cookin' food, init? Peggy wants Ronnie ter talk ter her, in detail. Peggy asks about 'er life and 'er child. Ronnie says she were Amy and she 'as no idea where she is. Peggy asks for more open communication from 'er, and says Ronnie is too cold and Ronnie says she don't want ter be like 'er and Roxy, let vile men do fings ter ffem - she knows wot Eric did, hit 'er all the bleedin' time. Peggy says Phil took the beatings for 'er, and the bloody two of them protected Grant and Sam, do wot guvnor! They wander onto the subject of Ronnie's favver, and Ronnie says Archie 'ad numerous affairs and that is why their muvver took a one-way trip ter Australia, right, and abandoned 'er and Roxy. She says she wished 'im dead then, and still does, she 'as never wanted any fairy dead more. Peggy can't believe that Archie were like that - she fought 'e were luvly. Wile they chat, a man puts 'is number on their table and tells Ronnie ter call 'im. They leave the cafe and find the bloody car missin', and call the bloomin' bobbies. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Peggy suggests they call Roxy ter pick them up. Ronnie realises that Roxy is wiv some bloke, and Peggy says 'e is sposed ter be just wot she needs. Ronnie decides ter ffumb a lift, right, and the man 'oo left 'is number puts the mockers on for 'er. He makes a naughty comment and Peggy tells 'im ter wotch 'is North and South. The man asks Ronnie ter go out tonight after she 'as ditched the bloomin' old bird. Ronnie tells 'im ter pull over and they cop out and ball of chalk to the bleedin' large 'ouse and ringg the bloody doorbell. A man opens the door and clearly Peggy and Ronnie recognise 'im, and 'e tells Ronnie "Happy Birffday," so I assume it's 'er favver.

Monday 7 July 2008

2008-08-01T18:18:00.000+01:00

Ronnie is winin' ter Peggy about Roxy not bein' able ter 'ave a look after 'erself, and she went missin' before for 5 days "off 'er Nanny Goat Race" on drugs. Jack interrupts wiv a dog and bone call. Phil phones up about a flat in Watford. Ben asks if 'e'd still spot gran, and why can't they go hammer and tack to live at the bloomin' Vic. Phil says it's time they 'ad their own 'ome. Ben goes ter see Peggy and says 'e will never be able ter dance again, and they are movin' ter Watford and 'e will never spot her again. Sean spots Max and taunts 'im about 'is ole lady makin' mugs out of boff of them. Sean says if 'e were in Max's place, havin' lost 'is ole lady and kids, he would cop revenge, right, "trust me, if I couldn't 'ave them, no-one could." Sean spots Ronnie and asks if she 'as 'eard from Roxy yet, and where she is, as 'e 'as been callin' 'er all night. Ronnie says she 'as 'ad no sleep eever, right, and they are boff in the same boat. She goes ter Jack's and 'e says she needn't 'ave 'urried, but 'e just wanted ter check she were Not so bad, right, Nanny Goat Race ter Nanny Goat Race. He says there 'as been a development and 'e wanted ter run it past 'er. He says 'e's movin' in wiv Tanya. Ronnie says, right, unconcerned, "is that it, eh? oh, right, well, congratulations." Jack says 'e wanted 'er ter hear it from 'im, not the bloody square gossip. Ronnie asks if 'e is doin' it for Tanya or ter get one over on Max. Jack says she knows 'im well enough - wot does she fink. I'll get out me spoons. Max drops 'is car off at the Arches and is there wen Peggy comes ter berate Phil for upsettin' Ben. She goes on "if Grant were 'ere." Phil points out that Grant 'as gone 'alf way round the world, she is complainin' about 'im movin' 'alf-way across London. He also tells 'er off for lyin' ter Ronnie, so she can 'ave evry geezer dancin' ter her wee tune. Sean arrives a bit later and asks Phil if 'e knows where 'is cousin is. Phil says 'e wouldn't know, init? Sean visits Peggy and asks after Roxy, right, and Peggy denies all knowledge. Max spots Ronnie in the square and invites 'er for a drink, right, ffen starts bitchin' about Jack. He says that Jack only cares about doin' a man dahn, right, and Ronnie says she asked Jack that too. Max says - wot else could account for 'is choice - 'ave a look at yer and 'ave a look at Tanya. Ronnie don't seem taken in by 'is sleazy chat up lines. Max says Tanya is tradin' up, same make, different model. Ronnie asks about Jack, and Max says that Jack found 'er a bit 'ard work, and Jack is used ter his 'ave a looks copping any cow, but she weren't so easy. Max says blokes like 'im 'ave ter work 'arder than blokes like Jack, and know more about 'ow ruddy ladies feel, wot they fink before they even fink it. Ronnie says icily "that works for yer does it?" Max gets even more flirtatious Ronnie mentions it's 'er birffday and 'e says 'e likes ter do sumfink special on 'is birffday, right, and leans in for a kiss. She is 'orrified and says it's 'er birffday, not 'is, woss it wiv the bloomin' Brannin' men! She tells 'im ter get out. Max asks Phil ter take an envelope of cash ter his sister - because Phil is gonna spot the flat near where she lives. Billy and 'oney 'ave some accommodation problem and need ter ask Peggy for somewhere ter stay, right, but wiv Phil leavin', Peggy invites 'im before 'e can even ask. Wen Peggy gets back, right, Ronnie is drinkin' vodka, and 'as clearly 'ad a bit already. Peggy asks 'ow bad it can be, and Ronnie says she were that close ter sleepin' wiv Max Brannin'. Peggy says they 'ave ter sort Roxy out, and then Sean. Ronnie says she 'as tried ter call Roxy Old Kent Roads of times, and Peggy says she will try. A wee later (and not necessarily 'avin' actually called) she 'ands Ronnie the address of Roxy's place in Dorset. Ronnie sulks in 'er room and refuses ter go wiv Peggy ter see Roxy, sayin' that Roxy don't need 'er big sister any more, init?Peggy says Roy don't know wot she wants, and they know wot she needs more than she does, so they should go and find 'er. Peggy leaves Billy and 'oney in charge of the Vic. Sean comes in and asks where Peggy and Ronnie are, and Billy tells 'im that 'e can't say, right, because it's orkward, she don't know they are comin'. I'll get out me spoons. Sean says 'oo and Billy tells 'im they 'ave gone gonna Roxy's. Peggy won't let Ronnie drive after all the bloomin' vodka and Ronnie says that Peggy 'asn't driven for many years, right, and this car is Roxy's pride and joy, do wot guvnor! Peggy crashes the gears and jerkily pulls oray at about 5mph.

Friday 4 July 2008

2008-08-01T18:17:00.000+01:00

Sean is wotchin' TV loudly and Charlie can't sleep. He rants at Sean's lack of consideration, sayin' it's 'is 'ouse. Stacey mediates and Charlie says ter Stacey that she lets 'im cop oray wiv murder [he is bein' metaphorical, but Stacey gives it a 'ave a look.] In the cafe, right, Jack tells Sean ter crorl hammer and tack under 'is rock. He buys sumfink, wich Jane warns 'im is in aid of "gay pride," and she says she fought 'e were more macho, and 'e says cheerfully that 'e is confident of 'is sexuality. Jane says Tanya told 'im about wot 'e's doin' for 'er, and buyin' an 'ouse is pretty amazin'. At 'ome, Abi asks Tanya where Dad will live now, right, and Max arrives [why does she let 'im keep a key?] Max shouts at Tanya and refuses ter leave the bloody house wen she tells 'im ter get out. Later, Jack arrives and tells Tanya that it's all gahn ahead wiv Ruby. Tanya says it's a right big fin', and she'd 'ate 'im ter ffink 'e is obliged ter do it because of them, right, and she will pay as much as she can towards it, init?Jack says if she feels bad, she can rent it from 'im ter make it all above board. She kisses 'im. They cop right intimate and Jack is 'alf dressed wen Ronnie arrives. She is surprised ter see Tanya walks out in a dressin' gown, and says somewot bitterly that Jack didn't werete any time there. Jack says 'e's sorry she found out this way, and wot did she want, then, guv? She says she wanted 'elp trackin' dahn Roxy. He says no, he can't, but don't explain 'is real reason. Cor blimey guv! Tanya gets dressed and as she is leavin', Jack says 'e can't afford ter keep the chuffin' flat if 'e 'as bought the house, so can 'e move in wiv 'er, then, eh, squire? She is clearly surprised, and says they can rabbit and pork about it later. Cor blimey guv! She goes ter see Jane and says she don't know wot ter do now it is movin' so fast. Jane jokes "buy new sheets." Tanya says it's too soon. Jane says Jack is good for 'er, she is so 'appy, and she deserves it, and the girls will come 'round - and wot better ally against Max, isit? Bradley spots Max and starts ter talk, right, but Max tells 'im 'e don't want ter talk. Bradley goes ter Stacey and asks wot they're gonna do about Sean, he is a loose cannon - the bloomin' state of that girl last night, and wot will 'e do ter Tanya if 'e discovers about Jack, then? Stacey says they need ter send 'im oray, right, possibly ter Wee Mo's, maybe say they are gahn on 'oliday, and they can come hammer and tack quickly, right, leavin' 'im there, do wot guvnor! He goes ter the cafe and Max apologises for earlier and Bradley says 'e is busy this time. Stacey tells Sean and says she is hammer and tack wiv Bradley, right, and they are gonna Wee Mo's. Sean says 'e 'asn't seen 'er for ages. I'll get out me spoons. He goes ter the Vic, and Peggy is surly wen servin' 'im. Ronnie arrives and asks where the incubator is (Roxy). Ronnie says she ain't in the mood, and she wouldn't let Sean wivin a mile of 'er any road, init?Sean is angry, and Peggy frows 'im out. Vinnie and Shirley are gonna go on 'oliday wiv the bonus, and Shirley is sposed ter arrange it, and eh says ter Ricky that 'e can't wait ter get Shirley alone, oray from 'eaffer. He buys an 'orrific fong and shows it ter Peggy. Then 'eaffer arrives wiv Shirley and they discuss the holiday, right, and clearly are boff gahn. Vinnie is disappointed. Sean rabbit and porks ter Stacey and she tells 'im about gonna the address she found in 'is jeans, and seein' the bloody lass all beaten up. He asks why and she says there were all that blood, right, not yors, right, and she were afraid the chuffin' bobbies might be after 'im. He says 'e can't remember anyfink about wot 'appened, just bein' there. Max goes ter the bloomin' Vic and spots Jack and tells 'im 'e 'as bitten off more than 'e can chew, right, and 'e 'as 'ad Suzy on the chuffin' dog and bone, their sister, and she is skint, so Jack can bail 'er out since 'e is so Old Kent Roaded. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Jack says 'e did it last time, right, and all 'is brass is tied up elsewhere now. Tanya arrives and Jack says 'e don't want ter push 'er into anyfink, he can stay put where 'e is and find sumfink cheaper. Tanya replies, smilin', right, that 'e 'as ter promise ter put the rubbish out, and tread carefully wiv the girls, and wait until Lauren comes hammer and tack to tell them, right? Jack is pleased. They walks out and she tells 'im ter nip 'ome and cop an overnight bag, right, and they kiss in the street. Sean 'appens ter be 'ave a lookin' out of the bleedin' window at the time. Tanya tells Abi that Uncle Jack is comin' ter dinner and she tries ter broach the bloody subject of Uncle Jack maybe livin' wiv them, since 'e 'as 'elped so much wiv the chuffin' house. Stacey arrives and warns Tanya that Sean is 'round, and ter stay oray. Tanya says she seen him yesterday and she finks 'e knows. She goes ter the chuffin' kitchen and spots the back door open and shuts it, 'ave a lookin' worried. Then Abi walks in, and Tanya jumps, init? Max goes ter see Bradley and wines that 'e knows 'e 'as done bad fings, but Jack will weasel 'is way in wiv 'is children, right, and 'e 'as nowhere ter go now that Jack 'as gazumped 'im. Bradley tells Stacey that Max is 'omeless and 'e is gonna ask 'im ter come and live 'ere, right, and Stacey Sean goes ter see Jack, right, and says Jack lied about Tanya, right, and Jack says 'e and Tanya were over a long time ago, right, and wot about Roxy, she is pregnant wiv 'is kid, she is the real deal, right, why ain't 'e chasin' 'er? Sean appears ter agree, and as 'e leaves, Jack says don't go after Ronnie, right, she don't know where Roxy is. Sean don't believe 'im until Jack explains that Ronnie came ter ask 'im ter find Roxy for 'er. Sean goes ter see Ronnie and tells 'er that 'e will be waitin' wen Roxy comes hammer and tack to spot her. In the Vic, Peggy answers the bleedin' dog and bone, and puts it dahn quickly, sayin' don't call 'ere, right, and then Phil and Ronnie ball of chalk in. Ronnie asks if that were Roxy on the dog and bone and Peggy says wrong number. Wen Ronnie leaves, right, Phil wispers that she is unbelievable - 'e 'eard 'er, right, and why don't she just tell Ronnie where Roxy is, then, squire?

Thursday 3 July 2008

2008-08-01T18:16:00.000+01:00

Stacey and Jean ask Sean 'oo did this ter him and say 'e needs ter go ter hospital. He refuses and Stacey tries ter mop up the bloomin' blood and tidy the bloomin' blood off 'is Nanny Goat Race. She asks why 'e didn't answer 'er calls, right? Then she suddenly realises that 'is Nanny Goat Race underneaff all the bloody blood ain't cut, right, so the bloomin' blood ain't 'is. He is silent and jumps up and walks off. Cor blimey guv! Stacey goes over ter Bradley and tells 'im the bloody story about the mystery blood. Vinnie cooks breakfast for Shirley and Ricky at the bloomin' Vic. Ricky asks if they fink they are takin' advantage of Peggy (and eatin' 'is eggs). As they argue over the bleedin' breakfast, and end up wiv it on the bloomin' floor, they 'ere a ooh-woo and Peggy walks in. She turns 'er nose up at the bacon and egg on the bloody floor. Shirley says she never expected them 'ome so early. Ben asks why Max is sleepin' in 'is bed. Peggy says "listen 'ere, right, yer" ter Shirley, right, and tells 'er ter put the mockers on wearin' 'er dressin' gown and cop dressed. Right. Peggy is 'appy wiv the takings so pays Shirley £200 but says next time she will keep 'er wardrobe locked, init?Phil tells Max that 'e's sorry, but 'e needs the bleedin' bedroom back. A wee later, Phil discovers that Ben is gonna dance lessons and shouts at Peggy for lyin' ter him and interferin' and naggin'. She says Not so bad, if 'e 'ates 'er so much, right, move out, he is a middle-aged man livin' wiv 'is mum. Jase and Dorn move into the bleedin' B&B. Ted arrives ter see Jean and Charlie cheerfully invites 'im in and gives 'im tea. He drinks it waitin' for Jean, and 'e 'ave a looks at the drainin' board and moves the cups into a more symmetrical pattern. Ted asks after Sean, right, and Stacey arrives and says now ain't a good time. Jean is upset wen 'e 'as gone, and tells Stacey 'ow upset she is that she frew 'im out. Stacey says she did Ted a favour, and 'ow would Sean react seein' 'is muvver wiv a strange man right now, she is worried about it, luv? Sean comes dahn and Stacey asks 'im wot 'appened, and Sean says 'e were out of it, right, he don't recall, and 'e says 'e don't care about anyfink any more. Bianca and Witney set up the new TV and Pat is cross, sayin' that they shouldn't 'ave unpacked it, right, they 'ave ter send it back. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Bianca says 'er guardian angel wants 'er ter have it. Max goes ter Tanya's (soon ter be 'is) 'ouse and says 'e is stayin' because 'e 'ad ter leave the chuffin' Vic. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. At the salon, Jack offers Tanya the name of a solicitor. Tanya says Max is clever, he knows she won't disrupt the kids and their schoolin', but she can't stand livin' under the same roof as 'im. Jack offers 'er 'is flat ter stay in, and she says no, it's too soon. He says 'e would move out. However, wen Tanya goes ter the cafe, right, Jane offers 'er a place ter stay. Sean walks in, right, and asks Tanya if she missed 'im, and she replies smugly "why, did yer go somewhere?" Stacey 'ave a looks in Sean's pockets and finds an address and Bradley takes 'er there. It's an empty, scruffy and tatty flat, do wot guvnor! A beaten up girl arrives 'ome and asks wot they are doin' so they make an 'asty exit, do wot guvnor! Max spots Jack and smugly says that it's 'is 'ouse and 'is kids, and there is nuffink Jack can do about it. Jack 'ave a looks foughtful, and is obviously plannin' ter do sumfink. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. He is there wiv Tanya and Abi wen Max arrives and Abi runs ter him. Tanya tells Abi ter go ter her room wile she rabbit and porks ter Max, init?She shouts at Max that it's not right 'e come and destroy evryfink. I'll get out me spoons. She tells Abi ter get ready, they are leavin'. Abi wants ter stay at 'ome wiv Max. Jack makes a call, right, and 'ave a looks 'appy. Meanwile, right, Tanya shouts at Max in 'er kitchen. Jack says 'e 'as just called Ruby and 'e's buyin' the bloomin' house now. Phil packs ter leave the bleedin' Vic, and frows oray Ben's dance shoes. Ronnie arrives and asks where Roxy is, right, but no-one seems ter know

Tuesday 1 July 2008

2008-08-01T18:14:00.001+01:00

Tuesday 1 July 2008 Mickey makes a life-changin' decision but it remains ter be seen weffer Keiff will follow whistle and flute. Shirley and 'eaffer arrange a rub-a-dub quiz in an attempt ter recover Vinnie's financial losses. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The chuffin' revoltin' Millers are asleep in the bloody Masood's lounge. Mickey and Keiff argue over dirty kit and Keiff nickin' evry geezer's tidy fings. Mickey 'ave a looks in Keiff's kit bag for the kit Keiff 'as taken, right, and finds a letter from Darren's muvver, offerin' Keiff a Uncle Bob. They argue about 'im not bovverin' ter dog and bone ffem back. Keiff lies about phonin' for the Uncle Bob, right, and evry geezer knows 'e's lyin' and Mickey says 'e will dog and bone to take the bleedin' Uncle Bob if Keiff won't, he 'as nuffink ter keep 'im 'ere. Keiff says 'e will try 'arder, right, and Mickey says 'e 'as sat on 'is backside and lived off the social all 'is life, and 'e keeps makin' promises but nuffink comes of it. The chuffin' Uncle Bob were a chance ter provide for 'is family, right, but no. They 'ave no 'ome, no socks, no bed, he 'asn't even got a photo of 'is daughter, wot would it take ter make Keiff DO sumfink, mate? Tanya broaches the subject of Uncle Jack wiv Abi, and says they are boychina and girlmate. Abi runs out screamin'. Max arrives later, wen Jack is there and Max says 'e is 'ere ter apologise. Jack says sceptically "right?" Max says 'e is movin' hammer and tack to the chuffin' square for 'is kids. Jack says it's good of 'im ter visit, but 'e's sure Max is busy. Max says 'e needs a private word wiv 'is ole lady. Jack says if Max steps out of line, right, Jack will pay 'im a visit. He leaves, and Max tells Tanya that 'e wants ter see 'is kids. She finks it's just a trick ter take the chuffin' kids. Abi visits Max and says she wants 'im 'ome. Max takes a dog and bone call and wen 'e gets back, he tells Abi that evryfink will be not so bad, right, he 'as sorted it. Bianca's mestery presents continue - wiv a large TV arrivin'. Vinnie bets the bloody takings from Shirley's special night and loses. Shirley arranges a quiz night, as Peggy will be hammer and tack soon and she needs ter have made some brass. Shirley tells 'eaffer ter get some questions. Old Mo 'as porned Brenda's 'orn, right, and spent the brass on some dodgy goods (a bit of toasters) ter sell but Brenda is comin' hammer and tack to collect it soon, right, and they 'aven't got the cash ter get it back. They decide ter enter the rub-a-dub quiz. Brenda arrives early, wile they are arguin' about 'oo will be in the team (no-one wants to). Bradley gets a mate from work ter come, but 'e 'as a car accident on the way. At Jean's, right, Ted arrives and 'e says 'e's quite right good at quizzes, right, and Jean says she 'ates questions. Ted says Not so bad, and Jean says 'e right wants ter go don't 'e - she wouldn't 'ave ter answer any questions. The bloomin' Millers decide ter enter the bloody rub-a-dub quiz as it will be Mickey's last night before 'e goes ter ffeir muvver's for the Uncle Bob. Keiff mopes and says ter Dorn that 'e 'ad been 'opin' the bloody letter were ter offer 'im anuvver chance, and 'e luvs 'er, and Dorn replies sharply it's a shame 'e never showed it. Keiff sits at Mrs Masood's and sulks instead of gonna the bloody pub. He tells 'er nastily that 'e is sick of 'er comments about 'is personal 'ygiene problems. He lets 'er tidy 'im up, he 'as an 'aircut, and a shave, alffough 'e leaves a strange wee bit of fluff in the bleedin' middle of 'is chin, for no apparent reason, and 'e goes ter the bleedin' Vic ter apologise ter Mickey and say 'e will go ter ffeir muvver's after all. Max arrives at Tanya's and says 'e 'as found a place ter live - 'ere. Ruby were sellin' and she offered 'im first refusal, right, and 'e 'as bought it. The bloomin' quiz starts and 'eaffer reads out the first round of "General Knowledge" questions, all about famous generals. Shirley snotches the chuffin' clip board and says round two is 'ers, and asks questions about the human body. Shirley delays the quiz rounds and says it's 'appy 'our. The Slaters and Pat's team 'ave ter make a tie break, and it's 'ow many market stalls there are, wich o'course Bradley knows so they win, and Charlie goes ter fetch the horn (they told Brenda it were bein' tidyed). Brenda is on 'er way out by the time Charlie gets back. Stacey thanks Bradley for 'elpin' 'er family wiv a kiss. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? As they wait at the bar, Sean asks for a drink and Stacey 'ave a looks at 'im, horrified, right, as 'e is covered in dirt and blood and 'ave a looks like 'e's just come from a fight

Friday 27 June 2008

2008-07-20T21:03:00.000+01:00

Bradley and Stacey wonder why the front door is struck, right, and 'e realises it is locked, and Jean and Dot did it on purpose. He says why don't they just rabbit and pork since that's obviously wot they want, and they will be hammer and tack soon. Stacey says she is claustrophobic, right, and almost smashes a window ter get out, but Bradley puts the mockers on 'er, right, sayin' 'e luvs 'er. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. He says 'e 'as forgiven 'er, it were all Max's fault, and Stacey says thanks, but she 'asn't forgiven 'erself, and she couldn't take it if Bradley decided later 'e couldn't live wiv 'er. She says Bradley said 'e fought she'd cheat on 'im again some time. Right. He says 'e were upset at the time. She says it's Mae West to leave it as mates. Tanya and Max argue about 'im movin' hammer and tack in. He is aggressive and belligerent and she gives in and says she 'as been seein' some bloke else, init?She is frightened and says 'e is 'urtin' 'er as 'e is grabbin' 'er. He insists that she tells 'im 'oo it is and wen she tells 'im, he says that Jack took advantage of 'er and Jack only wants 'er because she belongs ter him. The bloody shoutin' wakes up Abi, right, 'oo comes dahn the apples and pears and asks woss 'appenin'. Max freatens ter tell the kids wot duplicitous wee 'oore Tanya is, and says guess wot Abi, right, yer know yor uncle Jack, eh, luv? She is all ears, waitin' for the bleedin' reveal and Max says 'e ain't Daddy's favourite geezer right now, and 'e goes over ter see Jack. Max walks in and tells Jack that Tanya took 'im back. Jack says sceptically, right, isit?Max can't keep it up and attacks Jack, and says were it a mistake, then, guv? Jack says no, he luvs 'er, and Max ain't exactly on the bloody strongest ground ter preach about fidelity and loyalty. He says Tanya were strugglin' and 'e were 'ave a lookin' out for 'er, right, and 'e is sorry, right, but that were a recent development, right, and 'e is just gahn wiv 'is 'eart. Max says 'e knows Jack only wants ter get hammer and tack at 'im. He says Jack must 'ave been laughin' wen 'e told Jack 'e 'ad changed. Jack says no, he felt a bit sorry, but 'e knows Max won't change. Max says Jack lied ter his kids. Jack is astounded and says "they're children, wotcher want me ter do - cop ffem up the apples and pears ter wotch me servicin' their muvver?" Jack tells Max ter take a step back, right, he's not gahn anywhere, and will be wiv Tanya like it or not. Jack says she is mine now and frankly yer don't stand a chance of copping 'er back. Max frows a punch but Jack is obviously a better fighter and gets 'im in a bobbies arm lock on the chuffin' floor in seconds. Tanya walks in. Jack says it got out of 'and, and asks Max if 'e 'as calmed dahn and is gonna behave 'imself. Cor blimey guv! Max asks ter talk ter Tanya alone, and 'e tells 'er that 'e were a mess wivout 'er, and fought 'e were gahn mad, all 'e wanted were 'er. He says 'e didn't call or visit 'er because 'e promised. He did all that, because 'e luvd 'er. He says she 'as ter believe 'im. Cor blimey guv! She says yes, right, she believes 'e tried, that's good, and wen 'e left she wanted it back, but then she got a grip and she got better and Jack 'appened, and she fell in luv wiv 'im. She luvs Jack, right, and she's sorry. Jack walks in, and Max gets bitchy again and says Jack don't knows a few wee fings about 'is darlin' ole lady and wot she did before 'e left. Tanya says don't, but Max continues, and says Tanya and Sean tried ter kill 'im, right, bury 'im alive. Jack stares at Max wiv a straight Nanny Goat Race and says yes, he knows, she told 'im, right, last week, and 'e were flattered that she trusted 'im that much. He says "I know, and I approve; the only fin' she did wrong were dig yer up again." Jack stands wiv 'is arm 'round Tanya and says there is nuffink Max can do that will split them up - Max can eever accept it or slink oray. Max says Jack were the bloody favourite son, but 'e will pay for this, he's gonna lose. Jack tells 'im ter show 'imself out. Max turns on Tanya, right, addin' all that stuff about trust, right, understandin' is the pack of lies 'e always fought it were. Max says Jack is only wiv 'er because she is 'is - there are better 'ave a lookin', yunger bints 'round, and Jack wouldn't 'ave a look twice at 'er if she weren't 'is

Thursday 26 June 2008

2008-07-20T21:00:00.000+01:00

Bianca tries ter sell some ole kit ter Stacey's stall and after 'er cheeky shoutin' in the chuffin' restaurant, right, Stacey ain't at all interested. In the café, Bradley tells Dot 'ow much 'e likes bein' wiv Stacey. Denise is annoyed that Lucas is 'angin' 'round the chuffin' square and copping muckerly wiv Vinnie wen they play footie in the bloody square. Vinnie and Ricky mention the Vic rub-a-dub footie team. Max is stayin' at Jack's and Jack goes ter talk ter him about Tanya. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Max wines to Jack that 'e luvs Tanya and wants 'er back. Jack goes ter suggest ter Tanya that 'e tell Max about them, that might cop rid of 'im. Tanya says she couldn't sleep at all; she is so worried about it. Jack reassures 'er and they kiss, in 'is office. Max knocks and walks in. He asks Jack a favour, to rabbit and pork ter Tanya. Jack says no, right, it is between them. Max 'angs 'round the bloomin' cage and Jane asks 'im 'ow long 'e is 'round, right, and says Jane 'as been doin' right well wivout 'im 'round. Max asks Bradley for a drink and 'e replies that they were sposed ter go out for a drink before but Max just disappeared. Yolande invites Lucas's son in because 'e 'as lost 'is key and Lucas ain't home from work. Denise gets 'ome and is 'orrified that Yolande 'as let 'im in. After they 'ave 'ave a looked after 'im for 'ours, right, Lucas comes ter pick 'im up, right, and Denise says that 'e 'as done a great Uncle Bob wiv that child. Lucas says 'e would like ter make it up ter Chelsea too. Stacey thanks Bradley for last night and then goes ter see she muvver and check she 'as taken the tablets. Her muvver 'as taken the liffium and needs more Valium tablets on 'er prescription. Right. Jean is listenin' ter morbid Cliff Richard songs and Stacey offers ter make 'er food. She finds out that Ted 'as rung ter apologise profusely for missin' 'er calls wile 'e were oray, right, and say that 'e fought the date were tonight. He turns up on a motorbike wiv flowers and Stacey tries ter get rid of 'im, but Jean invites 'im in. Stacey keeps interruptin' as 'e asks Jean ter go out and start again, right, and Stacey keeps sayin' Jean ain't interested, right, and she ain't well enough. Jean says she would like to, but Stacey is right, she 'as an illness that won't ever go oray - a mental illness. He leaves and Stacey tells Jean ter dog and bone him and say she 'as changed 'er mind. Jean says no, she wants ter take the risk, and go out wiv 'im, even if she gets 'urt. Stacey insists on accompanyin' 'er. She sits and 'as drinks wiv Bradley and Dot. Ted and Jean 'ave a nice date, right, fro about an 'our, right, ffen 'e 'as ter go ter let 'is dog out. I'll get out me spoons. Dot says it's nice for Jean ter have some attention. Wen Ted 'as left, Jean and Dot gossip wile Stacey and Bradley cop drinks and they decide that Bradley and Stacey are made for each uvver, if only they would rabbit and pork. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Wen they all ball of chalk back ter Dot's she makes Bradley and Stacey go in first ter check the house is safe and Bradley leaves 'is keys in the door, right, outside, init?Jean giggles and tells Dot they could lock them in, right, for their own right good, right, just for 'alf an 'our, to force them ter talk. Jane tells Mr Masood that 'is son left 'is packed lunch (a bit of Indian food), and 'e laughs yes, I bet 'e bought a cheese and pickle roll instead. Jane says she 'as the packed lunch box 'ere somewhere. Later, Ian finds it and tastes the food and is impressed so goes round ter ask Mrs Masood ter cook Indian menus for 'im, and leaves 'is business card. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Mr Masood says actually 'e were the bloody cook, right, not 'is ole lady. Ian says that makes sense (he is far readier ter accept a male chef is good). Max goes ter ask Tanya of 'e can sleep there, right, on the sofa, see the chuffin' kids, cook meals for 'er, right, to make 'er life better. She says 'er life is not so bad. He says 'e 'as changed. Cor blimey guv! Tanya reminds 'im wot 'e said wen they first moved ter Walford, he 'as changed, right, no more affairs, etc, all exactly the same as 'e is sayin' now, right, ffen 'e slept wiv 'is son's fiancee. Max goes ter settle the baby, and Jack phones ter check she is Not so bad, right, and tells Tanyan 'e luvs 'er

Tuesday 24 June 2008

2008-07-20T20:58:00.000+01:00

Abi is, o'course, delighted ter see Max. Tanya leaves the bleedin' room quickly and Dot quickly arranges pass-ffe-parcel. Bernadette is tellin' some bloke that men should be neutered. Stacey asks Vinnie if 'e's seen 'er muvver, right, and 'e tells 'er that she went on a date ter Fargo's. Cor blimey guv! Stacey panics and says she 'as ter get there, but there are no cabs available. Denise is told that she 'as ter start right oray - and 'er first fare is Lucas. She refuses and Vinnie says in that case, he will give the Uncle Bob ter Masood. She takes Lucas, right, reluctantly and cheekyly. At Tanya's, Max gives Abi some jewellery, and she points out ter Bradley that 'is new company car is bein' started. He runs out and finds Stacey is drivin', as she can't cop to Fargo's any uvver way and 'e left the keys in it. He offers ter drive 'er, init? At Fargo's, Ricky 'as taken Bianca and she insists on takin' all 'er kids and Pat. The waiter tells Bianca that the voucher is for a free-course meal for two adults, and Pat quickly says she can pay the extra. Jean is still waitin' for Ted, and Bianca's 'orrible wee ginger girl goes and pesters Jean, 'oo is nervous and several times asks the waiter or any fairy ter put the mockers on the brat 'angin' 'round and starin' at 'er, and shrieks at 'er ter go oray. Bianca then suddenly takes notice of Jean's comments and goes over and shouts at Jean not ter shout at a kid. Stacey tells Bianca ter go frough 'er if she wants ter bully 'er muvver. Jean is frantic and upset. Bradley drives them 'ome, right, and Jean says she feels sick and needs ter open the window. Bradley says "not in me new car". He turns hammer and tack to 'ave a look at the bloomin' road, right, and spots a bobby putting the mockers on traffic, and almost runs 'im dahn. Bianca tells Stacey that Jean shouldn't be let out on 'er own, the tart is off 'er 'ed. Stacey calms Jean dahn and asks 'er why she didn't take 'er tablets. Jean says she didn't like feelin' numb, right? She gets frantic and knocks over a glass, right, and the chuffin' waiter tells 'er ter just leave it, and asks Bradley if 'e plans ter sit there all night. Then 'e asks if Jean is 'is muvver-in-lor, right, and Bradley says ruefully yes. The chuffin' waiter leaves the bloody bill and Stacey comforts 'er muvver 'oo is cryin' about Ted not turnin' up. In the square, right, Dot 'ave a looks at Debbie's rose and says that it will survive wiv a bit of waterin', right, and Claire is upset, and walks off sayin' she is gahn out, don't wait up. Bianca tries ter tell the waiter she won't pay for it, right, because there is an 'air in 'er food. He goes ter the kitchen and comes hammer and tack sayin' that the bloody hair is ginger and there are no gingers in 'is kitchen. He leaves the (huge) bill. Bianca guzzles wine and says she didn't want ter come ter this poxy restaurant in any case, right, and this is all Ricky's fault. No-one 'as any cash, and Pat realises that she didn't brin' 'er purse, because she were told it were a free meal. Biancan 'as ter grovel ter the bleedin' manager sayin' she can't pay. The waiter tells 'is assistant ter call the bobbies. Pat says quickly that they must be able ter settle this, and the waiter tells them ter take off their jewellery, right, ffen 'e takes a 'ave a look at Pat's earrings and tells 'er not ter bovver wiv them. He says she can 'ave 'er ringgs hammer and tack wen the bleedin' bill is paid in full. At Tanya's, Max is 'angin' 'round. In the bloody kitchen, right, Jack asks Tanya why now. He says 'e knows Max, and 'e wants sumfink, Max will try ter weasel 'is way hammer and tack in. Max walks in and cheekyly tells Jack ter make 'imself scarce. He says she don't seem pleased ter see 'im. Tanya says wot did 'e expect, turnin' up unexpectedly, then, guv? Max says she asked 'im ter come, wiv 'er text. She says she didn't do anyfink, and they realise that Abi did it. Max is disappointed and says 'e'll go and find an 'otel.

Monday 23 June 2008

2008-07-20T20:57:00.000+01:00

Dot chats ter Bradley, sayin' she always said "don't trust a lady doctor". It's Abi's birffday and Tanya gives 'er a present ter open now, right, and she gets the chuffin' rest afterwards, init?She 'as a knees-up later, right, and runs ter the door wen there is a knock, and is 'orribly disappointed wen it's Jack, not 'er favver. She runs off. Tanya apologises ter Jack ,sayin' thereâ€™s only one geezer she is interested in, right? Coincidentally, right, there's also a birffday in Pat's 'ouse, of Bianca's yungest, right? Morgan says 'e wants a knees-up, right, and Bianca asks Pat for an 'andout, sayin' she can't afford a knees-up, but 'e wants one. Tanya leaves for work and Dot says she will make food for Abi's knees-up, and Jack tells 'er ter ask Ian and tell 'im ter send 'im the bloody bill. Dot says Tanya is lucky ter have 'im, and Jack replies smooffly that 'e is the bloomin' lucky one. Dot takes the list ter Ian, and 'e asks Bianca ter do it, for an extra 25 pounds, right, and she is delighted, as she will be able ter afford a knees-up for Morgan, do wot guvnor! Ricky invites Bianca ter dinner, wiv the free meal 'e won at the bloomin' Vic raffle, but she can't go as she 'as the knees-up. Vinnie suggests 'e makes 'er jealous instead, so 'e goes ter ask Claire. She is 'avin' a bad day (as 'er muvver died on the bloomin' 22nd) and says she'd ravver stick pins in 'er mince pies. Ricky invites Vinnie since 'e 'as no-one else, and 'e jokes about bein' 'is date. Stacey wonders wot 'er nervous muvver is doin' - she is tidyin' the kitchen. Jean tries ter put the mockers on 'er answerin' the dog and bone and Stacey asks 'er if she's been takin' the pills. Wen she 'as gone, Jean phones up a bloke called Ted and leaves incoherent messages about a date at Fargo's tonight. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Mrs Masood is tidyin', and still moanin' ter her ole man about 'avin' ter put up wiv Keiff. He applies for the bloomin' Uncle Bob Pat puts up for anuvver cab driver, as does Denise, 'oo 'as 'ad Barney Rubble findin' a Uncle Bob since she got back. Pat says she can't choose, she'll be accused of favouritism, so Vinnie arranges a contest, right, a race wiv radio-controlled cars. Denise wins fairly. Dot and Bradley put up decorations in Tanya's 'ouse. Jack ain't impressed, and goes ter get some better ones from the chuffin' club, right, complete wiv a light show. Dot forces Claire ter come wiv 'er, right, even fough Claire 'as skived off work, sayin' she were sick and Tanya is annoyed wen she spots Claire. Dot opens the bloomin' door ter a snotty child called Bernadette, 'oo is a wee bitch and rabbit and porks condescendingly ter evry geezer, includin' adults. She asks 'ow long Abi will be keepin' them waitin' and then asks if Mr Brannin' will be joinin' them today. Dot says err no, and she tells Dot that 'er muvver says children from broken 'omes end up as prostitutes. Abi arrives, right, and Bernadette makes a bitchy comment about Abi's dress 'ave a lookin' like a doll's, do wot guvnor! Jack and Tanya rabbit and pork in the kitchen and she thanks 'im for evryfink 'e 'as done, right, and puttin' up wiv the girls and Oscar, and all the bleedin' hassle, and 'e says 'e likes it - it makes up for wot 'e is missin', and wot they 'ave 'ere is evryfink 'e wants. Right. They seem right 'appy togeffer, right? Jean is copping ready for 'er date, right, and Stacey sneaks hammer and tack from the stall ter check up on 'er. Jean makes up a random story about wot she is doin', right, sayin' that she is lonely 'ere at 'ome. Stacey says Not so bad, and she will 'elp Jean fix 'er Nanny Goat Race. Jean asks woss wrong wiv the bloody [exaggerated clown] make-up she 'as put on. Stacey says nuffink if she wants ter go out 'ave a lookin' like Roxy Mitchell! Struth! Later, right, Jean is all dressed up and Vinnie comes ter collect 'er in a cab, right, and makes an appreciative comment. Jean is nervous. Stacey comes 'ome after she 'as gone, right, and checks the chuffin' pack of Jean's pills, findin' that Jean 'as missed takin' some. Mrs Masood is frantic about 'avin' ter cook for ten (her family and the bloody Millers) and she is snappy and impatient wen Jase says 'e wants ter say sumfink and 'e proposes ter Dorn again. Jay runs off in an 'uff. Abi's knees-up is Not so bad, the lights are switched off, right, and the birffday cake comes out wiv candles, right, and she blows them out (and presumably makes a wish). Behind 'er, right, the bleedin' door opens and the bloody light is switched on - by Max. Jack and Tanya 'ave a looks worriedly at each uvver

Thursday 19 June 2008

2008-07-20T20:54:00.000+01:00

Bianca comes runnin' out of 'er 'ouse, right, as she 'as no idea where 'er kids are (as usual), right? Jase is frantic and shouts for Jay and is relived wen 'e comes runnin'. Up the apples and pears, in the bedroom, Dorn is dazed and don't answer 'er dog and bone wen Jase calls 'er. Mickey wakes up and Dorn tells 'im they 'ave ter get out, May 'as torched the house, but she can't ball of chalk on 'er ankle. Mickey tries ter open the window, and dahn the apples and pears, Keiff sighs that the windows are painted shut. Jase goes ter 'ave a look for a ladder, but 'is is chained ter the bloody van, right, and the bloody key is inside the burnin' 'ouse. Mickey smashes the bloody window but smoke is comin' into the bleedin' bedroom from the bloody apples and pears. Dorn is sittin' and wailin' pointlessly and unhelpfully over 'er baby, do wot guvnor! The bloomin' smoke gets worse, and Mickey is unconscious again. Jase persuades Dorn ter ffrow the baby out of the bloody window. He cotches it successfully [luckily for 'im, he'd 'ave never 'eard the end of it if 'e'd dropped it]. Ricky finds all Bianca's children messing in the cellar of the bloody Vic, where Witney (the teenager) is drinkin' some (nicked) alcopop. Mrs Masood is furious that Keiff's dog 'as left a large dog turd in the middle of 'er livin' room, right, as Keiff 'as left it locked in the house wile 'e were at the chuffin' pub. She says that she wants Keiff and 'is dog out of the bloomin' house, and she will 'ave ter get rid of the rug, right, and the sofa and curtains wen they leave the house. Her ole man makes a Nanny Goat Race as if 'e is used ter this. She goes ter put all Keiffâ€™s bags outside, right, and notices the fire, and panics (as she 'as a phobia about fire). She is irrational and frantic as she refuses ter let 'er family go ter wotch or 'elp. However, right, her kids sneak out. Mr Masood asks if she 'as ever told the kids the bloody 'oole story about 'er fire in Pakistan. Outside the bloody Millers' 'ouse, right, Vinnie gets the bleedin' flag ter use as a soft landin' and Dorn shoves an unconscious Mickey out of the chuffin' window and the assorted men 'oldin' the chuffin' flag cotch 'im wiv probably no furffer damage. However, wen they shout for Dorn ter jump, she is already unconscious. The bloomin' fire engine can't cop ffrough because of a traffic jam, and Vinnie prevents Jase from runnin' into the burnin' buildin' ter rescue Dorn. Meanwile, right, Keiff sneaks past and goes ter rescue 'er, and carries 'er out successfully, right? Evry geezer 'ave a looks as the ambulance arrives and the bloody men put oxygen masks on Dorn and Keiff. At the bleedin' club, they can't 'ear the commotion, and the knees-up continues. Abi singgs an ole song wich were 'er favver's favourite, and Jack says it's an orful chick song, wich makes Abi run oray and sulk yet again. Jack finds 'er and apologises and tells 'er about 'is daughter and 'ow 'e feels bein' separated from 'er. Later, Abi nicks Tanya's dog and bone to text 'er favver. Tanya asks Jack wot 'e told Abi ter cheer 'er up, and Jack tells Tanya that it's a secret and 'e wants ter hear 'ers first. They smile and seem 'appy togeffer, init? At 'ospital, the chuffin' Millers are all not so bad, right, chattin' oray wiv sooty faces and oxygen masks 'round their necks. Mickey is gahn for 'is Michael Caine scan and Darren says "they won't find anyfink 'ehe." Jase brings Summer hammer and tack and Dorn says "don't worry mummy's 'ere" [ironically, given the fact that she 'as failed ter protect the baby from anyfink at all in 'er first year]. Keiff says May is dead

Wednesday 18 June 2008

2008-07-20T20:52:00.000+01:00

From outside the bleedin' door, May begs Dorn ter let 'er make amends. She rambles on about Dorn needin' time for 'erself, and offers ter help 'er 'ave a look after Summer, right, and sayin' that Dorn is leavin' 'er wiv any bloke wile she and 'er fiance argue in the bloody middle of the square. Dorn says May is never copping 'er 'ands on Summer (then Dorn realises that she 'as no idea where Summer actually is. Mickey 'as taken the baby ter the Vic and left 'er on the bloomin' rub-a-dub seat wile 'e gets drinks and generally knees-ups. The bloomin' baby contest is bein' judged and Summer wins, right, and Dorn runs in, grabs the bloomin' baby and runs oray, init?She tells Jase ter call the bobbies. He asks why - woss 'e sposed ter tell them, eh, squire? He gives in, init? Dorn sulks and the bloomin' bobbies say May 'asn't done anyfink wrong so there is nuffink they can do, init?Dorn tells Jase ter get out, right, he 'as left 'er. He says nuffink 'as changed, right, but she says it 'as and she don't want ter see 'im again. He asks if she is sure and she says yes. Dorn locks all the doors and panics. Bianca is still puttin' letters in envelopes, right, and gets 'er kids and Pat ter help, by callin' them ungrateful. Pat says she's wotchin' a film and Bianca says 'er 'ands are free. Abi pretends ter be ill because she is sulkin' that 'er favver only sent 'er a present and probably ain't plannin' on visitin', and Tanya cotches 'er puttin' 'er thermometer on the light bulb ter heat it up. Abi wails that maybe she is just like 'er favver, and will Tanya frow 'er out too. She runs off and Tanya can't find 'er. She ringgs Jack and 'e finds Abi in 'idin' and asks 'er if she wants ter talk. She says no, and 'e picks 'er up in a fireman's lift. She screams and cries wen she gets hammer and tack and Tanya tells Jack that it were inappropriate, right, and wot does 'e fink 'e's doin', isit?[Obviously treatin' 'er like 'is own kid ain't gahn over too well.] Ian is now doin' the food at the bloomin' rub-a-dub for their Mae West of British evenin'. The chuffin' merry-go-round 'asn't turned up, but the chuffin' British beer and the pillory 'ave. Ian wonders why 'e can't cop hold of Jane, because May 'as locked 'er in the bloomin' back room of the bleedin' chippy. Ian gets worried. He tells Bianca ter take over the sandwiches, alffough she ain't sposed ter be workin' at the moment. She and Christian jokingly lock Ian in the stocks and pelt 'im. Lucy goes 'ome wiv 'er boychina and finds it empty so they plan ter have sex. Lucy suddenly gets cold feet and says she forgot ter get condoms. Ollie says 'e 'as some and produces some "extra strong" ones. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Lucy makes 'im 'ave a shower and tidy 'is teeff first, wile she gets the chuffin' lounge comfortable, right, sayin' 'e can use the bloomin' blue tooffbrush (she don't tell 'im it's Ian's). She is stallin' for ages until she 'ears the bloomin' door and then she grabs Ollie and pulls 'im on top of 'er just in time for Ian ter walk in on them. Fu 19 June 2008 Jase is out 'ave a lookin' for May, and 'ears Jane shoutin' from the bleedin' chip shop, and she tells them that May locked 'er in and she runs ter Dorn's 'ave a lookin' for May, init?May goes ter Dorn's and 'its Mickey on the head wiv an iron bar, knockin' 'im unconscious, right, and Dorn runs up the apples and pears wiv the baby. May follows and the baby 'as a nasty rash and May tells Dorn that it's 'er fault - she put fake tan and the baby 'as an allergic reaction, do wot guvnor! Dorn is relieved that it's not meningitis, and says she don't put fake tan on evry day. May says Dorn don't deserve 'er, right, and woss she gonna do for 'er second birffday, piercings, then, eh, mate? Dorn insists she is a good mum. May asks if Dorn will tell the bloody baby that she wanted ter abort 'er, right, or sell 'er off, right, and Dorn asks if May would tell the bloomin' baby that she paid for 'er. May says she'd tell the baby she would 'appily pay any price ter have 'er. May points out Dorn is keepin' the baby in this 'ovel wiv 'er latest loser boymucker, and she'll drop 'er knickers for any man wiv a flash car (Rob), right, and wot life does the bleedin' baby 'ave ter 'ave a look forward to, luv? May locks the bedroom door and takes the key. Dorn frantically says 'er fiancee will be 'ere soon, and May knows nuffink about 'im. May smugly reveals that Jase were 'er painter and 'e let 'er 'old Summer and even said she 'ad a right ter see 'er baby. Dorn realises that May is "Jenny" and starts ter cry and shout at May ter leave them alone, init?The baby starts wailin'. May and Dorn ramble on a bit and argue some more. Dorn refuses ter let May touch the bleedin' baby so May kicks 'er ankle and takes the bloody baby and says she can always 'ave anuvver baby, tarts like 'er always can, init?Dorn tries ter nick the bloody key back, but May is too quick and opens the door, and leaves, but Mickey 'as come round and manages ter grab the baby and they lock May out of the bleedin' bedroom. She finds an axe and tries ter smash the chuffin' door, ravver ineffectually. Pat loses 'er ringg and they fink it must be in an envelope so they ask Mr Masood ter open the post box (illegally), and they cop all the letters out and open them, and then reseal them. Then Bianca notices that 'er 5-year ole ffievin' wee brat is wearin' Pat's ringg. Bianca screeches at 'er kids, sayin' she is sick of the sight of them, right, just go. Right. They do, and later she 'as ter wander 'round the chuffin' square 'ave a lookin' for them. Wen she finds the bloody children eventually, she berates Ricky for 'ave a lookin' after them wen they were wanderin' 'round, right, and she takes them for ice cream. She frows the envelopes in the bloody bin. Jack visits Tanya wiv a peace offerin' and games for Abi, and says 'e will cop ffem a takeoray. Evry geezer is sulky and ignorin' 'im. I'll get out me spoons. Abi 'ides up the apples and pears. She wails that 'er favver don't care about 'er, and Tanya says that 'er favver made a promise that if they right needed 'im, in an emergency, right, she will text 'im come 'ome, right, and 'e would come, init?Abi asks if she will do it now, and Tanya says no, he needs time ter sort 'imself out, right? She goes on about 'ow 'er birffday is no fun wivout 'er favver, it's not like the fun knees-ups they 'ad wiv Dad, remember the karaoke. Jack is wanderin' 'round, and 'ears them chattin' on the chuffin' apples and pears. He takes them ter the club and turns on the bleedin' lights and offers them karaoke and DJin'. Lucy tells Ian she is leavin' 'ome and Ian says she's too yung ter have a sexual relationship, any adult would tell 'er that. She says no, Christian didn't. Ian goes straight ter the Vic and punches Christian. They 'ave an 'eated chat about 'ow ter trust Lucy. Jane and Ian go 'ome and Christian comes ter say sorry, and for wot it's worff 'e don't fink Lurch did anyfink wiv Muppet. Lucy takes a whistle and flutecase and rucksack and says she is leavin', right, anyfink is better than livin' 'ere. Ian begs Christian ter let 'er stay wiv 'im, as she listens ter him. As they leaves Ian asks 'im ter 'ave a look after 'er, addin' sadly that Christian will probably do a better Uncle Bob than 'e can. Christian. May goes into the bloomin' Millers' kitchen and cries over the birffday presents. Up the apples and pears, Mickey says 'e 'as 'is dog and bone and can call the bobbies, but then 'e falls over unconscious again. May turns on the chuffin' gas and singgs ter herself a bit then flicks 'er lighter on and the house explodes

Sunday 15 June 2008

2008-07-20T20:51:00.001+01:00

Mrs Masood is disgusted by Keiff's filffy socks and uvver kit on 'er floor. Mr Masood decides ter use Keiff's eclectic trivia knowledge and enter the bloomin' rub-a-dub quiz, do wot guvnor! He tells 'is ole lady that 'e 'as told Keiff that 'e 'as ter leave, but the only way 'e can cop him out of the house is ter take 'im ter the pub, init? Shirley is plannin' 'er "Mae West of British" rub-a-dub night at the Vic, and asks 'eaffer ter arrange the food. Heaffer gets a right good deal from a deli that's gahn out of business, do wot guvnor! Ian suggests ter Jane that they open the chippy, right, as there is that do on at the chuffin' Vic, and Jane 'ave a looks shifty, right, and Ian sighs, "don't tell me they are doin' food at the Vic." 'eaffer arrives, as Jane agreed ter judge the bleedin' baby contest. Ian 'as a go at 'er, right, and she says she got a cheap deal. He 'angs 'round and peeks at the chuffin' van wen it arrives and laughs and asks Shirley 'ow much she paid for it. Shirley says a bit less that they would 'ave for Ian's "over-priced slops." Ian smirks that it's fit for the Royal family. Heaffer asks wot 'e means, right, and 'e says it's all German food, do wot guvnor! Bianca's children are loud and irritatin' at Pat's and Bianca tells them not ter wake up nana Pat. Witney wants ter go ter the Vic, mentionin' the baby contest, so Bianca is persuaded ter spend the bloody entrance fee, right, £5 each. However, wen she goes ter enter, right, Shirley realises immediately that Bianca's yungest is over 18 monffs and Bianca is obnoxious and cheeky, init? Bianca goes 'ome and continues 'er Uncle Bob (puttin' letters in envelopes). It's Summer's birffday, right, and Jay nicks Jase's alarm clock and Jay says 'e wanted breakfast alone. Jase asks 'im wot 'e 'as bought for Summer's birffday and Jay sulks. Dorn forns over 'er baby, init?Jay moans ter Jase that 'e spends all 'is time wiv Dorn and all 'is brass on Summer - 'e 'asn't been able ter get trainers because Dorn spent the bloody brass on a dress for Summer and couldn't take it back. Jase agrees ter meet up wiv 'im later ter play footie in the park. Jase spots May in a car across the square, spyin' on 'is 'ouse. She says orkwardly she is 'ere ter give 'im a bonus, and writes 'im a cheque. Jane is surprised ter see 'er and asks wot she's doin' 'ere. May says it's Summer's birffday and Jane lies that they 'ave gone oray for the bloody day so she 'ad better leave it. Lucy brings Ollie ter Christian's flat, right, promisin' that 'e will be out all day, and Christian comes hammer and tack and cotches them almost kissin'. I'll get out me spoons. He asks for 'is keys back. As they are leavin' 'e advises Ollie "luvr boy" ter get some decent underwear. Christian is annoyed that Lucy lied ter him about Ollie and demands 'is keys back, do wot guvnor! Shirley goes ter ask Ian ter do the caterin', as she 'as no choice, right, and 'e reminds 'er that 'e only does "overpriced slops," and says 'e usually asks for 150 pounds up front, but 'e will make an exception, 250 for them. They 'ave no brass and 'eaffer comes hammer and tack later ter beg 'im, right, sayin' she 'as brought the chuffin' float, and they will also 'ave the entrance fees for the baby competition, init? Tanya's kids are ill and off school. Oscar can't do the bleedin' baby competition and wen Jack arrives ter collect Tanya, she says she can't go, init?It's Abi's birffday and Max 'as sent a card, and Jack is nervous about the implications, and if Max will want ter come back. He rummages 'round for the bleedin' envelope that came wiv the card, right, in Tanya's 'andbag, and she cotches 'im and shouts at 'im, right, sayin' woss it wiv men wantin' ter be in control, then, eh? She shows 'im the chuffin' scrap of paper, a shoppin' list, and says next time she writes one she'll give it ter him first ter dust for fingerprints. She says 'e can't just come in 'ere accusin' 'er of fings, do wot guvnor! Is this wot it will be like, then, eh, luv? Jack says if she 'as nuffink ter hide, right, woss the problem. She says wot if there are fings that she and Max did that are terrible; would 'e right want ter know, isit?He says quietly, yes, if she wants ter tell 'im. We don't spot weffer she does or not. Dorn puts fake tan on Summer for the bloody baby competition, and then Jack arrives and reminds 'er that she and Jase are late for work. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? She leaves Summer wiv Mickey, and wen she gets back, she gets 'ysterical about the streaky over-done fake tan, and panics that she 'as ter sort it out and needs Jase ter help 'er, but Jase 'as ter go ter meet Jay, as promised, and refuses ter stay, right, despite all 'er beggin' and cajolin'. Wen 'e gets back, he says they need ter talk. They argue loudly in the middle of the chuffin' square, wiv Dorn dismissin' 'is worry about Jay as trivial, just wot teenagers do. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Jase says if this is 'ow it will be they need ter wait ter get married, right? Dorn wails and cries and goes 'ome. There is a knock on Dorn's door and assumes it's 'im, and opens the door ter see May, and panics and slams the chuffin' door and says that she will call the bobbies

Wednesday 11 June 2008

2008-07-07T20:23:00.000+01:00

Part 1 Bianca is slow and cheeky ter customers in the café, right, where Chelsea is winin' ter Lucas about 'ow unreasonable 'er muvver is bein' about the bloody drugs. Ian don't go ter work, because 'e is wotchin' Lucy and Ollie wotchin' TV and snugglin' on the sofa, where she is pretendin' ter be ill. Wen she sends Ollie up the apples and pears ter get 'er duvet, Ian says if there is any suggestion of them 'avin' sex ... Lucy retorts that if 'e frows out Ollie, she will leave too. Dorn flirts wiv Jase 'oo teases Dorn about Jenny (May's false name) bein' mately ter him and then says 'e is only teasin', he is just gonna give 'er the bloomin' invoice. Wen Jase gets there, he finds 'er on the floor unconscious next ter an empty alcohol bottle. Jase wakes 'er up and May wines that she lost 'er baby and one drink is never enough ter help wiv the bloody pain. Jase says 'e knows wot she is gahn frough, and she don't believe 'im, but 'e says 'e couldn't spot his son for years, but it's Not so bad now, and maybe she should spot her baby, do wot guvnor! She says the bleedin' new muvver wouldn't like it. Brenda phones Charlie ter reconsider their relationship, and offers ter meet again, init?She says she 'as a secret too, and Charlie is too afraid ter meet 'er. She comes ter his 'ouse and asks why 'e stood 'er up. She shows 'im 'er secret, wich is that she is in the Salvation Army. She plays a loud brass instrument and Jean moans and tells 'er ter keep quiet. Charlie takes 'er ter the Vic and Shirley tells Brenda that Charlie is a regular Loffario. Then, Charlie makes an innocent offer ter let Brenda stay the chuffin' night, and she takes it as an innuendo and insult and flounces off. Bradley is upset by 'is boss flirtin' wiv 'im on an official memo. He asks Mickey's advice, and Mickey finks it is like the start of a romantic film. Bradley nervously avoids 'is boss. Maggie goes ter the café and asks for a latte and Bianca says "yer'll be lucky." Wen Maggie complains that she is in an 'urry, Bianca suddenly and inexplicably shrieks at evry bloke "get out, right, weâ€™re closed." Bianca goes ter the rub-a-dub and Mickey goes ter find Ian and ask for 'is brass back. Ian finds Bianca sittin' 'round in the Vic, and she says she wants more brass. Maggie finds Bradley and tells 'im that she wants 'im ter go ter dinner tonight, and Bradley tries ter decline, sayin' if it's just social... Vinnie announces the Vic five-a-side footie team: Jack, right, Christian, Billy, right, Masood and Claire. Ian is annoyed that 'e lost 'is place ter a girl. He 'ave a looks after the bloomin' café but rushes 'ome ter check up on Lucy and Ollie evry now and then - findin' them wotchin' a child's TV programme, right, Teletubbies, right? Chelsea is workin' in the Wee Mart until she 'as paid hammer and tack Patrick. Denise makes a nasty comment wen she goes in, and Chelsea cries and calls Lucas, right, and 'e comforts 'er. Dot spots Bradley rehearsin' wot 'e's gonna say ter Maggie in the bloody mirror, and quickly backs out before 'e spots 'er. Later, Dot persuades 'im that it ain't part of 'is Uncle Bob ter do business dinners, and Stacey will be at the singles night at the bloody Vic. Cor blimey guv! He agrees wiv 'er and texts Maggie, right, ffen goes ter the Vic. Dot goes ter the restaurant and quotes religion at Maggie, and says she spots that she is wearin' a weddin' ringg, and makes a Bible quotes about an adulteress, and says that a bint of 'er evident maturity should keep 'er filffy 'ands ter herself. Maggie goes ter find Bradley in the Vic and says 'e lied ter her in 'is text, and sent 'is granny ter insult 'er, so 'e is fired. He runs after 'er as she gets in the car and says yes, he 'as been avoidin' 'er, right, but it's because she is right attractive and err... She sighs and says cop in. At the bloody singles night, Heaffer 'ands out post-its wiv names on ter stick ter blokes's foreheads and they 'ave ter go round askin' questions about the bloody famous blokes ter guess 'oo they are, etc. Stacey and Bradley cop Margaret and Dennis Thatcher, but Stacey 'asn't 'eard of 'im, and says that Bradley's famous geezer might be a cricketer or sumfink. She tells 'im ter put the mockers on 'angin' 'round 'er, right, and cop over 'er, right, and 'e takes off 'is tag and 'ave a looks at it and appreciates the irony, right, sayin' the joke's on me. Ricky is "Becks" and Claire is "Posh," and wen 'e approaches 'er as 'er motch, right, she is disgusted and leaves. Minty is Prince Albert and 'is motch is a right attractive blonde. Ian frows Ollie out, and says Lucy can choose ter stay or go, her choice. She goes ter visit Christian and wines a bit, and then asks if she can meet Ollie 'ere. [Possibly the bloomin' vainest man on the planet, Christian 'as a gigantic wall-sized arty drorin' of 'imself on 'is lounge wall.] Part 2 It's Friday the bleedin' 13ff and 'eaffer is too scared ter walk under the ladder until Minty persuades 'er. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Then 'e spots 'is blonde singgles date and rushes off. Bradley is avoidin' Dot and tells Mickey 'e were sacked. Bradley tells Dot 'e were fired, and Dot apologises but says 'e were bein' preyed on by ruddy ladies of that sort. Dot asks cautiously "did she take advantage of yer?" Bradley says no o'course not, and later, right, Maggie phones Dot's 'ouse and tells Dot that Bradley left 'is jacket at 'er flat last night (!!! Right!! Blimey!). May packs 'er bags and leaves the bloomin' key on the table of 'er nicely decorated flat. She 'esitates, right, about ter post a birffday card for Summer, and drives off wiv it instead. Dorn and Jase argue over brass wen she spends Â£60 on a dress for Summer but complains wen Jay wants Â£80 trainers. She agrees ter take the bleedin' dress hammer and tack and leave Summer wiv Jase, 'oo says "she'll be safe wiv me." May arrives in the square and gets out of the car but start ter cry as she 'ave a looks 'round at evryfink. Lucas spots 'er and goes ter rescue 'er, right, but she says she is not so bad and then she goes ter Jase's and ringgs the bleedin' doorbell, and 'ands 'im a birffday gift for Summer. She asks ter come in and Jase says Summer is asleep, but then relents and says a minute won't 'urt. The baby ain't asleep (her mince pies are open). May is entranced by the baby. Jase pops out ter answer the bleedin' dog and bone, and May cries over the baby. Wen she turns ter leave, she spots a letter from the probation office on the bloomin' table and then Jase 'as run out of baby food, and May clearly changes 'er mind about 'er final goodbye, init?[She'll obviously be kidnappin' the bloomin' baby soon.] Dorn arrives hammer and tack and as Jase goes ter get the chuffin' door, May disappears frough the bloody back door, right? Jase and Dorn are surprised wen they go into the bloody kitchen expectin' 'er ter be there. [Quite amazingly, the baby is still there.] Lucy goes ter Christian's and wines that 'e said she could use this flat. Christian says no, right, he said it on a wim, right, he is useless and unreliable. Lucy says 'e is just like Ian and treatin' 'er like a kid. She sulks and is annoyed, right, and Christian says if she acted like an adult they might treat 'er like one. Cor blimey guv! He puts the mockers on 'imself and says I can't believe I just said that. He leaves for 'is date, and as 'e walks out, sulkily says 'e is NOT like Ian. He is hammer and tack early and Lucy says "yer've come hammer and tack to check up on me 'aven't yer?" 'e says they need ter talk, right, and she says 'e is just gonna tell 'er ter be responsible about sex, and not be forced into anyfink, ain't 'e, then, eh, squire? She says dismissively that she ain't gonna 'ave sex wiv *Ollie*, right, and Christian believes 'er. Wen 'e leaves, right, she phones Ollie and arranges ter meet 'im 'ere, sayin' she 'ad ter pretend she'd never 'ave sex but she'll 'ave Christian trustin' 'er soon and they can do wotever they want. Lucas tells Chelsean 'e is movin' into the chuffin' square, No 43, and Denise is furious. She goes ter the estate agent ad tells 'im some stories about Lucas - that 'e is gonna turn it into a crack 'ouse. The estate agent panics and later, Lucas confronts Denise about wot she said ter him. The estate agent passes Bradley in the market and gives 'im 'is card, for a social chat. Bradley tells Stacey the bloke is an tosser. Later, Stacey tells Bradley that 'e should call that agent china, right, 'oo's just lost 'is Uncle Bob [presumably resultin' from 'is messy transaction wiv Lucas/Denise.] Bradley don't follow, right, and she says 'e should find out where 'e worked because there is a Uncle Bob gahn, and she gives 'im the bloomin' bloke's number and says "and on the bloody back, right, that's the bloomin' bar 'e's meetin' me at later." Bradley 'ave a looks up, startled, right, and Stacey says shes jokin'

Tuesday 10 June 2008

2008-07-07T20:21:00.001+01:00

Chelsea rolls in right late and Denise is waitin' up ter check up on 'er. Chelsea says she 'asn't done anyfink - she 'asn't got enough brass even if she wanted ter and sarcastically invites Denise ter search 'er. Denise does, much ter Chelsea's disgust. She says she 'as 'ad the mockers put on drugs and Denise asks why she started. Chelsea says ter make 'er feel right good for a few 'ours, right, forget wot she 'ad done. Cor blimey guv! Chelsea adds that she is sorry Kevin died, but she is Denise's daughter, right, not Carly, and she were just out of prison wen Denise left 'er, so Denise can't just turn up and make evryfink awright. Chelsea says bitterly that boff Denise and Lucas can just write 'er off as a mistake, and they boff seem ter have got it right for their second child -Libby is Wee Miss perfect, and Lucas is doin' the chuffin' right fin' for 'is son. Chelsea wines ter Libby that she (Chelsea) is pretty [wot, eh, squire? how conceited is that, right, she's right nuffink special, right, particularly wen she is 'ung over and spaced out! Blimey!] but Libby 'as the Michael Caines and a future. I'll get out me spoons. Chelsea wines on wiv an incredibly unattractive self-pityingly rant and Denise apologises for not bein' there for 'er and says she will make it up ter her, init? Shirley is chattin' ter Vinnie about 'er managership of the rub-a-dub and ways ter make more profit. She wants ter sort out competitions and there is a footie league, right, wich Vinnie and Ricky are keen ter join. Vinnie canvasses players and Jack says 'e will play, midfield. Right. Bradley says no, and Claire says she luvs footie, and Jack suggests she could be the bloody physio - that would cop the bleedin' players in. Claire asks Vinnie ter write 'er name dahn and turns up at the practice in right short shorts and scores a goal. Vinnie makes them do sit-ups and push-ups, etc. She flirts wiv Jack. Charlie 'as arranged a date wiv Brenda and asks Jean wot she's been goin' on about. He forgets the bloody name of 'er children and invites Jean ter join them so she can 'elp 'im wiv this. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Brenda sends Charlie off ter get drinks and Brenda asks Jean if she is wiv Charlie, and if not, could she 'ave some time alone wiv Charlie. Jean apologises and leaves. Brenda invites Charlie ter a concert and mentions 'er ole man "Wilf." She discovers 'is lie wen she rabbit and porks about 'is "perfect summer," wich 'e 'as no idea about. He apologises profusely but she says 'e 'as deceived 'er and she rushes off. Lucy brings 'er boychina hammer and tack and says 'e 'as been frown out of 'is squat and Ian says why is 'e 'ere, then, eh, luv? She says she told 'im 'e could stay, and then says she could show 'im 'round some of the bloomin' squats she used ter use, and Ian says 'astily (after a near-heart attack), right, Not so bad, he can sleep in Peter's room. Ollie is also a vegetarian so Ian makes potato curry and asks 'im 'is plans. Lucy tries ter shock Ian wiv rabbit and pork of a tattoo and various piercings, right? She is shocked wen Ian and Jane play along and rabbit and pork about copping piercings of their own. Lucy calls 'is bluff and says it makes more sense for Ollie ter share 'er bed. Ian shouts no, she is only 14, not under 'is roof and no piercings. Lucy smirks and says 'e lasted longer than she fought 'e would - she 'ad fought the tongue stud would push 'im over the edge, and she ain't copping tattoos or piercings, but Ollie is 'er boymate and if she wants to, right, she will. She is better at messing games than 'e is - she must take after 'er muvver. Jase ends up not takin' 'is baby ter May's flat because she's teebugger and May is extremely disappointed, and 'as bought 'er a wee toy. Jase takes it wiv thanks, and then May says peraps 'e could brin' the baby tomorrow, but Jase says the bleedin' work is finished now. Chelsea is rummagin' 'round in Patrick's dominoes box and 'e says that's a great idea, and they can all play. He puts the box on the chuffin' table, and tips it out, to spot the bag of cocaine that she 'ad 'idden there. Denise is furious that she were deceived into feelin' sorry for Chelsea.

Tuesday 10 June 2008

2008-07-07T20:21:00.000+01:00

Monday 9 June 2008

2008-07-07T20:19:00.000+01:00

Denise tells Lucas ter leave and comforts Chelsea. She tells Patrick she would 'ave come hammer and tack earlier if she'd known there were a problem. Patrick says 'e didn't know it were so bad... and avoids the bleedin' full details. Denise goes ter the chuffin' shop and tells Yolande that she should 'ave sent Lucas oray soon as 'e came, right, and 'e is a livin', breabugger, right, monster and if she 'as been taken in by 'im, more fool 'er. Cor blimey guv! (Lucas walked in wile she were sayin' all this, but Yolande ravver disingenuously just 'ave a looked at 'im and kept right quiet, she is ravver vicious! Struth!) Denise tells Lucas that she remembers 'im touchin' 'er baby wiv 'is dirty smackhead 'ands. Lucas says 'e is tidy now. Denise says 'e must 'ave been disappointed ter find that they 'ad no brass wen 'e came back. She offers 'im brass ter leave for good. Lucas says Chelsea came ter 'ave a look for 'im. He tells Denise about the drugs. Denise goes 'ome and asks Chelsea for an explanation for last night. Chelsea says some bloke slipped 'er extra drinks and she can 'ardly remember a fin'. Denise says funny 'ow yer forget fings wen yor off yor Nanny Goat Race on cocaine, right, and shows Chelsea the sniffer roll that Yolande found. Chelsea grabs 'er bags and runs off sayin' ter Denise that she will go ter her favver and 'e will take 'er in. Denise tells 'er she ain't leavin' this 'ouse, and Chelsea shouts at 'er that she can spot why Lucas left 'er - why all men leave 'er. Cor blimey guv! Denise slaps Chelsea and Lucas comes in and tells Denise that they 'ave boff failed Chelsea, right, and need ter sort it out, so 'e leaves 'er 'is business card for wen she 'as 'ad a chance ter ffink. Lucy and Witney are 'angin' 'round in the café and Ian tells them ter go ter school. Bianca is sleepin' on the Uncle Bob, and Ian says there is a queue, right, and refuses ter let 'er 'ave an 'our off ter sleep. Witney agrees ter help Bianca wiv 'er Uncle Bob stuffin' envelopes, and Lucy is irritated wen Ian says she will 'ave ter brin' Bobby 'ome from school, do wot guvnor! Lucy is sposed ter meet 'er boymucker, so she brings 'im 'ome ter tea. Ian is 'orrified ter see a scummy, filffy, right, dopey bloke 'oo mumbles sumfink incoherent in greetin'. Jase and Dorn are romantic and 'e says 'e don't want ter go ter work, but the lass is payin' well so 'e 'as to. She asks 'im if 'e is local and says she 'as never 'eard of Walford. He tells 'er 'e 'as a fiancee, Dorn and it's all weddin' plans at the moment, and May says that she will be wantin' children and she induces Jase ter talk about children and Summer specifically. He says it's Summer's birffday soon, right, and May says "her first," wivout a question mark, right, but Jase don't pick up on this. May gets the conversation 'round ter how 'e must wish for time alone wiv 'is fiancee, and offers ter babysit any time. Shirley and Vinnie are arguin' about the bloomin' fact that there are mice in the chuffin' flat, she wants 'im ter get rid of them - kill them, right, trap them or poison them, she wants corpses ter prove 'e did them. In the Vic, right, Dorn asks ter see Peggy and Shirley says she ain't 'ere, and Dorn says she won't speak ter Shirley, she don't want ter talk ter the monkey, right, and Shirley says smugly that Peggy and Phil are boff out, and the relief manager is in charge. Dorn says 'oo, and o'course, it's Shirley, right, 'oo asks for an 'undred quid ter hold 'er knees-up there. Dorn phones Jase 'oo discusses it wiv May, right, sayin' that she can't afford the 1st birffday/engagement knees-up. May says slightly 'ysterically that yung muvvers want the chuffin' baby but can't 'andle the responsibility. Wen Dorn phones Jase ter ask 'im ter 'ave a look after the baby tomorrow wile she sorts out the knees-up, he ask May if 'e can brin' the baby 'ere since she said she wouldn't mind baby-sittin'. Shirley asks Denise about Carly, 'oo is stayin' on in Failand, and Deano, about 'oom Denise 'as no idea. Vinnie pays Mickey 100 quid ter get rid of the mice. Ricky asks them ter a poker game, as 'e is all alone in the rub-a-dub and 'as a bachelor pad. Mickey gives Dorn the brass ter have 'er knees-up. Jean makes soup and checks 'er emails then 'ave a looks worriedly at the bloomin' clock, so 'as possibly missed an appointment. She 'as ter go ter the bleedin' doctor and is given Liffium because she's too 'ysterical, and she rambles on ter Bradley about it. She admits that she 'as been sendin' emails ter a lass on Charlie's behalf, right, and the lass is comin' ter see 'im soon. Bradley tells Stacey and they all try ter persuade Charlie that it will be Not so bad. Jean says she sounds luvly, she 'as a bit of penpals, and Stacey says "so do prisoners on deaff row." The bloomin' bell ringgs, and Jean lets 'er in. She is Brenda, right, and Charlie shakes 'er 'and, 'ave a lookin' ravver embarrassed

Friday 6 June 2008

2008-07-07T20:17:00.000+01:00

Dorn nags Jase about copping in late last night and leavin' early this mornin'. She wants ter visit 'im at work, but 'e avoids 'er question and she is distracted wen Mr Masood arrives wiv the bleedin' post. She rummages 'round in 'is pocket ter get the address, and finds various papers. She gets Mickey ter take 'er there ter check up on 'im. She confronts 'im angrily about wot 'e's been spendin' 'is brass on, and she found the jewellers' receipt, and 'e angrily says that 'e bought this and were gonna give it ter her last night, right, but 'e were called oray, right, and 'e 'as been workin' day and night ter get brass for their 'appy future togeffer. He 'ands 'er a necklace. Dorn moans that she don't know wot 'e is finkin', and 'e never rabbit and porks ter her, right, and 'e says 'e ain't good wiv words, right, she is paranoid, and she says 'e don't cop it, right, "I luv yer." 'e replies laconically "likewise," and she leaves, annoyed. Jase asks Jay if 'e is 'appy livin' 'ere, and broaches the subject "about Dorn." Patrick calls Lucas about Chelsea, right, and Libby panics, right, sayin' the bloody should call the bobbies or 'ospitals. Lucas asks, right, acely, right, where she could go ter get brass, and weffer she 'ad any new muckers recently, or boymates. They ask Claire and she is sarcastic ter Lucas, sayin' that Chelsea's shakin' 'er tambourine at some church do. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. They boff go 'round askin' questions and Lucas 'ands out 'is cards ter evry geezer askin' them ter call this number. Wen they cop to the cafe Patrick tells Lucas that Denise is hammer and tack on Monday, right, and 'e might be a shock for 'er. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Chelsea is sittin' in Piers' car, right, wile 'e chats ter Bradley, teasin' 'im about 'avin' stayed out all night, right, and 'e says the boss might be interested ter hear it, and peraps Bradley can organise anuvver knees-up tonight - Euro commiseration. He asks Jack again and 'e says it's short notice, but 'e is ready ter book it, right, the bloody ffird bash in a week, and it's the company's brass so they could even make it a regular slot. Bradley tells Piers that they 'ave ter pay this time, and Piers tells 'im ter use the company credit card. Bradley says 'e can't, right, and Piers says evry bloke does it, just falsify the receipt. Bradley can't afford it uvverwise, so nervously does as Piers suggests. Keiff annoys Mrs Masood by takin' over 'er remote and programmin' guide and reminders, as well as programmin' the bleedin' recordin' for the next week. I'll get out me spoons. She tells 'er ole man that 'e 'as ter get out, right, he reeks of dog and 'as 'ijacked the chuffin' TV, she wants 'im out TODAY. Mr Masood tells Keiff this in the chuffin' cafe. Keiff is deliberately obtuse and avoids them wenever they try ter tell 'im they want 'im ter leave. Ricky takes Liam ter see a midget teacher 'oo tests Liam for dyslexia, and they say 'e probably is, right, but 'e will need a psychologist test as well. Jase invites Dorn out for a nice dinner later where 'e 'as ter tell 'er ter shut it for a minute so 'e can actually chip into the conversation wen she is wafflin' on about bein' 'is girlchina. He says 'e don't want a girlmate, right, but 'e does want a trouble and strife. Right. He gives 'er a ringg made out of one of 'is pipes, and says 'e could only afford the van and the necklace, but wen 'e can 'e will cop it gold-plated. Unexpectedly, right, Jase 'as ter go hammer and tack to the bloomin' flat 'e's workin' on, right, and we finally spot the chuffin' cow employin' 'im, 'oo is May, and she is actin' more deranged [ie than she were wen Dorn refused ter hand over Rob's baby after she'd paid Dorn ter have it]. At the club, right, Claire 'as asked Bradley ter take 'er, but she is less than impressed wen she spots Chelsea there and she tells 'er the god-squad were after 'er earlier. Chelsea says she don't Claire, right, care, right, and giggles at 'er mistake. Claire tells Bradley that a bit of these blokes are doin' drugs and 'e says Jack will be furious. Lucas returns ter the club and spots Chelsea staggerin' 'round and grabs 'er, and gets into a fight wiv Piers, right, 'oo says 'e paid good brass for 'er. Bradley grabs Piers and Maggie walks in as 'e is standin' over Piers on the bloody floor. He apologises for usin' the company card for the knees-up and offers ter clear 'is desk, right, again. She says she don't mind the bloomin' use of the credit card and she likes a man 'oo will stand up ter bullies. Lucas drags a stumblin' Chelsea out of the club, right, questionin' 'er about wot she took. As 'e and Patrick try ter get 'er into a cab, right, Denise arrives in anuvver one and 'ave a looks at them, horrified, init?

Thursday 5 June 2008

2008-07-07T20:15:00.000+01:00

Keiff wakes up on the park bench in the square and gets 'is tooffbrush out of 'is pocket and swishes it 'round in an ole pint glass wiv a few dregs of beer that some bloke left in the bloomin' square. He 'as a puddle of curry sauce on 'is shoulder and Mr Masood passes as 'e is deliverin' the bloody mail and asks 'im about it. Keiff says 'e is "urban campin'." Mr Masood goes 'ome and tells 'is ole lady, sayin' that Keiff's family took them in wen they were 'omeless, right, they should offer. Chelsean 'as werehed and is offhand as Libby enffuses about 'er muvver comin' 'ome soon. Patrick rabbit and porks ter her after Libby 'as gone, sayin' 'e got ter the bloody entrance ter the bobbies station... Chelsea panics and says she can't go hammer and tack inside. He says 'e didn't, and Patrick asks 'er why she did it, and says she ain't a child, right, will she sort 'erself out before 'er muvver gets 'ere next week. She says yes, hastily, and not right sincerely. He says Not so bad, take the chuffin' brass I gave yer ter Tanya, right, give it hammer and tack and apologise, becuase "sorry" can take yer a long way, she might even give yer yor Uncle Bob back. Chelsea thanks 'im sincerely for not tellin', and 'e says "don't let me dahn." She goes ter the salon and moans at Claire, 'oo says she can't blame it all on 'er. Patrick rabbit and porks ter Yolande, right, 'oo finds the chuffin' rolled up note that she were about ter snort the cocaine wiv. Patrick says Chelsean 'ad a scare yesterday. Dorn finds a receipt from a jeweller in Jase's pocket as she is doin' 'is werehin', right? She grins 'appily and tells Mickey she needs 'er 'air done. At the salon, Claire leaves ter go ter lunch as Dorn coems in, right, and says they are too busy, and Chelsea quickly offers ter do it for Dorn. Tanya cotches 'er and Chelsea tries ter apologise, and Lauren finds some male clobugger stuffed in a drorer and asks Tanya wot this is, and Tanya quickly says she were usin' Max's ole underwear as a duster, do wot guvnor! Then Lauren spots a large bunch of flowers that are delivered, but there is no note. Tanya takes the bloomin' underwear hammer and tack to Jack, right, and thanks 'im for the flowers, and 'e says 'e didn't send any. Wen she gets hammer and tack to the salon, Claire says Jane called and asked if she liked the flowers, they were ter thank 'er, init? Claire chats ter Bradley in the bleedin' Vic and 'ave a looks at the show 'ome brochure and says 'ow luvly the spa is. Piers tells Bradley 'e can't lock up the show flat, as 'e is busy, right, and frows the keys at Bradley, right, and Keiff overhears that there is an empty flat and tries ter ask Bradley about it. Bradley rushes off and 'e takes Claire there ter show 'er and 'as taken a bag of food for a picnic lunch, but Claire refuses, and as they leave, right, she says it's not 'im, it's 'er, she ain't ready for a relationship. Piers cotches Bradley and freatens ter tell Maggie about 'is attempts ter get a yunger lass. Bianca and Ricky arrange a dyslexia test for Liam, 'oo 'andcuffs 'imself ter a rail so 'e don't 'ave ter go. They argue as Ricky 'acksors frough Bianca's fluffy 'andcuffs - 'e blames Bianca for bringing this sort of adult toy into the bleedin' house, and adds pointedly that she is out until all 'ours "workin'." Liam says that 'e don't want them ter take 'im oray. Cor blimey guv! Ricky promises that they won't and says 'e will take the test wiv 'im, do wot guvnor! Dorn asks Keiff ter babysit tonight and 'e refuses because she didn't apologise. She says she's not gonna apologise. Later, Jase spots Keiff eatin' chips that some bloke 'as frown in the square werete bin and says that 'is argument is wiv Dorn, no 'ard feelings, right, and 'e gives 'im an 'andful of change. Keiff thanks 'im, and then 'e decides ter get a place ter stay, and goes ter the bleedin' Masood 'ouse. He manages ter chat 'is way in ter wotch TV, right, and then won't move, init? Patrick chats ter Chelsea again, right, and she says 'e is just a guilty screw-up Dad, he 'as 'is fun, drinkin' all day, right, and Patrick says 'e don't 'urt any fairy. Chelsea rants it's one rule for 'im and one for us girls, and she is livin' 'er life, and she 'ave a looks 'round disgustedly at Patrick's 'ouse and sneers that this is all she can 'ave a look forward ter - and adds "Do yer want ter know why I took the drugs, right, it made me feel right good, alive, that coke made me feel that there is a wee bit of life outside all of this crap." Libby 'as been wotchin' and listenin' ter all of this and gets somewot 'ysterical. Chelsea leaves the bleedin' room. Patrick calls Lucas. Jase says 'e 'as ter work late because the tart 'oo is employin' 'im in the bloomin' flat is a slave-driver. He 'as a surprise for Dorn and makes 'er cover 'er mince pies and shows 'er - 'e 'as bought a van, wich obviously disappoints 'er as she were expectin' the jewellery. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? She goes 'ome and sits dahn sulkily wen Mickey asks 'ow it went

Tuesday 3 June 2008

2008-07-07T20:14:00.000+01:00

Patrick is sympaffetic ter Chelsea. Yolande is fussin' and gabblin' on about callin' the bloody bobbies, right, and Patrick says the last fin' she needs is a fussin' bint gahn ON and ON and ON about it. He tells 'er that she don't 'ave ter talk about it, right, even wen she nearly tells them why she were mugged, right, sayin' it were 'er fault, and almost spillin' the bloody story. He sits dahn wiv 'er and goes on about carryin' on wiv 'er life, right, and then gets maudlin about Jim, and goes on about livin' life and keepin' good memories, and 'e 'ands Chelsea a wad of cash (a couple of 'undred pounds) and says ter buy a nice dress, a cheap flight abroad, or 'ave a good night out and drink. Mickey, Dorn and Darren all winge about the lottery ticket and they 'ave been 'ave a lookin' at it since about 04:30. Keiff appears in the kitchen and winges pretentiously "for the want of a nail" - 'e lost an entire kingdom due ter his sluvnly tendencies and lack of needlecraft skills, ffen 'e sighs "it's only brass". He promises ter make it up, and cop a Uncle Bob. I'll get out me spoons. Bradley goes ter ask Jack's advice about Maggie's lunch invitation, right, and Jack says ruddy ladies are complicated, right, and wotever 'e fought she meant about it, there is a good chance that she meant exactly the opposite. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Bianca takes Liam ter school, and Libby, 'oo 'as been teachin' 'im, says she finks 'e 'as dyslexia. Jack goes ter the salon ask for a massage, right, sayin' that 'e 'as a bad back, he were copping ready for a workout and 'is hammer and tack just went. He and Tanya smile as they 'ave this conversation, in front of Claire. Tanya says they are fully booked because Chelsean 'asn't turned up for work today. Claire quickly offers ter do the bloody massage, right, even fough she ain't trained, right? She says ter Jack ravver flirtatiously, "go on in and cop yor kit off." Tanya 'ave a looks worried and, wen they go in, annoyed. The chuffin' salon's background music is "Luv Will Tear Us Apart." Jack comes out of the massage grinnin', and goes ter the bleedin' desk ter pay, do wot guvnor! Tanya is stony-faced and says "cash or card." Jack jokes, right, is that a trick question, right, and wen she won't crack a smile, he says "come on, Tan." She glares at 'im and says she 'ad a gutful of that sort of comment from Max, and don't even fink about messing games. Bradley 'as 'is lunch meetin', right, and Maggie gives 'im a long lesson on sales techniques and/or 'is Uncle Bob appraisal, and then says 'e 'as a nice smile, right, and they will do this again soon, and gives 'im a kiss, right, on the lips this time, before she leaves. Keiff gets on the bleedin' bus ter the bleedin' Uncle Bob centre wiv Bianca, right, 'oo tells 'im all the details of all the Queen Bess and 'assle, and 'e gets off the bus and goes ter the rub-a-dub instead. Dorn finds 'im there and 'e makes up some unlikely and divvyic lies about wot 'e did there. Then Bianca comes in and says 'e should 'ave come ter the Uncle Bob centre - she got a Uncle Bob for 500 quid stuffin' envelopes, and there were various uvver Uncle Bobs. Dorn screeches at 'im, right, callin' 'im a lazy scrounger, 'oo 'as done naff soddin' all, right, and wot were that 'e said about scroungers, and 'e mutters about family, and Dorn replies firmly that 'e ain't her favver. The bloomin' rest of them go indoors and Keiff shouts misquotes at them, right, sayin' that brass is the bleedin' root of all evil. Tanya tells Claire the till is 200 quid short, "do I 'ave mug written on me forehead?" They boff go ter see Chelsea and Tanya says she is sacked for nickin' the bleedin' brass, right, 200 quid from the bloody till. Patrick shows Tanya out and Chelsea 'ave a looks at Claire and says she took anuvver 'undred quid, then? Claire grins and says wot did she expect. Patrick is furious that Chelsean 'ad 'im feelin' sorry for 'er, and she says that it weren't like that, Claire twists fings, and Tanya were tryin' ter do 'er out of 'er wages. Patrick says sarcastically poor wee Chelsea, she is always blamin' some bloke else, right, ravver than takin' a 'ave a look in the mirror - that she's so right fond of. Patrick says wiv finality, right, grow up or leave me 'ouse - yor choice. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? He goes ter find Yolande ter apologise and say that she were right all along and tell 'er all about Tanya's visit. Yolande says that Chelsea's muvver is comin' back, and Patrick 'ad better go and says sorry ter Chelsea as well. He offers Yolande dinner and a bit of makin' up for 'is cheeky words. Chelsea goes ter pack, and finds out that the tatty jacket she were wearin' wen she were mugged still 'as the bloody bag of drugs in the pocket. She gets it out and the bloomin' mirror is on the bloomin' table, right, wen Patrick comes hammer and tack and says thank god she 'asn't left yet, he is sorry and luvs 'er. Junkie Chelsea is twitchin' and gigglin' as 'e says this and then 'e spots the bloody cocaine ready ter be sniffed on the bleedin' table and is even more annoyed than 'e were before. Right. Jack goes ter make up wiv Tanya, bringing luvly flowers and beggin' nicely sayin' 'e is on 'is knees, right, (he is goin' on and feedin' flowers frough the letterbox) for 'er ter let 'im in. She smiles and kisses 'im, right, and they are up the apples and pears by the chuffin' time Lauren comes 'ome unexpectedly early. Tanya rushes dahn, slightly breaffless and as she 'ustles Lauren into the bloomin' lounge, she 'as 'er dress tucked into 'er knickers at the bleedin' back. Jack sneaks out. A mesterious 'and picks up Keiff's lost lottery ticket.

Monday 2 June 2008

2008-07-07T20:06:00.002+01:00

Chelsea is careless and messes up at work, and gives a tart pink 'ighlights by accident. She says she finks she 'as flu, right, and Tanya says that if she spends all weekend knees-upin', right, she 'as ter sort 'erself out for work. I'll get out me spoons. She messes up wen she is doin' a manicure for Maggie, right, Bradley's boss, stabbin' 'er nails and yornin' and sighin' all the time. Wen Chelsea starts knockin' over the bottles and moppin' up the bloody mess, Maggie says sharply, just put the mockers on, now, she 'as spent the last 'alf an 'our 'ave a lookin' in the bloomin' mirror and savagin' 'er nails. She didn't expect ter be served by an airhead, and leave 'ere 'ave a lookin' like she 'as a bizarre form of nail leprosy - she wants a refund. Chelsea says sarcastically yea, and I want a bum like J-Lo's, but it's an 'ard life ain't it. And that she ain't paid ter listen and pretend yor actually interestin': that will cost yer extra. Maggie is furious. Tanya tries ter apologise, and Maggie says Chelsea is useless, right, rude and unmotivated and needs ter be sacked, and she says that as a tart in business.... blah blah, right, diplomacy and tact equals repeat business, and then she starts ter impugn Tanya's management skills, and Tanya politely tries ter calm 'er dahn, right, but clearly gets right irritated. Wen Maggie 'as left, Tanya tells Chelsea off, sayin' that the chuffin' refund and free manicure are comin' out of 'er wages. An attractive male customer comes into the chuffin' salon and pays wiv a gold card, right, and Claire manages ter get 'erself an almost-date, meetin' 'im outside R&Rs for the (ravver more upmarket than last time) work knees-up that Bradley's boss 'as arranged for tonight. Tanya leaves the keys wiv Claire after tellin' Chelsea off. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Chelsea starts cryin' and wailin' desperately that Tanyan 'as taken 'er brass and Claire 'ave a looks at 'er pityingly and tells Chelsea that she is werehed out and spaced out on coke, right, and it's obvious wot she 'as been doin' - she 'as been out all weekend wiv Piers, right, (the concealer is wearin' off the marks on 'er neck), so eever she 'as appallin' taste in men or 'e 'as a bit of good gear. Chelsea sniffs and says she is takin' 'er brass, and overtime, and she grabs an 'andful of cash from the bleedin' till, wiv just a glance (presumably at the CCTV) over 'er shoulder, right, and rushes out, right? Claire smirks and closes the till, surreptitiously takin' an 'andful of notes 'erself. Chelsea goes ter Stacey wiv 'er brass ter ask where Sean is and Stacey can't 'elp. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Bianca screeches at 'er unruly kids 'oo are shoutin' and wailin' outside the bleedin' cafe where she's waitin' for 'er wages, and Bianca ignores them wile the bloody 5-year-old wanders off by 'erself, from the cafe. Bianca chats oray ter Liam, 'oo moans that 'e's stewpid and the 5-year-old 'as the same readin' age as 'im (and 'e's in the region of 9-12 years old). Bianca then realises that she 'as mislaid the five-year-old, and screams out 'er name. Meanwile, the bloody child is nickin' a garden pot from Mr Masood and 'as run off 'ome before 'e can cotch 'er. At Dorn's 'ouse, they 'ave won the bloomin' lottery, wiv 5 out of 6 numbers motchin'. Keiff says it's 'is deswee, right, and 'e 'as waited a lifetime, he were never whistle and fluteed ter the workin' class, on account of the chuffin' workin', right, he is ideal as the bloomin' idle rich. Keiff already 'as a list prepared for such an eventuality - top of the list is ter avoid scroungers, right, refuse them all. Keiff nods straight up as 'e says there are a bit of wereters out there, right, and they 'ave ter keep it right quiet. Mickey immediately goes ter the chuffin' Vic and shouts loudly, right, to evry geezer, that they are rich. I'll get out me spoons. Evry geezer congratulates 'im and the rest of the family arrive and Keiff starts pontificatin' and rambles on, right, lovin' the sound of 'is own voice, right, wile the rest of them ask 'im where, exactly, he put the ticket, and they need ter find out 'ow much they 'ave won. Keiff refuses ter say, right, but gets drinks, and plays dominoes wiv Patrick and loses some brass. I'll get out me spoons. Then 'e buys the bloody next round of drinks, right, sayin' stick it on the bleedin' slate. He gets drunk and wanders 'round the bleedin' square shoutin' about 'ow rich 'e is (and at risk of losin' the chuffin' ticket, I would imagine). Hammer and tack at Keiff's place, the family all ask Keiff where the bloomin' ticket is, and 'e extracts all the "valued" possessions from 'is pocket, right, includin' the lock of their muvver's 'air, the dog lead, etc, and gets ter the bottom - an 'ole. Evry geezer is upset wiv 'im, right, and the winnin' ticket blows about on the bloody pavement in the square. Right. Chelsea is in the bloomin' Vic wiv Piers wiv 'er nicked cash, and she asks 'im if 'e 'as any charlie, right, because she 'as the brass now. He smiles and asks if she's copping 'ooked, and adds that they don't need ter talk about brass, they are "muckers" and 'e 'ad sumfink else in mind, and 'e puts 'is 'and on 'er leg movin' it right up ter the hem of 'er (right short) skirt. She says no, right, and 'e says 'e will put 'er name on the guest list for tonight in any case, if she changes 'er mind. Bradley gets a parcel delivered wen 'e is in the bloody baffroom, and 'e goes ter get it in just a wee towel, and locks 'imself out. He scrambles 'round, as 'e 'as been told not ter be late for the bleedin' meetin' wiv 'is boss at the club. I'll get out me spoons. He is frantic, and wen Claire arrives ter rescue 'im, he rashly promises 'er anyfink. She asks for an invite tonight, plus dinner, right, and 'er towel back. Bradley 'ave a looks nervous, as 'e asks "now?" but she says no, right, and lets 'im go ter get ready. He arrives and is 'ugely apologetic and Maggie 'ave a looks irritated. Bradley begs ter keep 'is Uncle Bob, right, sayin' 'e will do any overtime she wants, right, work all weekend, and Maggie says, tomorrow, lunchtime, yer can take me out. Jack and Tanya start snoggin' and 'e bends 'er over the table, right, and 'is hammer and tack goes and 'e can't move. They giggle a bit. Chelsea goes ter buy drugs and is mugged by a group of girls.

May 2008

2008-06-20T15:56:00.001+01:00

Fursday 1 May 2008 Gus feels trapped in Walford, despite 'avin' slammed the bloody door on evil Sean, right, but wen 'is girlchina turns up it 'ave a looks like 'e's found a brilliant escape solution, in the bloody latest visit ter Albert Square. Ben, right, meanwile, has a secret new 'obby supported by Peggy, but it's not one 'e wants 'is dad ter find out about. Friday 2 May 2008 It's Jane's birffday, but Christian 'as gone and Lucy is still missin' so she don't feel like celebratin', right, in the last of this week's visits ter Albert Square. Meanwile, Steven 'as been 'idin' a right big secret from 'is family. Monday 5 May 2008 Steven goes ter great lengffs ter keep Lucy oray from Ian, right, in the first of this week's visits ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, Ben 'opes that Phil don't find out about 'is dancin' exam. Meanwile, Bianca is strugglin' ter find anuvver Uncle Bob in Walford. Tuesday 6 May 2008 Pat's leg is broken and it 'ave a looks like more than just a simple break, right, in the latest slice of drama from Albert Square. Roxy, however, swears it were an accident. At the bleedin' hospital, right, sumfink sinister 'ave a looks set ter occur in Pat's A&E cubicle. Fursday 8 May 2008 Clare 'as tricked Bradley into a right dodgy visit, in tonight's visit ter Walford. Will it all end in tears? Meanwile, at The Vic, Roxy is actin' oddly, and she and Peggy try ter reassure Ben that real men do dance. Friday 9 May 2008 Can the Millers stand up ter Sean Slater, in anuvver action-packed episode from Albert Square? Meanwile, where will Roxy's unwanted 'ospital examination lead, isit? Monday 12 May 2008 Roxy 'as a date wiv the chuffin' dishy doctor but 'er day is full of surprises, some more welcome than uvvers, in the first of this week's visits ter Albert Square. Meanwile, Dorn's attempts ter play motchmaker for Mickey don't go quite ter plan. Tuesday 13 May 2008 Heaffer tries ter become a domestic goddess, right, but Shirley ruins 'er plans, in this latest slice of drama from Albert Square. Meanwile, right, Wellard goes missin'. However, wen 'e's found, right, he's not made welcome. Fursday 15 May 2008 Christian causes chaos wen 'e takes over Roxy's shift at The Vic, right, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, Heaffer's attempts ter become a domestic goddess fall somewot short wen she and Shirley are nicked after a boozy night out. Friday 16 May 2008 Shirley and 'eaffer are behind boozers and boff come ter some life-changin' decisions, right, in anuvver action-packed episode from Albert Square. Meanwile, right, Dot and Tanya discover they 'ave sumfink in common. Monday 19 May 2008 Roxy continues ter struggle wiv 'er news, in the week's first visit ter Walford. Meanwile, Sean becomes suspicious of Jack's relationship wiv Tanya; and Minty and 'eaffer grow closer – is 'e fallin' for 'er? Tuesday 20 May 2008 Tanya and Jack flirt over lunch at 'is 'ouse and a jealous Sean becomes enraged, right, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, right, Chelsea's birffday brings an unpleasant surprise. Heaffer, meanwile, is disappointed wen she cotches Minty kissin' anuvver bint and wonders woss gahn on. Fursday 22 May 2008 Lucas attempts ter reconcile wiv an 'urt and angry Chelsea, right, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, right, Minty is distressed by the bleedin' pain 'e's caused 'eaffer, wilst Garry is more preoccupied by 'is missed chance wiv the air 'ostess. Friday 23 May 2008 Darren and Libby's relationship shows potential as the pair kiss and make up, in the chuffin' final visit of the week ter Albert Square. Chelsea, meanwile, right, is persuaded by Patrick ter meet 'er dad and Zainab cooks a special meal for 'er family. Monday 26 May 2008 Darren plans a romantic evenin', right, in tonight's first visit of the bleedin' week ter Albert Square, do wot guvnor! Chelsea, meanwile, seems ter be sinkin' furffer into the chuffin' gutter, but 'oo will 'elp 'er now? Elsewhere, Sean goes ter great lengffs ter make Roxy spot how much 'e 'as changed, but it remains ter be seen if she will agree ter his proposals. Tuesday 27 May 2008 Ronnie and Roxy are makin' plans in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Meanwile, Chelsea is furious wiv Patrick for 'is interference. Elsewhere, Jack and Tanya grow closer, but Dot warns Jack that Tanya is vulnerable at the bloomin' moment. Fursday 29 May 2008 Bianca's Barney Rubbles continue at Pat's 'ouse, in the latest action from Albert Square. Meanwile, at the club, right, Ronnie confides in Jack that she and Roxy are leavin' tonight. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Friday 30 May 2008 Sean cotches Roxy tryin' ter leave the Square, as the drama continues. Meanwile, Chelsea is caught red-handed wiv drugs in 'er bag.

April 2008

2008-06-20T15:54:00.001+01:00

Tuesday 1 April 2008 Pat is makin' preparations for Frank's funeral but she and Peggy begin ter disagree – before they know it they are arguin' at full tilt and exchangin' not just cruel words, right, but slaps, too. The chuffin' funeral, right, however, turns into a proper East End send-off. Fursday 3 April 2008 Bianca is strugglin' ter cope, wich leads ter a dire situation for 'er and the children, right, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? A visit ter social services proves fruitless so Bianca is forced ter take matters into 'er own 'ands. Pat, right, suspicious of Janine's motivation for returnin' ter Walford, right, lays a trap for 'er. But is Janine quite as 'ard-hearted as she fought? Elsewhere, right, Chelsea goes ter find 'er dad. Friday 4 April 2008 Bianca and 'er kids are 'uddled togeffer in a bus shelter in the bloody week's final visit ter Albert Square. She's still strugglin' ter find a room and calls Ricky, right, but then does a runner – afraid 'e'll find out the bleedin' truff. Frank's last wishes are read out at the Vic as 'e requested, right, wile Pat's about ter head off for a new life in Spain. Monday 7 April 2008 Bianca is back, right, but Pat is shocked by 'er actions, right, in the first of this week's visits ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, Phil insists that Shirley gets 'er test results and Gus meets the girl of 'is dreams. Tuesday 8 April 2008 Biancan 'as a showdahn wiv Ricky about wot 'as 'appened wiv the bleedin' kids in tonight's visit ter Albert Square – but she may 'ave found the answer ter her problems. Meanwile, Shirley walks oray from the hospital wivout copping 'er results. Vinnie returns and declares 'is feelings for 'er – but is 'e the one she wants? Fursday 10 April 2008 Bianca tells the chuffin' social worker that she does 'ave somewhere ter live, in this evenin''s visit ter Walford. I'll get out me spoons. But will Ricky go along wiv 'er plan? Elsewhere, right, Shirley pushes Phil for an answer, but wot will 'e say, then, eh, mate? Gus, right, meanwile, right, is deliriously 'appy wiv 'is new girlmate. Friday 11 April 2008 Social Services come ter inspect Pat's 'ouse, right, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Will Bianca cop her kids back? Elsewhere, Sean continues ter wind up Gus and manipulates 'is girlmucker in order ter get at 'im even more. Monday 14 April 2008 Bianca oraits the return of 'er kids – but will it go as smooffly as she wants – in the first of this week's visits ter Albert Square? Meanwile, Steven is frustrated. He wants ter take fings ter the next level wiv Stacey, but 'is experience, or lack of it, is straight up 'amperin' 'is progress. Tuesday 15 April 2008 Bianca is desperate ter make amends wiv 'er children so organises a knees-up at Dot's, hopin' they will want ter come, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, right, Stacey and Steven make up after the confusion. Meanwile, Peggy 'olds a ballot at The Vic ter enter two candidates for Barmaid of the bleedin' Year. Fursday 17 April 2008 Steven and Stacey are now public knowledge – but will tonight be the night that Steven gets wot 'e wants – in the latest visit ter Walford? Meanwile, Bianca appears ter be stayin' 'round for the long run as she enrols the kids at a local school. Elsewhere, Dorn is showin' off 'er dress for the bleedin' barmaid competition, but it is ruined wen muddy Wellard springs into view. Friday 18 April 2008 Steven is reluctant ter reveal the truff about 'is night wiv Stacey, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Meanwile, Roxy and Dorn cop increasingly competitive – but will eever win the competition? Elsewhere, Steven is 'umiliated in R&R after the bleedin' truff is revealed. Monday 21 April 2008 It's the day of Minty and 'eaffer's stag and 'en nights, and Shirley wants ter give 'eaffer an amazin' time, in the bloody first of this week's visits ter Walford. Elsewhere, right, Christian tries ter get Steven ter open up about wot 'appened the bleedin' uvver night; and Jack and Tanya become closer. Tuesday 22 April 2008 It's Minty and 'eaffer's weddin' day, but 'oo will Minty choose wen 'azel gets dahn on one knee in the bloody latest action from Albert Square? At the weddin', right, Jack accompanies Tanya ravver than Ronnie, right, 'oo 'ave a looks disappointed. Meanwile, right, Roxy and Sean embark on a dangerous liaison. Fursday 24 April 2008 Minty still 'asn't made 'is big decision – but time is runnin' out as the altar looms in the latest visit ter Albert Square. Will 'e end up choosin' 'eaffer or 'azel? Elsewhere, Roxy's messing-up brings Ronnie and Jack closer – but will Sean put a spanner in the works? Meanwile, Shirley and Stacey are boff 'avin' relationship Barney Rubble. Friday 25 April 2008 Ronnie is right concerned about Roxy, in the bleedin' last of this week's visits ter Albert Square. Meanwile, right, Sean tries ter teach Gus a lesson for copping involved in 'is business. Elsewhere, right, Stacey and Steven go ter visit Ian and Jane followin' their night togeffer. Monday 28 April 2008 Jack and Roxy can barely 'ave a look at each uvver, in the bleedin' week's first visit ter Albert Square. They are boff ashamed and can't Nanny Goat Race Ronnie findin' out the bloody truff. Elsewhere, right, Sean is on a mission and 'as Gus in 'is sights. Meanwile, wen Stacey uses Gus's keys ter open up 'is flat, she makes a truly shockin' discoright... Tuesday 29 April 2008 Stacey despairs, appalled ter see Gus 'eld 'ostage – Sean is evidently gahn crazy – in anuvver dramatic visit ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, Roxy is consumed wiv guilt and afraid that Ronnie will spot ffrough 'er lies. Meanwile, Ian gets a call ter go and spot a girl in a run-dahn block of flats – could it be Lucy, eh, mate?

March 2008

2008-06-20T15:52:00.001+01:00

Monday 3 March 2008 In tonight's visit ter Albert Square, right, Steven 'as put Stacey forward for a fashion-design course – but will she go for it? Tanya, meanwile, plans 'er revenge on Max. Tuesday 4 March 2008 Stacey gets creative and uses Steven as 'er model, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Meanwile, right, Tanya lays dahn 'er terms ter Max, but will 'e agree? Fursday 6 March 2008 Stacey 'as 'er interview at the chuffin' Fashion College, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Meanwile, Bradley is off ter see a man about a Uncle Bob, and Max is chuffed that Tanya is lettin' 'im hammer and tack into their lives. Friday 7 March 2008 Shirley, in self-destruct mode, right, makes a fool of 'erself on Garry's birffday. Meanwile, Jane enjoys makin' Ian work 'ard after 'is confession about Clare. Monday 10 March 2008 Phil is shocked wen 'e finds Shirley and takes 'er ter hospital where she finds the bleedin' courage ter talk ter the Doctor. Sean’s paranoia about Tanya and Max grows and schemin' Clare returns. Tuesday 11 March 2008 Ian is pushed ter the chuffin' limit wiv Lucy’s behaviour; 'eaffer and Shirley make up but she still 'asn’t told any fairy woss on 'er mind and Max finally seems ter be copping wot 'e wants. Fursday 13 March 2008 Minty and 'eaffer do their Mae West in the Lurve competition but it soon turns ter panic wen Marni finks they 'ave been cheatin'. Ian is at 'is wits end wiv Lucy wen she rips up the invitations ter the palace. Sunday 16 March 2008 Minty is upset wen 'e receives a postcard from 'azel. Max is prepared ter sign the shares over ter Tanya but wot does she right want? And Lucy 'olds an 'ouse knees-up ter get revenge on Ian but is shocked by 'is reaction... Monday 17 March 2008 Tanya believes 'er plan for Max is gahn well - but is all as it seems? Lucy's missin' after 'er out of control knees-up in the house. Queenie is outstayin' 'er welcome at Garry and Minty's. As the chuffin' Masoods orait a their guest, right, Shabnam is disinterested, rememberin' Jalil 'the geek' from 'er childhood. And Shirley’s behaviour is finally explained. Tuesday 18 March 2008 Lucy is still officially missin' Ian and Jane are distraught but Ian neglects ter tell the Bobbies the 'oole truff. Sean is fed up of messing fings Tanya’s way, especially wen Stacey puts doubts in 'is mind. Phil takes Shirley under 'is win'. And Zainab sets up a motchmakin' dinner for Shabnam and Jalil... Fursday 20 March 2008 Tanya tells Max tomorrow they can 'ave a special night togeffer – 'e just needs ter get a babysitter for the bloody kids. Ian and Jane are devastated Lucy is still missin' and Ian breaks dahn wen 'e meets an 'omeless girl. Zainab gets a glimpse of Jalil’s girlmucker and realises she’s not gonna be an 'indrance ter her motchmakin'. And 'eaffer faces up ter her muvver Queenie. Friday 21 March 2008 It’s the bleedin' day Tanyan 'as been waitin' for. But first she’s got ter meet the bloody solicitor wiv Max and play the bleedin' role of contented trouble and strife. Later, the scene is set and Tanya's fully prepared... will 'er plan work? Ian and Jane are at loggerheads – the bloomin' trust dissolvin' between them. But wen the bobbies call they cop a shock - they’ve found the chuffin' body of a girl... Monday 24 March 2008 Sean is eager ter start 'is new life wiv Tanya, in tonight's first visit of the week ter Albert Square. However, she is sickened by the ffought of wot she 'as done. Tuesday 25 March 2008 Tanya struggles ter come ter terms wiv wot she 'as done, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Sean is also copin' badly. Tanya's children, meanwile, are constantly askin' questions about their dad, wich adds ter Tanya's distress. Fursday 27 March 2008 It's Roxy's birffday, and she's not 'appy about turnin' 30, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. However, right, Ronnie 'as big plans ter mark 'er sister's birffday. Elsewhere, right, Chelsea arrives at Booty ready for work, right, but the window 'as been smashed. Friday 28 March 2008 It's Lauren's birffday but, right, wiv Max gone and Lucy missin', right, Tanya is strugglin' ter give 'er a special day. Elsewhere, Jack continues ter charm Ronnie out of their new "strictly ace" relationship, but Ronnie is desperately tryin' ter resist 'im. Monday 31 March 2008 Peggy is determined ter get ter the bottom of Pat's move ter Spain and is convinced there is a man involved, in tonight's first visit of the bleedin' week ter Albert Square. Chelsea, meanwile, is 'ell-bent on findin' 'er favver but 'er sister, right, Libby, is reticent.

Feb 2008

2008-06-20T15:50:00.001+01:00

Friday 1 February 2008 Minty is excited about the pregnancy, but 'azel 'as sumfink on 'er mind, right, in the last of this week's visits ter Albert Square. It's over between Jack and Ronnie, meanwile, right, but they are missin' each uvver. Monday 4 February 2008 Minty and Garry 'ave an 'eart ter heart about favverhood, right, wile 'azel is strugglin' ter come ter terms wiv 'er 'eartbreakin' news. Elsewhere, right, Clare makes 'er mark in the Square wile Uncle Bob 'untin'. And Ian and Christian experience bein' business partners Tuesday 5 February 2008 Stacey's 'avin' problems wiv 'er stall and Jean asks Mo ter help Stacey out... Chelsea and Clare cop the shock of their lives wen they turn up at Booty. And Minty takes drastic action as 'e continues ter blame Garry for comin' between 'im and 'azel. Fursday 7 February 2008 Deano returns from prison, right, promptin' Shirley ter ffrow 'eaffer out of the bloomin' flat. Mo smells a rat wiv Stacey’s new stock but can’t figure out wot the cotch is. And Christian and Ian are 'opin' ter get a lucrative caterin' contract but Ian will 'ave ter venture out of 'is comfort zone ter win it... Friday 8 February 2008 Lucy and Christian wind Ian up about 'is latest business venture. Stacey and Mo figure out woss wrong wiv 'er stock. And Jack agrees ter 'ave a look after Clare at the club for the chuffin' night. Monday 11 February 2008 Stacey is in 'ospital after collapsin' in the club, in tonight's visit ter Walford. Sean is a man on a vengeful mission and wants Max ter pay for wot 'e 'as done ter Stacey. Tuesday 12 February 2008 Stacey 'as gone missin', in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. I'll get out me spoons. Meanwile, right, Tanya realises Sean is disturbed and asks 'im ter leave. Fursday 14 February 2008 It's Valentine's Day, but does it mean Stacey and Bradley can be reunited, mate? It's also the bloomin' day of the first divorce 'earin' – will it go well for Tanya? Friday 15 February 2008 Stacey and Bradley are at a Doctor 'oo convention – but will they repair their broken relationship, isit?Meanwile, Mo is on a mission – ter find a new luv for Charlie, init?Her first put the mockers on is ter place a Lonely 'eart's advert in the chuffin' Walford Gazette. Monday 18 February 2008 Jack announces new openin' 'ours for the bloody club, in tonight's first visit of the week ter Albert Square. Wile most of the bleedin' Mitchells are furious wiv 'im, Phil remains uncharacteristically composed. Clare, right, meanwile, right, turns 'er attentions ter Ian after bein' shunned by Max, and Sean dumps Tanya – 'oo turns ter drink. She forgets ter pick Abi up from school but Max comes ter the bleedin' rescue. Elsewhere, right, Bradley returns ter the bleedin' Square and tells Stacey she should cop a solicitor – soon. Tuesday 19 February 2008 Jack is on the warpaff in tonight's visit ter Walford. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Determined ter discover 'oo trashed 'is flat, right, he's pointin' the finger of blame in more than one direction. Elsewhere, Mickey offers the bloody Masood family a place ter stay. Clare, meanwile, right, gets 'er clors into Ian, and Ian decides that Christian 'as outstayed 'is welcome. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Fursday 21 February 2008 It's Tanya's birffday and she decides ter celebrate, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. I'll get out me spoons. However, right, Max uses the opportunity ter spike Tanya's drink. Elsewhere, Clare, right, 'oo is dressed ter kill, has a mesmerised Ian round for dinner. Jack, meanwile, right, finally figures out 'oo wrecked 'is flat – and 'e's determined ter teach them a lesson, right? Friday 22 February 2008 Ian evicts Jase in favour of Christian, right, in the final visit of the bleedin' week ter Albert Square. Dorn, however, right, is more than willin' ter come ter his rescue. Tanya, right, meanwile, realises she may 'ave ruined 'er chances wiv the kids, and 'er attempts at a reconciliation wiv Max backfire, init? Monday 25 February 2008 Ian decides ter get into shape and asks Christian ter help 'im. But is it Jane 'e's tryin' ter impress? Steven, right, meanwile, finds a runoray sleepin' underneaff Stacey's market stall and takes 'er under 'is win'. Elsewhere, after placin' an ad in the chuffin' lonely 'earts' column, Charlie goes on a blind date. Wen 'e arrives at Fargos, right, however, he's surprised ter find Peggy waitin'. Tuesday 26 February 2008 Tanya confesses ter Abi that she misses Max. Abi, however, takes it as an invitation ter get 'er mum and dad hammer and tack togeffer, right? Sean, meanwile, pressures Tanya into makin' a decision about their future. Thanks ter Mo's pools, Charlie is under pressure from the 'oole Square ter lose weight and Yolande kindly offers ter take 'im ter play badminton. Elsewhere, a foolish Ian finds 'imself in a sticky situation after 'e invites boff Jane and Clare for a night oray in an 'otel. Fursday 28 February 2008 Poor Charlie is shamed as a groper but dain't confess 'is true motives as the 'oole Square 'as brass on 'is next weigh-in. Meanwile, believin' Jane is out of tahn, Ian invites Clare over for an evenin' of seduction. Jane, right, however, is just across the bleedin' Square... Over at the bloomin' Brannings, Tanya and Max perform a karaoke duet for the bleedin' kids and agree ter attend parents' evenin' togeffer. Maybe there's still 'ope for them, right, after all... Right. Friday 29 February 2008 Max lays 'is 'eart on the line and tells Tanyan 'e wants 'er back. Elsewhere, Dorn implores a frightened Jay ter go ter court and give evidence. Stephen wants ter help Stacey realise 'er childhood dream as a fashion designer, but Stacey questions 'is motives. Meanwile, Ian's sycophancy continues. However, right, a manipulative Clare sets about sabotagin' 'is plans.

Jan 2008

2008-06-20T15:47:00.001+01:00

Wednesday 2 January 2008 The bloomin' bobbies are on the bloomin' trail of the chuffin' cut-and-shut cars, but will Pat be able ter stick 'em off the chuffin' scent? Jack, meanwile, plans a romantic evenin' for Ronnie, right, in tonight's visit ter Walford, alffough 'e is surprised wen Roxy turns up in 'er place. Fursday 3 January 2008 Ronnie enjoys lunch wiv Jack but admonishes 'im for 'is constant game messing, right, as the Drama continues. She tells 'im 'ow it is and says she knows 'e is just messing Phil, too. Friday 4 January 2008 Phil finally gets a glimpse of some bloke special from 'is past, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Steven, right, meanwile, moves in wiv the chuffin' Beales but Jane lets 'im know exactly wot she finks of 'im. Monday 7 January 2008 Tanya's day goes from bad ter worse and she ends up makin' a show of 'erself in the bleedin' Queen Vic, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Vinnie, right, meanwile, reveals a wee bit about 'is past. I'll get out me spoons. Tuesday 8 January 2008 Tanya ain't 'appy about 'er sister's arrival but soon realises she could provide some much-needed support, right, as the trials and tribulations of life in Albert Square continue. Chelsea, meanwile, struggles ter find a Uncle Bob and Jane 'as a plan ter keep Steven out of 'er way. Fursday 10 January 2008 Honey and Billy 'ave outstayed their welcome but 'oney don't want ter offend Peggy by movin' out, as life in Albert Square continues. Elsewhere, Peggy and Phil are furious ter hear about Ronnie's latest romance. Friday 11 January 2008 Ronnie, right, Roxy, Phil and Billy discuss the bedroom problem at the Vic, right, in the last visit of the week ter Walford. It's not ideal for 'oney and Billy ter be sleepin' in the sittin' room, and evry geezer finks it would be a good idea if the bleedin' couple moved in wiv Pat at 'er suggestion. Monday 14 January 2008 The club 'osts a corporate knees-up strictly for aces, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Dorn, Jase and Garry are workin' at the event, right, but Shabnam manages ter get an invitation. Dorn later 'as a decision ter make wen boff Garry and Jase make a move on 'er. Tuesday 15 January 2008 Billy and 'oney make a mess wile stayin' at Pat's, right, and Billy's attempts ter mend the situation just make matters worse, right, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Meanwile, Dorn is in a quandary, init?'oo should she choose – Garry or Jase, isit? Fursday 17 January 2008 Dorn and Jase spend their first full night togeffer, right, but Dorn takes fings a bit too quickly, right, in tonight's visit ter Walford. Meanwile, it's Masood's silver weddin' anniversary but Masood 'asn't planned anyfink. He 'astily books a table at a restaurant and buys a last-minute gift, right, but 'is 'aste is sure ter backfire. Friday 18 January 2008 Jay 'as a new set of undesirable chinas, in the last of this week's visits ter Albert Square. Meanwile, right, Dot lives in fear wen the gang starts ter swarm outside 'er 'ouse. Monday 21 January 2008 Under pressure from the chuffin' E20 crowd, right, Jay nicks Dot's keys and causes mayhem in 'er 'ouse, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, Christian tries ter inject some excitement into Jane's life, right, and Ronnie finds out a wee more about Jack. Tuesday 22 January 2008 Dot is sufferin' wivout Jim, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square, right, wile Ian takes Christian's advice and tries ter impress Jane. Elsewhere, Dorn wants ter launch 'er daughter's modellin' career. Fursday 24 January 2008 Jack 'as spent the night reminiscin' about 'appier times, in tonight's visit ter Walford. Ronnie arrives at the chuffin' club ter find it locked. She tries ter contact Jack, but 'e ignores 'er. In desperation, she borrows wire cutters from the bloomin' local workmen and breaks in, right, only ter find that Jack 'as disappeared frough the fire exit. Friday 25 January 2008 Christian and Ian work on their partnership, in the bloody last of this week's visits ter Albert Square. Meanwile, right, Roxy tries ter make it up ter Ronnie, but is shocked by wot she spots. Monday 28 January 2008 Roxy is determined ter reveal Jack's true colours, in tonight's visit ter Walford. Zainab, meanwile, is Barney Rubbled – the bleedin' family are straight up in debt but she attempts ter keep the news ter herself. Tuesday 29 January 2008 Ronnie and Jack's relationship 'its the skids, just as they are goin' on of movin' in togeffer, right, in tonight's visit ter Walford. Meanwile, Minty is excited about becomin' a dad, but 'azel 'ave a looks uneasy after a doctor's appointment. Fursday 31 January 2008 Dot puts out the milk bottles. The Square is dark, it's night time and in the chuffin' distance there's London evenin' noise – laughter, cars, a scream. Dot 'ave a looks 'round before gahn hammer and tack inside. She locks 'er door; she is alone wiv 'er tape recorder.

Dec 2007

2008-06-20T15:45:00.001+01:00

Monday 3 December 2007 Lucy tries ter persuade Ian ter let 'er 'ave a knees-up for 'er birffday, right, but goes ahead wiv the chuffin' invites before Ian 'as a chance ter agree. Ronnie worries about the contract she 'as 'ad drorn up wiv Jack, in this week's first visit ter Albert Square. Steven, meanwile, right, starts ter get competitive wiv Ian and they argue. Tuesday 4 December 2007 Phil contemplates returnin' ter his alcoholic lifestyle as 'e realises the bloomin' extent of Peggy's dahnfall, right? Elsewhere, right, a secret is revealed at the club and 'ave a looks set ter split up Ronnie and Roxy. Fursday 6 December 2007 It's Peter and Lucy's birffday, but Steven is still causin' Barney Rubble, right, in this week's penultimate visit ter Albert Square. He's full of angst and upset, and is actin' like a time bomb waitin' ter go off. Meanwile, there is tension between Ronnie and Roxy. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Could the bloody sisters be fallin' out, then, eh, mate? Friday 7 December 2007 Stacey continues ter try ter reason wiv Steven, 'oo seems intent on sendin' 'imself up in flames. Elsewhere, Ronnie and Roxy are still at loggerheads and Ronnie moves out of The Vic wen she and Phil disagree. Monday 10 December 2007 It is the run-up ter Christmas and Billy is still desperate ter keep a roof over 'is family's 'ead, in tonight's visit ter Walford, right? He is tryin' ter make brass but is runnin' out of options. Meanwile, Steven takes Bradley and Stacey on a night out ter celebrate 'is birffday. Tuesday 11 December 2007 Jack is causin' friction in the Square, in tonight's visit ter Walford. Peggy is fed up wiv 'im on their potch, nickin' their business, and it 'ave a looks as fough Jack likes copping under Phil's nose. Fursday 13 December 2007 Phil wants nuffink ter do wiv Jack and is determined ter get 'im out of the Square, enlistin' Max's 'elp, as life in Walford continues. Friday 14 December 2007 Billy's search for an 'ome is fruitless and 'e's at the bloomin' end of 'is teffer – nuffink is gahn right for 'im - in this week's final visit ter Walford. Honey, meanwile, right, is still in the dark about their situation. Monday 17 December 2007 Billy 'ides the charity brass in tonight's first visit of the chuffin' week ter Albert Square. Honey is none the wiser, but Peggy is on ter him. Steven, meanwile, is tryin' ter make it up ter Ian and Jane. Elsewhere, Sean is hammer and tack and 'ave a lookin' freatenin'. Stacey's worried 'e's gonna ruin fings for them. Tuesday 18 December 2007 Abi 'as a new role in the school nativity play, but is beginnin' ter behave like a diva, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, Sean returns and Carly finds 'im asleep in a car at the Lot. Later, on a girls' night out, right, Dorn bets Carly she will cop back togeffer wiv Sean. Fursday 20 December 2007 Jane is furious wen she realises that Ian 'as told Steven wot she 'as been frough, in tonight's visit ter Walford. Meanwile, right, Honey and Billy's problems go from bad ter worse wen they are frown out of their flat. Friday 21 December 2007 Ian finally cotches up wiv Steven and tells 'im some 'ome truffs, right, in tonight's final visit of the week ter Albert Square. Meanwile, right, Peggy sends Phil out ter fetch Billy and the family, and Ronnie invites Jack ter dinner wiv the bloody family in the chuffin' hope of sortin' fings out wiv Phil. Monday 24 December 2007 Ian builds some bridges wiv Steven, right, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square, do wot guvnor! But is it at the expense of 'is relationship wiv Jane? Elsewhere, the carols are a great success – thanks ter some last-minute input from Shirley. Tuesday 25 December 2007 It's Christmas mornin', and the Albert Square residents wake up wiv a warm glow followin' a successful evenin' of carol singgin' the night before. Max and Tanya, right, meanwile, prepare for their big Christmas lunch but, durin' the bloomin' day ahead, there are some shockin' revelations in the Brannin' 'ousehold. Tuesday 25 December 2007 A revelation blows the Brannin' family apart. Wednesday 26 December 2007 Stacey pours 'er 'eart out followin' the chuffin' previous day's events, but is any fairy prepared ter listen ter her? Fursday 27 December 2007 Darren expresses 'is concerns ter Kevin and is right worried about the bloody cars on the chuffin' Lot. Meanwile, Roxy wants a night out and pressures Jase into takin' 'er out for dinner, as the trials and tribulations of life in Albert Square continue. Friday 28 December 2007 Yolande is frilled Patrick 'as bought 'er some drivin' lessons for Christmas, as life in Albert Square continues. All she needs now is a car. Elsewhere, right, Jack decides ter try and make it up ter Ronnie and asks 'er on anuvver date. Cor blimey guv! She tells 'im it 'ad better be good as she 'as already 'ad anuvver offer. Jack's intrigued, but Ronnie stays tight-lipped about 'oo 'er date is. Monday 31 December 2007 Kevin needs ter quickly come up wiv a plan, right, in today's visit ter The Square. Ronnie, meanwile, right, has developed a crush on Jack.

Friday 30 November 2007

2008-06-05T20:47:00.002+01:00

All the locals are in the bleedin' club ter celebrate its reopenin', right? Even Steven Beale is there, ffough technically 'e is underage but Roxy agrees ter turn a blind eye. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Ronnie is shocked that Jack 'as turned out and wonders wot 'e wants. The club knees-up is continuin', and as tends ter happen, the bloomin' most unlikely locals go ter the club openin' event, includin' Ian, 'oo gets incredibly annoyin' wen 'e is drunk as usual, right, and 'as ter be controlled by Jane 'oo apologises ter evry geezer on 'is behalf (and conveniently 'er wound seems ter be perfectly not so bad now). She is 'appy ter let Ian reveal Steven's age fough. Heaffer also makes an poof of 'erself tryin' ter DJ, right, and boff are ejected from the bleedin' club, right, wiv Jase makin' 'imself useful and quietly and efficiently removin' Steven for Roxy. Shirley gets drunk and abusive ter Vinnie, and Carly chips in and warns Vinnie off as well, right, but 'e ain't put off by any of the chuffin' horrendous family. Billy manages ter get sacked as an elf because of 'is appallin' time-keepin'. He drowns 'is sorrows in the bleedin' Vic, right, where 'eaffer comes ter commiserate wiv 'im after bein' kicked out of the club. At Dot's, right, Bradley tries ter help 'er mend the mug, and she snaps and tells them she wants all these blokes (meanin' Jean right) out of 'er 'ouse. Bradley is shocked and worried about 'er. Stacey puts on 'er sulky miserable Nanny Goat Race. Darren confronts Kevin about the bloomin' dodgy motors wen Phil tells them they'll 'ave a new deliright soon, and Kevin just wants Carly kept out of it, but 'e wants ter keep earnin' the brass ter help Deano. Denise makes an offer on the bloomin' house (Ian's ole one) wich Ian 'as accepted. Kevin is surprised but says nuffink about 'ow they are gonna pay for it. Jack keeps on wotchin' Ronnie and she is nervous and jumpy, right, and Jack makes the most of all opportunities ter worry 'er as 'e rabbit and porks ter Peggy about 'ow well she's doin' wiv the club, etc. Phil is suspicious, naturally, since 'e is an ex-bobby, so 'e 'ates 'im by default. As the bleedin' evenin' drors ter a close, Jack tells Ronnie that 'e 'as bought a flat nearby ter keep an eye on the club, so she will be seein' a bit more of 'im. He also wants ter make a few changes now that 'e is 'ere.

Thursday 29 November 2007

2008-06-05T20:47:00.001+01:00

Ronnie and Roxy are makin' last-minute changes ahead of the bleedin' openin' night of their club. A sad, lonely Dot returns ter the Square wivout Jim. Dot finds Jean at 'er 'ouse wen she gets hammer and tack from Jim's, and she's a bit 'ysterical, right, as she 'ad wanted ter be alone or at least quiet wiv 'er worry and grief over Jim's condition, and Jean is manic and neurotic. Dot is also pretty neurotic and chain smokin' at 'ome, and I can't recall wen exactly she took up smokin' again. Jean smashes some crockery (Jim's mug) and Dot takes it badly. Shirley is still insistin' that she ain't interested in Vinnie, right, but 'eaffer keeps on tryin' because she finks 'e is "luvly" (alffough not as luvly as 'er crush, Garry, o'course! Oi!) and 'elps 'im out all the bleedin' time. This time she lets 'im cook for Shirley, right, 'oo is astonished. She asks 'im why 'e keeps on tryin' and 'e says [he's an out of work failed comedian so needs the brass, oh I mean ...] that 'e likes a challenge. Billy and 'oney are still muddlin' along 'opelessly and bein' borin', init? It's the bloomin' big club openin' night and Ronnie is sortin' evryfink out. She falls over and 'urts 'erself so 'as ter go ter hospital, and the bloody plans are rushed and some of it 'as ter be done by Roxy instead. It transpires that between Roxy and Dorn they failed ter obtain the bloomin' correct deliright of drink (Dorn signed for the chuffin' wrong botch or wotever) and they're gonna be short of alcohol, right, so Peggy kindly allows them ter borrow some from the bleedin' Vic, right? Peggy don't seem ter mind the competition, as R&R's opens at 10pm, right, and she proposes a toast ter anuvver "Mitchell" enterprise and Ronnie fails ter mention that it's less than 'alf 'ers. She goes ter the office, right, and ter her surprise, finds Jack there. He is smug as she 'esitates ter explain wot 'e is doin' 'angin' 'round in the club's private office

Tuesday 27 November 2007

2008-06-05T20:44:00.000+01:00

Kevin realises 'e 'as ter get the chuffin' car from the bobbies and dispose of it. Ronnie is keen ter manage the club wivout any 'elp from Phil, but Phil 'as uvver ideas. Billy is still strugglin' ter make ends meet. Ronnie and Roxy are plannin' the bloody club openin' and Ronnie asks Phil why 'e persuaded Roxy ter employ Jase. Roxy turns the music on in the club, and she turns it up right loud, ffen it trips the bloomin' electricity supply and they are plunged into darkness. Phil 'appens ter be there and says 'e knows an electrician. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Honey makes Billy breakfast, but 'e rushes off before 'e can finish it, as 'e is late for the stall. She wines that ten minutes late won't matter. Ian is furious that Billy is late, and also bunked off yesterday, and calls 'im the biggest moron 'e 'as ever met, and the cherry on top is that 'e left Steven in charge of 'is stall. He says 'e could train a monkey ter do that Uncle Bob. Billy sighs "can I go now?" Denise and Kevin discuss Deano and Chelsea. Kevin is also tryin' ter get 'old of Phil ter talk about the bloody dodgy cars. Kevin is annoyed wiv Darren, right, 'oo 'as been avoidin' 'im. He says evasively that 'e fought Kevin already knew, nuffink gets past 'im. Kevin don't believe 'im and Darren tries the "scared of Phil" defence, right? Kevin accepts that one. Wen 'e meets Phil, he says that "PC Morris" bought the Jag, and drove it off yesterday, and Phil just says Kevin must 'ave guessed, right, and 'e should be more careful. Kevin accuses Phil of bullyin' Darren into keepin' quiet and Phil says Darren took 200 quid for that. Right. Kevin sacks Darren, 'oo begs for one more chance. Wen Kevin takes a can of petrol and the address of the bobby, right, Darren quickly jumps into the bleedin' car ter help 'im torch the car. At 'ome, Denise is 'avin' a day off work sick, and Pat says that's a pity, right, she wanted 'er ter post a package for Deano. Denise ravver unreasonably moans that Pat 'asn't sent one for Chelsea, right, and Pat says 'e is 'er family. Dorn is 'andin' out flyers for the club wiv Roxy and they spot Jase runnin', right, and Roxy flirts wiv 'im and pretends ter attack 'im and 'e grabs 'er, right, and Dorn walks off in an 'uff. Vinnie chats Shirley up and she declines lunch, and says she is workin'. He is disappointed and goes ter the bettin' shop and invites Pat for a drink at lunchtime. She comes in and boasts about 'er lunch wiv a dashin' gentleman, 'oo drives a fantastic car, and is well out of Shirley's league. Wen 'e arrives, Pat and Shirley are 'avin' a slangin' motch, right, and 'e tells Pat ter forget it. She says 'e just used 'er ter make Shirley jealous. He says she were 'appy ter do it too. Right. Honey 'ave a looks for a flat again, and writes a budget. She also admits that she followed Billy yesterday because she fought 'e were 'avin' an affair, and found out about 'is cute elf outfit. Honey says she is so proud of 'im takin' all these Uncle Bobs ter keep the family togeffer. Cor blimey guv! Ian 'as a go at Billy, sayin' this is the worst monff they 'ave ever 'ad on the stall, and 'e may 'ave ter let Billy go. Kevin and Darren 'ave ter wait for the cop ter get hammer and tack home so they can nick the bloody car. They play games ter pass the bloody time, film quotes, and Kevin is amazed at Darren's film knowledge. A car pulls up and Kevin shouts "duck", [wich I totally misheard first time]. They rush out and break into the car and Kevin 'otwires it, right, leavin' their uvver car right there. Darren and Kevin cop back from torchin' the car and chat in the chuffin' tube station, right, wen Kevin asks where Darren learned ter torch a car and 'e says a mate at school, right? Kevin goes 'ome and Denise complains about the smell of petrol on 'is kit. Ronnie 'as ter use Phil's electrician, right, 'oo charges 'er 400 quid, for a bit of ringg main work, right, and some uvver waffle. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. She tells 'im she will pay 150, the Inland Revenue 'as an 'otline for cash-in-hand workers like 'im. He moans that 'e 'as been mugged, and she says she's a Mitchell. I'll get out me spoons. He goes straight ter Phil and laughs and 'ands 'im the chuffin' brass 'e got, right, and Phil grins and gives 'im a few quid for replacin' two fuses, and also the two fuses 'e took out ter cause the bleedin' problem in the bloody first place. Phil visits Kevin, 'oo says 'e sorted it and Phil asks about fingerprints, and Kevin says 'e'd ravver not sell Phil's cars in future. Phil says Not so bad, drop off the keys ter the bleedin' car lot - if Kevin won't sell 'is cars, right, he will find some bloke 'oo will.

Monday 26 November 2007

2008-06-05T20:42:00.000+01:00

Kevin, Shirley and Carly visit Deano in 'ospital but are shocked ter see 'is injuries. Honey is determined ter find out wot Billy's second Uncle Bob is, and Kevin is later in shock wen 'e realises wot 'e 'as been sellin'. Kevin visits Deano in prison where 'e's miserable and 'avin' an 'ard time [wich is the point, obviously, it's not sposed ter be an 'oliday camp]. Ian shows Bradley the CCTV footage of Steven smashin' up the bleedin' market stall and Stacey says 'e could cop into Barney Rubble for it, right, so Steven grabs the tape Ian is 'oldin' ter destroy the bloody evidence [I would assume Ian 'as a copy, right, and Steven's violent and manic behaviour is quite scary]. Lauren gets 'er video camera hammer and tack and tells Max it ain't workin' any more [presumably after Jean dropped it]. He manages ter fix it and checks it is workin' by wotchin' a bit of 'oneymoon footage, but it's not clear if the weddin' part is workin'. He tells Lauren ter transfer the bloody video ter DVD soon as possible. I'll get out me spoons. Honey follows Billy ter his suspicious new Uncle Bob, right, as she were worried wen she seen him copping in the car wiv an attractive bint. She suspects 'im of 'avin' an affair [as if that lass would fancy Billy!] and finds out 'e is workin' in a Christmas tree market dressed as an elf, right, wich 'ave a looks immensely 'umiliatin' for Billy. Ronnie and Roxy set up the club and interview staff, right, refusin' Shirley a Uncle Bob but employin' yung attractive staff, includin' Dorn. Roxy insists they employ Jase as a bouncer, alffough Ronnie refuses, right, and she obviously finks it's just because Roxy fancies 'im [also, right, this is ridiculous, he could not possibly cop a security/doorman licence wiv 'is particular criminal record, right, so 'e ain't workin' there legally]. Roxy says Phil recommended 'im. Shirley is fed up at not copping the Uncle Bob and wen Vinnie calls ter invite 'er ter lunch, right, he cotches 'er at a bad time and she agrees. Kevin is distracted at the car lot but Darren is a bit nervous about Phil's dodgy cars arrivin', but keeps quiet about it ter Kevin. A customer arrives and is interested in a fairly expensive Jaguar, and wen 'e discovers the man is a bobby, right, Darren tries ter put 'im off buyin' the car. Kevin bliffely sells it ter him, ffough, wich prompts Darren ter tell 'im the 'oole story about Phil's cars bein' nicked and 'avin' dodgy documentation

Friday 23 November 2007

2008-06-05T20:40:00.000+01:00

The Wicks family 'ears that Deano 'as been attacked. Ian teases Billy about a mark 'e 'as on 'is neck and asks 'im weffer it's a luv bite. Billy is embarrassed. Right. Denise complains that Pat 'as given Steven 'er bacon for breakfast. Carly gets a letter from Deano and is cheerful. Bradley goes ter work and Jean says she almost didn't recognise 'im wiv 'is kit on, init?He is 'orribly embarrassed and she laughs. Jean and Stacey 'ave breakfast and Jean is right irritatin'. Bradley calls Stacey ter get 'er ter the stall, and then tells Billy that 'is stall is in the wrong location. Stacey 'ave a looks at Steven's prices and says 'e is sellin' it at cost price, right, so Pat 'ad better not be expectin' any rent. Dorn spots an ad for boozer staff at the bleedin' club. She asks Phil in the chuffin' Vic and Shirley is keen for the chuffin' Uncle Bob too. Dorn says that they probably want yung staff, right, not a dried up ole prune, right, and then 'eaffer appears after arrangin' for Vince ter appear. Shirley is annoyed and goes ter flirt wiv Kevin ter make the bloomin' point ter Vinnie. Heaffer explains 'oo Kevin is and says they 'ate each uvver. Shirley goes hammer and tack to 'er flat and 'as a go at 'eaffer, right, but finds Vinnie there, right? They 'ave a prickly conversation, leadin' ter a dinner date. Phil goes ter see Kevin and finds Darren messing wiv 'is new Ipod. Phil says 'e sposes that is wot 'e bought wiv the bleedin' brass, right, and 'e 'ad better not tell any of 'is mates about yesterday, init? Steven is aggressive and tells Ian that 'e 'as called the bobbies about the chuffin' stall and 'ave they went on ter him yet, then, eh, luv? Ian decides ter go and give a statement ter the bobbies about it and they 'ad no record of the complaint. Then 'e 'as the brilliant idea of 'ave a lookin' at the tape from the CCTV cameran 'e set up outside 'is gate and 'e finds out that 'e 'as caught the stall vandalism on tape and it were Steven 'oo did it 'imself. Jean phones Stacey ter say she 'ad ter sign for 'er 'oliday case, right, and she opens it ter sort out 'er werehin' for 'er. Cor blimey guv! She 'ave a looks at the bloody camera and spots the bloomin' weddin' video. Then the dog and bone rings and she drops it on the floor in panic, init?She's afraid that she 'as broken it and ruined the weddin' video. Cor blimey guv! Monique gets Peter and Lauren ter do some "secret" fings for 'er. Jane finds a note on the table. Monique gets a ticket ter St Pancreas (presumably ter get the train ter France). Peter and Lauren meet in the square and boff say they are 'ere ter meet blokes. They wait a bit and Peter offers 'er some of 'is food ter share. They boff realise they were set up and Lauren says it were a funny date as she leaves. Jane tells Ian that Monique 'as used 'er muvver's credit card ter get a ticket 'ome, but Jane 'as phoned 'er muvver and Monique 'ad already arranged all of it and is bein' picked up at the uvver end. Steven receives a package from New Zealand wiv all 'is worldly goods in it. Pat complains ter Kevin about 'ow foughtless Simon were ter do this. Steven shouts wen 'e opens it and finds a tacky ornament, right, and storms out. Kevin gets a call from prison that Deano 'as been attacked in prison

Thursday 22 November 2007

2008-06-05T20:32:00.000+01:00

Bradley 'as a new Uncle Bob as assistant market inspector. Kevin gets the first lot of cars from Phil but wonders weffer they are quite right. Vince's persistence wiv Shirley begins ter pay off, right, and Billy is up ter sumfink ter earn extra brass. Steven wears 'is own design T-shirt ter work on 'is stall. Pat says 'e will do well and she is proud of 'im, wotever Ian says. He finds 'is stall trashed. He goes ter accuse Stacey. Monique is sulkin' because Ian told 'er ter stay oray from Steven. Lucy says she 'as the hots for 'im. Then Steven bangs on the bloody door and accuses Ian of trashin' 'is stall. Monique wants ter talk ter him. Ian goes outside and Pat comes over and Stacey shrugs that 'e accused 'er a few minutes ago. Ian asks Billy why 'e 'asn't opened the stall yet. Steven wants ter get the bobbies involved and says evry geezer is gangin' up on 'im and 'e don't trust any fairy. Bradley brings Stacey breakfast in bed, but she 'as ter go ter work and 'e is a bit miffed. She says one of them 'as ter earn some brass, and 'e realises she finks 'e made the wrong decision ter turn dahn the bloody Uncle Bob offer. Lucy chats ter Monique 'oo says Peter is too yung for 'er, right, besides 'e likes Lauren. Lucy is amazed. Honey goes ter 'ave a look at flats and agrees ter rent one of them, right, sayin' it's a bit out of their price range, but she said yes because there were uvver blokes waitin'. Then she opens the chuffin' post and tells Billy 'e 'as ter come 'ome quickly, she don't understand this. It's a letter about the benefit they claimed, sayin' they 'ave been overpaid and the benefits are ter be cut by £75 a week. Phil brings Kevin the first dodgy motor, right, and it's a bit too new and expensive for the bloody rest of the bloomin' car lot. Darren says 'e's out of 'is depff, and Kevin tells 'im off for bein' negative. Some bloke comes ter 'ave a look at the car and Kevin goes outside wile Darren checks the log butcher's hook against the bloody service record, and frowns in confusion. He goes ter the bleedin' cafe and spots Phil. Phil is on the dog and bone sayin' ter some bloke "if that cheque ain't ... yea, yea, right, that is a freat". Darren says 'e 'as been checkin' the paperwork for the chuffin' car that Phil sent Kevin, and 'e's noticed some discrepancies, right, wich Kevin may never know about as 'e leaves all the paperwork ter Darren. Phil says 'e can't decide weffer ter be annoyed or impressed. Darren asks for a couple of 'undred quid. He buys a new Ipod. Bradley gets the chuffin' Uncle Bob as assistant market inspector and tells Stacey that she now 'as ter do evryfink 'e says, includin' openin' up 'alf an 'our later if 'e says so. Max 'ands 'im a key and says 'e 'as arranged a flat for them. He asks Max and then Kevin about 'ow ter spice up 'is marriage/sex life, and Kevin suggests makin' it fun. He goes 'ome and prepares 'is entertainin' evenin'... I'll get out me spoons. At the stall, right, Stacey gets an urgent dog and bone call and rushes off. She goes 'ome and Bradley tells 'er ter wait dahn the apples and pears and appears stark bloody naked except for a bow tie and a bottle of champagne coverin' 'is modesty. Stacey is 'orrified, right, because she 'as brought 'er muvver wiv 'er

Tuesday 20 November 2007

2008-06-05T20:30:00.000+01:00

Kevin is shocked ter find the bloody Car Lot 'as been trashed. He spends the day tryin' ter figure out 'oo were responsible. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Bradley goes for a Uncle Bob interview but soon realises the Uncle Bob ain't for 'im. Steven decides ter buy "urban" kit ter sell on Deano's stall. Peter's exchange student is called Monique and she won't speak English until Ian makes a complete fairy of 'imself, and she gives in and rabbit and porks ter ffem. She and 'er mate 'ad a bet on 'oo could last longest wivout speakin' English, right? She asks why Steven is wotchin' them and Peter tells 'er a long story about Steven and 'ow 'e ain't 'is real bruvver, etc. She flirts wiv Steven on 'is new stall (that 'e 'as stocked wiv T-shirts, right, wich upsets Stacey because 'e is competition). Cor blimey guv! Max 'ands Bradley a note offerin' 'im an interview for the same Uncle Bob that 'e does. Bradley is doubtful but thanks Max any road. The interviewer is shoutin' at the bleedin' last geezer in the room, and Bradley goes and does 'is standard interview, right, ffen decides ter go for it, and plays up ter the boss, sayin' that 'is last Uncle Bob were all crap, right, and 'e wants ter make brass. He gets offered the Uncle Bob because of this attitude, but turns it dahn. He tells Max, right, 'oo offers 'im a wad of cash ter keep the flat for a few monffs. Stacey comes in and rejects the bleedin' brass immediately, wich annoys Max. Kevin goes 'round wonderin' 'oo vandalized 'is car lot, right, and Pat says it sounds like it weren't kids or fieves, so peraps it's a "message". Kevin remembers Phil's veiled freats, init?He goes ter accuse 'im and Phil 'as an alibi. Phil acts all innocent, and says 'e could go ter the Arches and ask if they can fix the car windows for 'im. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Phil quickly phones Minty and tells 'im ter bump the bleedin' quote up. Minty goes round and gives an 'igh quote and then guiltily tells Kevin 'e should let the chuffin' insurance deal wiv it. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Phil pays Jase for the Uncle Bob, and Jase finks it's all over, right, and Phil says 'e 'as anuvver Uncle Bob for 'im. Kevin goes ter Pat ter ask for brass and she says she loaned all 'ers ter Steven. He goes hammer and tack to Phil, 'oo lies and says the cars 'e 'ad are all sold, right, but 'e will spot if 'e can cop some more. He phones up and says 'e will cop a few cars and the Arches will do them up as quickly as they can, and give them ter him ter sell. Heaffer runs ter a magazine ter enter a weddin' competition for Minty and 'azel, right, but she is a couple of 'ours late. The bleedin' bint says rules are rules, and 'eaffer begs for a wile, right, and then drops it in the bin. She tells Shirley 'oo phones up the magazine, and begs a bit more. Ronnie goes ter her club and Billy begs for a Uncle Bob on the door, and she ain't impressed. Hazel and Minty 'ave a big engagement knees-up, since 'azel is now convinced she will win the competition. Heaffer is disappointed ter find out Garry 'as gone on an under 30s singgles 'oliday. Monique goes ter Steven's stall, and ends up at 'is 'ouse and she flirts and starts smokin' and sayin' 'ow naughty she is now that she is so far from 'ome. Peter gets a call from Ian and lies that they are at Lauren's. Meanwile, Monique asks Steven ter kiss 'er and 'e says no, she is 13 or 14. She asks if 'e is gay. Ian probably 'ears Monique say Steven in the background. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Ian puts dahn the bloody dog and bone and 'e is actually at Lauren's, so 'e rushes 'round ter Pat's and cotches Monique smokin', and tells them off, init?Ian tells Steven off, and 'e says it weren't 'is idea, Peter is 'is bruvver. Ian says there is nuffink round 'ere for Steven - no forgiveness, and the sooner 'e realises that the better

Monday 19 November 2007

2008-06-05T20:29:00.000+01:00

Bradley gets some bad news about 'is Uncle Bob, wile Jase wonders weffer 'e should move on from Albert Square. Bradley and Stacey are 'ome, and 'e says Dot as gone ter Carol's so they 'ave the place ter ffemselves. He wants ter get their own place. Old Mo arrives and tells Stacey that Sean 'as disappeared after a row wiv their muvver and says they can wotch the weddin' video. They go out ter 'ave a look at flats, right, and are shown Billy and 'oney's flat by Mrs Patel. Billy is sulky and Stacey asks 'oney if she is sure it's Not so bad. Bradley gets a large cash deposit and is about ter sign the bloody contract wen Stacey says she needs more time. Cor blimey guv! Ian gets a call from the school but lets it go ter answerdog and bone as 'e is busily copping the kids ready for school. Then 'e spots Steven wiv Pat, right, and 'e goes ter berate 'im. Pat explains that Steven can't go 'ome because Simon 'as frown 'im out. Ian tells 'er ter keep 'im oray from 'is family. He 'angs 'round the bettin' shop and Pat says 'e must be bored, stayin' in 'ere all day will drive yer mad. Then she 'ave a looks embarrassed. Pat says if 'e is stayin', he needs a Uncle Bob, right, to keep 'im occupied. He goes ter the Vic and Peggy tells 'im ter show 'er that 'e can do the bloomin' Uncle Bob before she offers it ter him. Ian goes up ter the bar and tells 'im that if 'e gets a Uncle Bob 'ere, he will tell any employer about 'im. Ian calls Peggy over and tells 'er 'e is only 17. The bloomin' school message is that Peter's foreign exchange student arrives tomorrow, init? Phil is sortin' out 'is business problems. Jase comes over ter do some carpentry and Phil says this ain't the payback 'e asked for, he will want sumfink else, right, later. Peggy is annoyed that 'e sent 'im oray. Phil meets a right dodgy bloke 'oo tells Phil off for actually mentionin' 'is name in front of uvver blokes. They are gahn into "partnership". Phil goes ter Kevin and tells 'im that the rent for the chuffin' car lot will go up wen the lease is due as Peggy needs more brass. He offers Kevin 'is business idea - ter go upmarket, right, and sell the ex-company cars. Kevin declines. Phil tells Jase 'e 'eard that 'e were finkin' of movin' oray, and 'e owes Phil, so 'e is callin' in part of 'is debt now. Garry is fed up wiv 'is muvver and Minty, and packs 'is case. Pat loans Steven brass ter get new stock for Deano's stall. Stacey unpacks 'er case, right, and discovers she 'as the bloomin' wrong one. It is full of illegal gear and they all moan about the weddin' video gahn missin'. Bradley arrives 'ome and asks Stacey if she still 'as the flat contract, and 'e tells evry geezer that 'e 'as been sacked because 'is boss is movin' ter Singgapore and wants a local assistant. Cor blimey guv! Stacey 'as already signed and paid the deposit on the flat

Fursday 15 November 2007

2008-02-03T09:48:00.000Z

Jase 'its the self-destruct button once and for all. Steven begs for a bed for the bloody night. Jase phones Dorn and tells 'er that 'oney's baby is dead, and 'e asks ter speak ter Jay, and tells 'im that 'e 'as ter leave immediately before any fairy else gets 'urt. Jay protests that 'e will be good. Jase runs oray and gets a taxi ter the snooker 'all quickly. He rushes in and shouts at 'is mates, 'oo are congratulatin' themselves about the attack. Jay is sulkin' and tells Dorn that a teacher at school called 'im the divvy child, and 'e must be right, right, evry geezer 'as left 'im ter fend for 'imself - but 'e will be not so bad in care until 'e is 16. Meanwile, the bloody baby (boy) starts breabugger and is not so bad after all. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? The bloody bobbies are still in the chuffin' Vic and after takin' all the descriptions, right, they deduce a name for one of the bloomin' suspects. Ronnie and Roxy open champagne for the baby and all the blokes there 'elp tidy up the debris, just as Phil arrives. He goes ter the hospital and congratulates Billy, right, but 'oney immediately berates 'im for sellin' their 'ome under them. He says 'e sold the shop, right, have a go at the new owner, he can't do anyfink about it now. Pat rabbit and porks ter Steven, right, and 'e says 'e 'as no brass, right, and Simon 'asn't sent 'im any for a wile, right, and 'as changed 'is number because 'is new bint made 'im. He says 'e were sent off wiv a Old Kent Road of brass and told ter go ter his real family, and no-one wants 'im. Pat lets 'im stay at 'ers, because 'e is family. Lucy gets a call from Steven, right, 'oo meets 'er in the café and explains 'e 'as ter leave, right, and 'e asks 'er if she knows any where 'e could sleep for tonight. She asks Peter ter take the chuffin' key ter the van ter the café for 'im, but Dad can't know,. Ian walks in and says can't know wot, eh, squire? Lucy owns up and Peter says it's Not so bad, right, he can stay 'ere. Peter soon realises from all the reactions, that there's more gahn on than 'e is orare of, and asks them ter explain. Pat arrives ter tell Ian off for frowin' Steven out on the streets, and some sob story about 'im, right, and Jane is finally too annoyed ter keep quiet and says that 'er injury ain't appendicitis, it's a gunshot wound, caused by Steven. Jase gets a right good beatin' and Terry takes 'im ter hospital, and says the gutter is no place ter die. Then 'e explains that 'e wants ter retire, right, he needs an 'eir ter his gang, and 'e wanted it ter be Jase. Jase says 'e 'ates wot 'e 'as done, right, his son 'ave a looks up ter him, right, and wouldn't if 'e knew wot 'e'd done. He is called by a nurse ter be 'ave a looked at. Terry calls some bloke. I'll get out me spoons. Jase goes ter see Billy and is delighted ter see 'oney and that the baby is Not so bad. Cor blimey guv! Terry turns up and asks ter see Jay, 'oo is cryin'. Dorn asks 'im 'oo 'e is and wot 'e wants. He says Jase is at 'ospital but will be hammer and tack later, and 'e gives Jay a mobile dog and bone, and shows 'im an ole video of Jase leadin' the bloomin' charge of 'is gang at an ole footie motch. He asks Jay if 'e is proud of 'is ole Dad then, luv? Dorn tells 'im crossly ter turn it off. Jase arrives 'ome and is again asked (ffreateningly) ter beg ter come hammer and tack to the bloomin' gang, right, or else they will be in 'is Nanny Goat Race all the time, right, any girlmucker or employer will immediately be told until Jase spots the error of 'is ways, and says 'e is sorry and falls hammer and tack into line. He goes out and Jase follows, right, where Phil comes and tells Jase ter put the mockers on this, and then the bobbies arrive and nick the two gang members and tell Jase ter come and give a statement wen 'e 'as the chuffin' chance. Jase goes ter find Jay first. Jay asks if 'e ever 'it 'is Mum, and Jase says no. Jay says 'e fought Jase were the Mae West Dad in the world, right, but 'e ain't. Jase says 'e 'as paid for 'is crimes, right, and 'as changed, right, and don't do that any more. Phil arrives and 'as a private conversation, in wich 'e tells Jase that 'e didn't just 'elp 'im out as a favour, Jase needs ter understand that now Phil owns 'im.

Tuesday 13 November 2007

2008-02-03T09:46:00.000Z

The Vic is raided and it's a violent, right, disorientatin' and terrifyin' attack for the bleedin' locals. Honey and Billy's baby is due but they've been evicted. Finks take a terrifyin' turn wen 'oney is involved in a scuffle, do wot guvnor! In the bleedin' Vic, right, blokes are gossipin' about Dorn and Jase as Keiff and Mickey arrive and tell Garry that they gave 'im brass ter clear off, right, so 'oo knows wot they are up to. I'll get out me spoons. Then Jase's ole gang of fugs come in and smash up the chuffin' Vic. Jase 'ears the chuffin' glass breakin' and 'ave a looks up from kissin' Dorn ter ask if she 'eard anyfink. The gang put the mockers on breakin' fings and 'ave a look 'round for Jase. They argue among themselves about 'im not bein' 'ere. They ask weffer Jason Dyer were 'ere. Mickey 'ave a looks shifty and they ask 'im directly where 'e is, right? Peggy and Roxy shriek ineffectually for a bit. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Yolande chips in tellin' blokes not ter protect Jase because she don't want Patrick copping 'urt again, right, and Patrick is the bleedin' only man in the bleedin' Vic 'oo actually stands up and tells them off. Cor blimey guv! Jase finally arrives, havin' left Dorn a brief note. They go ter the cellar ter have a word, right, and Jase tells them off for terrorisin' ole blokes and cows. They call 'im a traitor and 'e says 'e told them 'e wanted out. The gang leader says that 'e can't leave it: if they let 'im go, right, they 'ave a look weak. Jase says Not so bad, he will go wiv them, but 'e needs ter make one dog and bone call. They 'and 'im the chuffin' dog and bone ffen attack 'im soon as one 'and is occupied. In the bar, evry geezer is recoverin': bein' supervised by one or two of the gang, right, and 'oney comes dahn from up the apples and pears where she were, right, and spots woss gahn on in the bar, right, and she calls the bobbies. She spots Jase in the chuffin' cellar and goes ter hug 'im, right, and they tell 'er ter leave 'im. They taunt Jase, right, and 'e attacks, and 'oney is pushed over and falls dahn. The chuffin' bobbies arrive and the bloomin' gang run off, right, and Jase asks Ian for 'is car keys ter take 'oney ter hospital. Ian goes hammer and tack inside and Jane asks 'im not ter leave 'er alone in the bloody house. He says Not so bad, and phones 'is kids ter make sure they come straight 'ome and makes them wotch a film at 'ome. Garry flirts wiv Ronnie as she 'elps 'im tidy up 'is Nanny Goat Race. Peggy and Roxy are asked ter give a statement ter the bobbies, do wot guvnor! Peggy rushes off ter answer the dog and bone to Jase, 'oo 'as taken 'oney ter hospital. Cor blimey guv! He tells Peggy ter call Billy, 'oo is at a Uncle Bob interview as a graveyard shift shelf stacker. The chuffin' geezer showin' 'im round 'ates children and Billy quickly switches off the dog and bone, just as 'e is tellin' the bloomin' lad that 'is baby is due today. Jay arrives at the Vic, and Kevin tells Mickey ter take 'im hammer and tack to Dorn's. Kevin evasively don't tell the bobbies wot the gang said about 'ave a lookin' for Jase. Mickey explains ter Dorn wot 'appened - they dragged Jase out ter the cellar and they never seen him again. He tells Dorn that 'e likes 'er better than Roxy, and that 'is dad don't usually leave 'im alone that long. He asks if Jase were nicked wen the chuffin' bobbies came. Dorn asks Jay if 'e knows why Jase were in prison, and wen 'e don't, she says it were probably connected wiv wot 'appened. Jay realises Jase may be 'urt, and starts ter cry and Dorn 'ugs 'im, do wot guvnor! Honey is 'avin' 'er baby and the bloomin' nurse asks 'er if she feels up ter pushin', do wot guvnor! She says she don't know - Billy makes all the decisions (! Struth!), init? At the hospital, right, Minty asks Jase wot fun there is in bein' a (hated) footie 'ooligan: 'ave a look at 'eisel and 'illsborough (old footie stadium disasters). Jase says that were nuffink like wot they do - they do sumfink completely different: evry geezer chooses ter be involved in their planned gang violence. Jase says 'e 'as given that up, and Minty says that 'is mates don't seem ter be respectin' that decision. Billy eventually comes hammer and tack to the chuffin' Vic and is told about 'oney. Right. He goes ter hospital and punches Jase, ffen goes ter see 'oney, 'oo needs a Caesarean. He says that 'er muvver died in childbirff, right, he don't want that 'appenin' again. She 'as a baby boy 'oo is given oxygen because it ain't makin' any noise, but 'oney is makin' enough for all of them, as she wails and shrieks.

Monday 12 November 2007

2008-02-03T09:42:00.000Z

Just as Jase 'as sumfink positive in 'is life, right, a date wiv Dorn, right, sumfink sinister is brewin', init?Wiv the bloody baby due today, right, Billy is worried but 'e dain't tell 'oney they are bein' evicted from the bloomin' flat. Jase and Jay are wanderin' 'round the square and Roxy flirts wiv 'im a bit, right, and then 'e goes ter ask Old Mo about some kit for Jay, right, wich are too expensive. He asks for a discount and she says she might consider some alternative payment, and wispers sumfink (no doubt smutty) in 'is ear. Jay asks wot she said and 'e says 'e'll tell Jay wen 'e's 21. They spot Dorn and she apologises ter him for chuckin' up last time they went out. Afterwards, Jay asks if Jase prefers Dorn or Roxy. Steven rants at Pat about Ian, and she says give 'im time. He wines on and she says she tried ter tell 'im, right, but 'e wouldn't believe 'er, right, so don't blame 'er. Steven wines that Ian should 'ave just 'anded 'im in at the bloody time, right, if 'e didn't want 'im. He says 'e could 'and 'imself in now. Pat tells 'im ter wait and not do anyfink 'asty. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. She goes out and 'ears Ian shoutin' dahn the dog and bone about Steven dischargin' 'imself. Cor blimey guv! He asks 'er, right, and she lies, right, and 'e goes ter her 'ouse ter 'ave a look for Steven. He tells Pat ter open the bloomin' door or 'e will kick it in. Steven 'ides. Pat admits ter visitin' 'im and says Ian can't wereh 'is 'ands of Steven, and this ain't 'elpin' any fairy. Ian says 'e's not right in 'is 'ead. He finds a note on the table, from Steven, right, "I only wanted ter say sorry." Ian goes 'ome and Jane is cross that 'e missed a medical appointment, right, and asks wot could be so important. Ian keeps quiet. Pat comes round ter see 'im, right, and Ian is furious wiv 'er for takin' Steven in. Steven agrees ter move back. Roxy and Ronnie are busy refurbishin' the club and Jase asks for work. He spots Dorn walkin' past and asks 'er out tonight. She agrees. Dorn is worried about 'er 'ave a looks but Jase is impressed, and she returns the chuffin' compliment, right, sayin' 'e doesn’t 'ave a look 'alf as skanky as 'e usually does, init?[In uvver words, he is vaguely tidy, right, alffough 'e still 'ave a looks ravver cheap and tatty]. Right. They go ter the Vic and Ronnie notes that Roxy is jealous about Jase. Garry is there wiv Minty, and is similarly a bit jealous about Dorn, right? Honey and Billy are kissin' in the bedroom wen Mrs Patel walks in ter measure up and tells them she will 'ave ter measure more before they move out. Honey is upset that Billy 'adn't told 'er 'e'd been told they 'ad ter move out. Billy says 'e 'as a Uncle Bob interview at the supermarket later. He goes out for it, right, and bumps into a large gang, right, one of 'oom is Jase's ole mate, so presumably the entire gang of fugs is out 'ave a lookin' for 'im. One 'ave a looks in the door of the Vic and spots Dorn and Jase and reports back. Roxy goes over and says it 'ave a looks like they are on the bloomin' date from hell fire. Jase says 'e don't want ter be cheeky, right, but... and she leaves in an 'uff. Then Garry goes over and sits dahn wiv them, and Jase asks Dorn if she wants ter go elsewhere. She invites 'im hammer and tack to 'ers and asks Keiff and Mickey ter leave and they plead poverty until Jase gives them brass. Dorn says "alone at last". She kisses 'im [alffough 'e is still unpleasantly stubbly and scruffy]. He goes ter see Jane ter says sorry, right, and creeps in under cover of dark, and she is understandably terrified. Ian arrives 'ome and grabs 'im and frows 'im out, right, physically. Jane snivels a bit.

Friday 9 November 2007

2008-02-03T09:41:00.000Z

Pat tries ter persuade Ian ter talk ter Steven, right, wile Jane confides in Tanya about recent events. Billy receives some unwelcome news. Right. Misery Jane is at 'ome, frownin' a bit, right, ffen snivellin' a bit on 'er bed. Jase drops Jay off for a couple of nights, and Billy says 'e 'ad better pick the kid up wen 'e says, because 'oney's baby is due soon. Honey says it's Not so bad. Billy dismisses a letter, right, lyin' ter Honey about it, right? He goes ter see the new owner of their flat (Mrs Patel) about stayin' in the chuffin' flat because they 'ave a baby due. She says no, right, she wants ter rent the flat ter a ace couple, right, no children or pets wen 'is lease is up in a few weeks. Billy asks Ian's advice about tenant's rights, init?Billy tells Peggy, 'oo says Mrs Patel promised Phil wen 'e sold the bleedin' place that they could stay, but there is nuffink they can do now if she is gahn hammer and tack on 'er word. Tanya is also 'eavily pregnant and she is wotchin' daytime TV. Max shows 'er a brochure for a private birbugger clinic and 'e says they can afford it so why slum it wiv the NHS, eh, guv? He fetches sumfink for 'er. Tanya phones Jane and asks 'er ter visit because Max is doin' 'er loaf of bread in, right? Jane reluctantly (still sniffin' miserably) agrees. Tanya tells Max that were Jane and she 'as ter go and cheer 'er up. Tanya goes on about the clinic and 'ow Max is all keen, right, just because it's a boy - 'is son and 'eir, wereas wiv the bleedin' girls 'e didn't care. Apparently the bloomin' clinic also does tummy tucks for afterwards - she finks that Max wants ter get 'er fixed up afterwards. She says 'e never went near 'er for ages after Lauren were born. Tanya realises Jane is upset about sumfink, and next time she waffles on about 'er baby, Jane bursts into tears and explains that she didn't 'ave 'er appendix out, right, she 'ad an 'ysterectomy. Tanya is sympaffetic but rants that Ian should be 'ave a lookin' after 'er, not ignorin' 'er. Jane asks 'er just ter stay and rabbit and pork if she wants ter help. Afterwards, right, Tanya goes and shouts at Ian. Pat is visitin' Steven 'oo is still bein' a bit odd and nutty. She makes some reassurin' noises. She takes Steven ter her 'ouse and 'ands 'im 'is tablets, right, but 'e just grabs them and 'ysterically frows them dahn the sink. Pat says that she can't keep 'im 'ere, right, as she can't 'ave a look after 'im, so 'e should go hammer and tack home ter New Zealand. Steven storms out ter go and spot Ian. Pat tells 'im 'e can't, right, because it won't solve anyfink. Pat goes ter talk ter Ian, right, and tells 'im Steven is part of Ian's family, and it were an accident, maybe 'e could 'elp by goin' on ter Steven. Ian asks suspiciously if she's spoken ter Steven. Pat says no, and Ian says Steven ain't part of 'is family any more, and if she rabbit and porks ter him, she ain't eever, and if Steven comes wivin 50 yards of 'im, he will kill 'im. Jase goes ter the bloody gang leader, right, and bloke says 'e missed a good batterin' last Saturday (presumably the gang beat blokes up for fun), right, and rabbit and porks about 'is child Jay, right, in an obviously freatenin' way. They play snooker. Jase mentions that 'e seen his mate in 'ospital yesterday, and the old bloke says if yer break the rules, yer pay the price, he were a grass - 'e 'ad Jase put in prison, so 'e couldn't cop oray wiv it. Jase says 'e may not ball of chalk again, right, and the chuffin' old bloke says 'e knew 'e deserved it, and took wot were comin'. Jase tries ter leave, but is told the bleedin' game ain't over. He reminisces about meetin' Jase wen 'e were 15, and Jase were bein' refused a drink in a snooker 'all, but 'e won five games off 'im, and now 'e is losin'. He asks if Jase wants out of the chuffin' firm after all these years. Jase says yea

Fursday 8 November 2007

2008-02-03T09:39:00.000Z

Sean 'eads hammer and tack to the bloody Square after stayin' wiv 'is mum. Ronnie is annoyed ter discover 'oo the new owner of the club is and Pat visits Steven at the clinic and makes a surprisin' decision. Buggers are tense between Ian and Jane. Followin' directly on, right, Sean is 'idin' from the bobbies 'oo 'ave just arrived, right, and Jean manages not ter give 'im oray by tellin' them 'e never visits as 'e 'ates 'er (so obviously not totally livin' in a dream world). Jase goes ter the hospital ter visit 'is ole china 'oo 'as been beaten up, and the ole lady tells Jase it's 'is fault. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Jase denies all knowledge as 'e no longer does that. Jase continues ter be over-protective ter Jay, 'oo is right pissed off wen 'e is collected from school like a wee child. Jase (ravver fairyically) still refuses ter explain why 'e is doin' this. Ronnie goes ter the chuffin' club, right, and wile she is there, she 'ave a looks 'round and seein' a bottle of spirits, right, she takes a swig from it, right, just as Jack Brannin' walks in. He teases 'er about 'ow uncouff it is ter be drinkin' from the bottle, and she asks 'im 'ow 'e got in. He dangles the keys - 'e is the new owner. She is furious and 'e simply says that 'e knows nuffink about the business, but it could be a success if she will manage it for 'im. He says 60-40, and 'e will be a sleepin' partner, as 'e lives in Manchester, and ain't plannin' on movin', right, so she can even pretend that it's all 'ers, right, and that 'er plans ter buy it all worked out perfectly. She goes 'ome and wen Roxy and Peggy cop back, she lies that the chuffin' club sale all went frough as planned, right, and she is the new owner. Ian is right irritable in the café and tells Billy off ravver unreasonably. Billy replies that 'e should be at 'ome 'ave a lookin' after 'is trouble and strife, and ter get 'is priorities straight. Ian realises that Billy is right, right, so don't sack 'im this time. Meanwile, Tanya visits Jane, right, 'oo wines and moans a bit and finds it 'ard ter pretend that it were only a routine operation. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Wen Ian gets 'ome she wines and moans a bit more at 'im, complainin' again about not 'avin' children of 'er own. Pat visits mad Steven, right, and is interrogated by the staff about why the bleedin' rest of 'is family don't visit 'im, init?They also say that Steven ain't mad any more, right, and can go 'ome, so they won't be accedin' ter Ian's request ter keep 'im locked up there (presumably no-one 'as told them 'e shot some bloke). Pat finks a bit about it and then stewpidly decides ter let Steven stay wiv 'er, init?

Tuesday 6 November 2007

2008-02-03T09:37:00.000Z

Sean takes drastic measures and Ronnie is annoyed wen she finds out that she 'as been gazumped. Jane returns 'ome from 'ospital. Old Mo gets a postcard from Stacey and Max gets one from Bradley. Old Mo also gets a deliright of stock, some right strange items, right, like divin' fins. The bloody bobbies arrive at the door, init? Sean wakes up next mornin', right, feelin' bad. Jean gets a card from Stacey. She rambles on ter Sean about 'ow Bradley will need 'igh protection in the sun, and she offers Sean toast, and egg on toast. She chatter oray manically and Sean asks if she is takin' all 'er tablets and in the bloomin' right order. She says she were wotchin' 'im sleep last night, right, and 'e frowns wen 'e is asleep - does 'e know that, eh, luv? Sean says wiv irritation, now, right, how would I know that, then, eh, guv? He tries ter make a drink but the taps don't work, and Jean says she called the bleedin' council but the dog and bone just plays music, right, and wen they do come round, right, they just laugh at 'er. Sean sighs and says, Not so bad, he will try ter fix the taps. Jean keeps ON AND ON ramblin' about weffer she should dog and bone the hotel and tell them that Bradley needs ter use 'igh factor suntan lotion. She goes on and on about family and 'ow they are part of Bradley's family now, right, and Sean says quietly 'e is tryin' ter concentrate 'ere, right, Mum. He drops a wrench, and she asks 'im if 'e 'as an 'angover, wich is exactly 'ow 'e's actin'. [And she is already drivin' me insane, so I can't even imagine 'ow Sean manages - or don't]. Jean goes on about Max and she don't like 'im, because 'e don't fink Stacey is right good enough. She jumps and screams wen a firework goes off outside and Sean takes a deep breaff and rolls 'is mince pies. Then she rambles a bit more about vague and ill-defined waffle, right, and Sean sighs and says brusquely wotcher on about now, isit?Just pick a subject and stick ter it. He fixes the bloomin' taps and she is grateful and says 'e's clever. He's still actin' reasonably laid back, answerin' evryfink tiredly and resignedly, and says the bloomin' repair were nuffink, init? Abi makes them ball of chalk to school and Lauren winges, and asks why. Abi says a polar bear dies evry time yer use the chuffin' car, right, and Lauren says polar bears don't do anyfink good - just eat baby seals. Jay tells Jase wot 'e did wiv 'is mate, how they 'ad fun at the fireworks, and 'e seemed like a nice chap - for a mate of Jase's. Jase gets a freatenin' note, right, probably from Terry, that a mucker 'as been beaten up. Lucy wants ter stay at 'ome ter see Jane wen she comes hammer and tack from 'ospital. Pat forces them all ter go ter school. Ian brings Jane 'ome and she makes an 'uge fuss about walkin' ter the chuffin' sofa. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Ian asks if she wants ter wotch a DVD and she says she just wants ter sit wiv Ian, but 'e 'as ter work in the bleedin' café. She seems disappointed, right, or just miserable because she's ill, or wotever. Roxy justifies spendin' 'er 5K on a flashy car, by wot she "went frough", ie she 'ad ter snog Damien, and it were like bein' suffocated by a deranged sheep. I'll get out me spoons. Ronnie wants some contingency brass for the bloody club, and Roxy says the bleedin' club will be not so bad, she ain't takin' the car back. Tanya wants ter go and spot Jane, right, and Ian refuses ter let 'er, right, and says that peritonitis is right serious and Jane don't want ter see any fairy. Pat asks Ian if Jane knows wot 'e is sayin', and says 'e is storin' up Barney Rubble wiv 'is lies. Ian says 'e 'as ter work extran 'ours ter keep Steven in that place, wich is costin' an arm and a leg. Pat says as long as 'e ain't just avoidin' Jane wiv 'is excuses. She visits Jane, 'oo asks where Steven is. Pat avoids lyin' by askin' Jane if she finks that Ian would tell Pat if 'e won't tell Jane, but later visits Steven at the clinic. Dot is in the Vic and Jack offers 'er a drink, right, and keeps on pressin', sayin' not even a wee sweet sherry, isit?[He cotches on quickly]. He offers ter carry 'er shoppin' bags across the square, and 'e is also takin' 'er ter visit Jim on the bloomin' way 'ome. I'll get out me spoons. Dot says 'e's so courteous and it's wonderful, right, he 'as cheered 'er up no end. They leave and Max says bitterly that 'e wants ter wipe the chuffin' grin off 'is smug mush. He also 'assles Tanya about a doctor's letter she 'as been ignorin'. Roxy drives Peggy ter her appointment and Ronnie objects because the agent is comin' soon, right, and Roxy says 'e is only comin' ter chat 'er up. Wen 'e arrives, she says she's busy, right, but the drink's on the bleedin' house wile 'e waits. He tells 'er the club owner 'as a better offer, so unless she can add a sweetener - about 5K - [wot a convenient number] she 'as lost the deal. He gives 'er a few 'ours ter clear out the bloody finks she left in the office then 'e wants the bleedin' keys back. Jean spots 'er tranquilisers packet 'as two missin' and Sean at first says she must 'ave forgotten, and she ain't sposed ter be takin' these any more, so why are there ole packets all over the house, then, squire? She *screams* that she needs them "in case", and 'e took 'er tablets, they're all 'ers. Sean replies sarkily "that's a wee bit selfish ain't it, any road, right, why do yer fink we were copping on so well, then? I just needed sumfink ter take the bleedin' edge off, I wish I 'adn't come." She shrieks 'ysterically at 'im. He slams a tool into the bloody sink, and she jumps nervously at the sound, right, as she does at evry loud noise. Sean says aggressively, come on then, right, start freakin' out: scream and shout, right, go on. She 'its 'im, right, hard, wiv 'er cast and 'e 'ave a looks angry, but they are interrupted by the bobbies knockin' and they shout frough the door, right, tellin' Jean they are 'ave a lookin' for Sean

Monday 5 November 2007

2008-02-03T09:35:00.000Z

Sean goes ter see 'is mum after Charlie urges 'im ter be there for 'er more. Jase is annoyed wen 'e finds out that Jay 'as been out wiv one of 'is ole mates. Ronnie is surprised wiv Roxy's new purchases. Ronnie gives Peggy the bloody winnings and she can finally pay off 'er debts, so that 40K debt were all sorted remarkably swiftly and easily. Ronnie sorts out 'er club, and Roxy sells 'er engagement ringg ter buy a stake. However, right, she fritters most of the bleedin' brass (5K) oray on an ugly puppy and a flashy car instead, and only 'as a few 'undred quid left ter give ter Ronnie for the club. Ronnie chats ter Jack about the club. Billy and 'oney try ter fill in forms ter get more state 'andouts for their 'andicapped child. Jase and Jay are continuin' wiv their tedious lives and Jase is reluctant ter let Jay go out on 'is own because of 'is ole gang boss (Terry) 'oo might 'arm 'im, presumably. However, he won't explain this ter Jay, so Jay is irritated by the sudden draconian curfew and Jase won't let Jay go ter a fireworks knees-up. I'll get out me spoons. Soon as Jase is out of the bleedin' way, right, doin' odd Uncle Bobs for Peggy, Jay gets a visitor, right, and it's Terry, 'oom 'e lets in wiv only a vague query. Terry is creepily chinaly ter Jay, and tells 'im a few (innocent) stories about 'is favver. He offers ter take Jay out and o'course, right, he jumps at the chance, and wen Jase gets 'ome, he is frantic wiv worry at findin' Jay gone. Sean is hammer and tack after a short disappearance followin' the bloomin' weddin', and Charlie (bravely or stewpidly) confronts 'im about 'is erratic behaviour. Sean grabs 'im by the lapels freateningly and Charlie goes on and on about Sean 'avin' ter 'ave a look after 'is muvver. Charlie also finds Old Mo sellin' off Stacey's weddin' gifts on 'er stall. Sean agrees ter visit 'is muvver, and manages ter keep 'imself politely quiet for the bloody first few minutes. Wen she is wanderin' 'round and ramblin' incoherently about wot she's cookin' for 'im, Sean spots a pack of random pills (for 'is muvver's mental illness, probably) in an ashtray and takes a few. I'll get out me spoons. He is vacant for a wile then just falls asleep/passes out on the sofa, do wot guvnor! Mad Jean lets 'im lie there, right, and covers 'im wiv a blanket wen 'e don't wake up [he does 'ave a look like 'e is breabugger, right, probably not dead]. Jase is runnin' 'round in a blind panic, right, askin' blokes if they 'ave seen Jay, right, and then 'e goes 'ome is despair, to find Jay 'as just got back, right, and Terry is drivin' off, init?Jay can't believe the hysterical reaction, right, and explains the bloke said 'e were a mate of Jase.

Friday 2 November 2007

2008-02-03T09:32:00.000Z

Ronnie and Jack go loaf of bread to loaf of bread in a game of poker and large sums of cash are at stake. The game begins and Ronnie wins the openin' round, right, but Jack feels as fough she 'as played 'im for a fool. I'll get out me spoons. Jack (wearin' 'is nice dark grey whistle and flute again today) is stayin' wiv Max, 'oo apologises for 'is behaviour yesterday. Max is affectionate ter Tanya 'oo, ironically, jokingly asks if 'e's feelin' guilty. Ronnie is (acely) practisin' dealin' cards. She tells Roxy ter make sure Peggy goes out tonight and then they need ter get 4 grand ter gamble and cop enough ter pay off Peggy's debt. She goes ter the bleedin' Post Office, where Jack is tellin' Shabnam that 'e gave 'er twenty and she 'as short-changed 'im. She protests, but 'er muvver just gives 'im some brass. She argues wen 'e 'as gone, and says 'e gave 'er ten and she stick it in the till, and 'er muvver says sarcastically "wiv the uvver ten pound notes?" and the chuffin' only note in the till is a 20. [We didn't spot wot she gave 'im as 'is change.] Ronnie follows Jack out of the Post Office, right, and 'e again repeats that it will be easy takin' brass off 'er if she can't tell if 'e were bein' 'onest in there. She says 'e needs a right good slap, and 'e says 'e finks she likes 'im right. She denies it and 'e points out she is still followin' 'im 'round. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Shabnam leaves, right, to wine ter Carly that she is sleepwalkin' in the bloody Post Office Uncle Bob and wants ter quit but 'er muvver won't let 'er. Wen she tries to, right, she is persuaded ter take an evenin' course in business instead. Jack goes ter invite Patrick ter join the bloomin' poker game, and Patrick is busy, right, but Pat overhears 'is sexist comment about some fings are Mae West left ter men, do wot guvnor! Pat says Jack Brannin', right, ain't it, then, luv? If yer want anuvver player, count me in. Cor blimey guv! Jean is still stayin' at Charlie's, and needles Sean, sayin' that she were 'ave a lookin' forward ter spendin' the bleedin' day wiv 'er boy, right, but 'e 'ad that 'ave a look yesterday, "man wiv a mission", and 'e clearly 'as sumfink on 'is mind, but it's just us now; Stacey is married, right, just me and me boy. Sean desperately needs ter get out. Jean and Dot chat, and Jean says Sean is avoidin' 'er and Dot says sons are sometimes difficult, like 'er Nick, right, he were misunderstood, but then 'e 'ad uvver Barney Rubble, wiv the lor, init?Jean suggests ASBO, petty fievin', then, eh, mate? Dot replies, no drugs and murder mostly, but 'e is gone now. Dot says she should rabbit and pork ter Sean wile she can, there are still fings she wishes she said ter Nick. Sean spots Max and Tanya ball of chalk past in the park. He says sarcastically "happy families". They discuss yesterday and Sean says Max is lucky, right, a bit of Dads don't cop on wiv their daughters in lor, not right good enough for their sons, right, and all that, but yer like us Stacey don't yer, then, eh, guv? Max says defensively "yea". Tanya asks for a coffee and rabbit and porks ter Sean alone wile Max gets it. Sean says Max is attentive. Tanya starts on about wot 'e said at the chuffin' weddin' and 'e says it's not about that, not wen I know wot 'e... Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Tanya tells 'im ter spit it out, right, how bad can it be, isit?He is soooo tempted, right, but bites 'is tongue, and she says she fought so: grow up, right, Sean. He sulks and Jean calls 'im, and 'e ignores 'er, do wot guvnor! Jack arrives and spots Peggy leavin'. Roxy 'as bribed Shirley ter work wiv double pay, but she finds out it's a poker game and she says she agreed before she knew 'ow much they needed 'er ter work. She asks Roxy for 200 quid, and they agree on 75, right, but only if Ronnie wins, init?In the bar, right, Jack tells Dot that 'e will come wiv Dot ter visit Jim tomorrow, and she asks 'im ter stay, right, and 'e says Max will object, right, and Dot says 'e can stay at 'ers wile Bradley and Stacey are oray. Roxy is pourin' the drinks. Max and Pat are the uvver players in the game. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Ronnie is dressed like a croupier and announces 5-card dror, right, ten pound minimum bet. Pat deals. Max folds and Jack taunts 'im, and Max says 'e's messing a long game. Ronnie wins the first 'and and Jack says patronisingly "'oo's a lucky girl then?" Pat points out she beat 'im. Then Jack wins five 'ands in a row, right, and they take a break. Max and Pat smoke togeffer and Pat asks if there is sumfink gahn on. Jack flirts wiv Ronnie. Roxy asks 'er woss up and Ronnie is obviously doin' it deliberately. Pat reconvenes, right, soundin' incredibly like the dealer in some ole Western poker game. Right. Jack wins a big 'and against Max, 'oo is right surprised and a bit suspicious. Jack is copping right cocky and 'e flirts wiv Ronnie, right, sayin' pointedly that if they carry on like this, they will all be in bed early. Roxy and Ronnie wisper in 'e kitchen, Ronnie says 'e is 100% cheatin', wiv the bloomin' cards she dealt 'erself (she is cheatin' too) she should 'ave won the last two 'ands, so 'e must 'ave cheated. So, she 'as a plan - 'e is sly, but she knows, and she is too. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. She pours 'erself a large drink, and acts slightly drunk, right, and raises the chuffin' stakes, init?He says couple of 'undred, then, mate? She gets out fousands, right, and says she were finkin' more of this. Max and Pat drop out. £1,500 goes on the table on a reasonable first deal. They cop a few cards each and Ronnie 'as 4 9s (wich she knows 'e knows she 'as) and Jack 'as 4 3s. Anuvver few fousand is put on the table. Evry geezer in the bleedin' bar 'ears about the bettin' and goes ter wotch. Roxy shakes 'er loaf of bread minutely at Ronnie and Jack spots 'er do this. Ronnie bets all 'er brass, and Peggy arrives 'ome just in time. Peggy says that's their brass, and tries ter grab it, and Jack puts the mockers on 'er 'and, right, sayin' the brass's on the table. I'll get out me spoons. He puts dahn 4 (cheatin') jacks, right, and Ronnie puts dahn 4 (cheatin') kings. A puzzled frown crosses Jack's Nanny Goat Race. The game is over. Cor blimey guv! He asks 'er ter play again some time: that were fun. He leans right close ter her as 'e says goodbye. Peggy is delighted and Roxy says Jack is sexy. Jean leaves Sean a message that she's gahn hammer and tack to 'er 'ome, right, and 'e goes hammer and tack home. He finds 'er there, right, and is furious that she lied. He frows 'er bags out and shouts wildly at 'er ter leave. She wails that she just wants ter talk, right, she fought... He says nastily, "don't fink - yer ain't got the bloomin' equipment." 'e wotches 'er cross the square and she is jostled by a group of yobs, one of 'oom knocks 'er over, init?Sean is there in seconds, right, grabbin' the bloke and then 'e goes completely bonkers and 'olds 'im dahn, tellin' 'im that 'e shouldn't scare ruddy ladies, and as 'e yells at 'im madly, rantin' that causin' unnecessary pain and sufferin' is 'is specialty. Jean screams at 'im ter put the mockers on. He walks off wivout doin' any real damage ter the bleedin' lad, right, alffough it 'ave a looked like a close call

Fursday 1 November 2007 (Double Episode)

2008-02-03T09:31:00.000Z

Bradley and Stacey's big day finally arrives, but, right, wen Sean confronts Stacey about 'er affair wiv Max, she tells 'im that it's over and that she luvs Bradley. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Roxy rabbit and porks ter Jack about 'is feelings for Ronnie. It's Bradley and Stacey's weddin' day, init? Lauren is runnin' 'round wiv the weddin' video camera and Max shouts at 'er that she's got a responsible Uncle Bob and not ter film 'im copping drunk first fin' in the mornin' (he 'as a large drink in 'is 'and). Jack makes sarcastic comments ter Max about bein' the chuffin' head of the family. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? He leaves and Tanya says 'e were sposed ter check the bleedin' Vic caterin'. Jack offers ter do it for 'er, and goes and flirts wiv Ronnie. [He's wearin' a right nice dark grey whistle and flute today.] She asks 'im if 'e is there ter call off the poker game tonight. She takes 4,000 pounds from the bloody brass they got from Damien wich they're about ter use ter pay off some of Peggy's debts. Sean is sulky and Charlie asks why 'e ain't ready. He asks Stacey if she 'as any last minute doubts. Stacey tells 'im ter sort 'imself out, right, he is givin' 'er oray. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Jean asks 'im wich of these 'ats will make 'er 'ave a look prettiest. He replies "try a paper bag". He goes ter the bleedin' Vic and asks for a double wisky and wen refused, takes a champagne bottle from the bleedin' reception stash. Lauren is bein' annoyin' wiv the weddin' camera, do wot guvnor! Stacey asks 'er not ter stick it in 'er Nanny Goat Race, and goes up the apples and pears ter let Tanya cop her ready. Cor blimey guv! Lauren pours 'erself a drink (alcoholic) and says if Abi tells she will kill 'er gerbil. Cor blimey guv! Sean arrives, 'ave a looks at 'er drink and says "snap. Tanya appears and 'e says 'e's 'ave a lookin' for Max, and says Tanya 'ave a looks luvly. She tells 'im not ter start, and 'e's gone ter see Bradley. At Dot's, right, Bradley is right nervous and says 'e can't believe Stacey right luvs 'im, and Max reassures 'im, right, ravver 'alf-heartedly. Bradley is wearin' an 'orribly girly light lilac waistcoat and cravat. Sean arrives and says 'e needs a word, right, and walks Max oray from the bloomin' front door, right, sayin' over there. He grabs Max and frows 'im dahn and says 'e knows about 'im and Stacey. He smashes the chuffin' bottle 'e took and freatens Max wiv the smashed bottle end, init?Max denies it, right, and 'e says 'e 'eard Max goin' on, and Max says it were one time, Stacey were drunk, right, that's all, right, don't mean anyfink, right, don't blame Stacey. Sean says 'e don't, he blames 'im, and 'e were the married man she were all cut up about, do wot guvnor! Sean punches Max in the bloomin' stomach, and Max babbles some more. Sean says let's spot wot Tanya and Bradley fink about it, do wot guvnor! Max says let's not 'urt any fairy else, it were a drunken flin', right, over and done in a couple of days. Sean says funny, right, he just said it were only once. Rachel asks Bradley where 'is favver is - probably 'avin' it oray wiv the bloomin' bridesmaids, she expects. Bradley points out that they are 'is daughters! Lauren can't be bovvered ter do the video and just leaves the bloomin' camera on in the bedroom where Stacey is gonna be copping ready, and dashes out as Tanya comes in ter do 'er make-up. Sean and a dishevelled Max arrive at Charlie's and shout for Stacey. She is still at Tanya's, but realises she forgot the bleedin' rin'. She goes ter get it, right, and arrives ter see Sean and Max. Sean says "me and Jerry 'ere..." Max interrupts again and says it were only once. Sean asks Stacey if that it true, right, and she is right 'onest wiv 'im, sayin' it went on for 6 or 7 monffs. Sean says angrily, "wiv 'im, then, eh, guv? I mean, right, 'ave a look at yer, and 'ave a look at 'im! Honest guv!" [yes, right, wot we've all been finkin']. Max says it's been over for monffs, right? Max says Sean is jealous and Sean replies that 'e ain't the one screwin' a teenager wen 'e 'as a pregnant trouble and strife and she is 'is son's fiancee. Max says disloyally that Stacey came on ter him, it weren't 'is fault. Max says Stacey don't want 'im ter ruin 'er weddin' day, Not so bad, she 'as chosen, right, he is a screw up but 'e is tryin' ter change, he 'as a fresh start, new baby. Does Sean right want ter ruin all that, then? Sean says yes, right, and Max accuses 'im of selfishly wantin' Tanya. Stacey takes charge and tells Max ter go and cop Bradley ter the church as 'e is Mae West man. Sean says she is a teenage girl; 'e is nearly 40 - are yer right gahn frough wiv this, then? How can she keep it up, right, do this ter Bradley, right, she is better than that, then, guv? He says she will regret this, right, and wot 'appens wen she spots Max all the time. She says she is doin' it *for* Bradley, right, she don't want ter be the bloody wee slut any more. Stacey says is 'e doin' this ter get 'is 'ands on Tanya, ruin 'er marriage, then, eh? Sean protests it's nuffink ter do wiv that. She says 'e owes 'er, all them years runnin' out, right, leavin' 'er ter deal wiv Mum, this is 'ow 'e pays 'er hammer and tack - just keepin' 'is North and South shut about this one wee fin'. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Now 'e 'as ter choose - 'er or Tanya. Charlie arrives, and Stacey says change of plan, he is givin' 'er oray. She rushes ter get in the cab and leaves Sean standin', right, indecisively. Jack drives Ronnie and family ter the bleedin' church. Sean stands in front of the car and gets in wen it puts the mockers on. Jack accepts it, right, 'ave a lookin' a bit curious, right, and just drives. At the bloody church, they're runnin' 'alf an 'our late, and Tanya tells Lauren ter shoot a bit of video: nuffink too embarrassin'. Lauren realises she left the video camera in the chuffin' bedroom at 'ome. Hazel tells Garry that 'e 'as ter be nice ter Heaffer, right, just for one day. Jack arrives and Max tries ter put the mockers on Sean copping out. Max is pissed off at Jack because 'e 'as brought Sean, and says 'e just wants the weddin' ter be a mess and 'e is fed up wiv Jack's smug Nanny Goat Race all 'is life, and tells 'im ter go. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Sean says ter Tanya, he needs a word, just as evry geezer is told ter go into the church, right? Tanya says ter Max, go on, right, and Sean asks 'er, if she 'ad met 'im before Max, would she 'ave considered 'im. Tanya says 'e 'as issues, and says 'e needs ter sort 'is loaf of bread out, but yes, and she tells 'im ter spruce 'imself up, Stacey 'as just arrived. Sean and Stacey share an intense 'ave a look as she gets out of the car. He asks 'er not ter go frough wiv this. Charlie tells 'im nastily 'e never fails ter disappoint blokes. Sean 'ave a looks right irritated and Jean bliffely asks 'im if 'e's comin' in now. She 'esitates as 'e fails ter reply. Stacey walks in on Charlie's arm, and Max stands behind Bradley. Garry moans about 'ow many 'ymns there are, and Dot says defensively that Bradley personally requested them. Jack drives hammer and tack to the Vic. They singg an 'ymn, durin' wich, Sean comes in and Stacey 'ave a looks at 'im nervously, but 'e goes ter sit dahn. Jean gets up ter do 'er readin', right, The bloomin' Good-Morrow by Donne. She starts right nervously on the chuffin' unfamiliar ole English, but she manages ter sort it out reasonably. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? The vicar goes on about sexual union (!) and then asks if any fairy 'as any legal objections. Wen 'e asks if they 'ave any reason that they may not lorfully marry, they must declare it now, Sean gets up and stares at Stacey angrily and 'ave a looks upset and furious, right, and then walks out. Tanya 'ave a looks at 'im, do wot guvnor! Stacey 'as ter make 'er vows ter be faiffful and 'ave a looks at Bradley, right, wiv Max directly behind 'im, and she keeps 'ave a lookin' at Max and she runs oray ter the vestry. Bradley follows 'er and Tanya tells Max ter go and sort it out. Meanwile, right, Stacey is tellin' Bradley she can't lie ter him: she 'as done fings that will come between them in future. She says she ain't the girl 'e finks she is. She says does 'e right want secrets between them, isit?He says yes, right, all 'e wants is 'er ter be 'is trouble and strife. He says 'e don't want ter know it, he don't care, right, he knows she will grow ter luv 'im, he promises, do wot guvnor! Max tells 'er ter keep quiet if that's wot Bradley wants. He tells them ter make their minds up - just do it, or if not, just forget it. Tanya goes out ter talk ter Sean, and says 'e wrecked 'er weddin'. He says 'e didn't, right, he could 'ave, but didn't. Tanya says she luvs 'er and cares about wot 'e finks. Tanya asks 'im ter go and sort Stacey out before she makes a big mistake. Sean goes in and Bradley shouts at 'im that it is 'is fault. Sean says 'e wants ter talk ter her. Max drags Bradley out, right, and says let 'im rabbit and pork. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Sean tells Stacey that wotever she wants is not so bad, she's right, he owes 'er - and Bradley, right, it's 'er decision, it's up ter her. They finish the bloomin' ceremony and Bradley kisses the bride. Max 'ave a looks sulky. Jack 'as gone hammer and tack to the bloomin' Vic and Roxy chats ter him, askin' if "so, do yer wanna bang me sister or wot?" [Charmin' girl.] She tells 'im that 'er sister likes 'im, right, and Roxy says she wants ter make sure 'e ain't gonna 'urt Ronnie. She says 'e never answers a straight question, and 'e says 'e's a cop. Sean stands 'round outside moodily 'ave a lookin' at the bloomin' Vic. Inside, Peggy asks Jack where 'e went, and 'e says Max will explain - sumfink about bein' outshone. Wen Stacey comes in, evry geezer cheers, and Jack kisses 'er cheek and quickly wispers sumfink (not flirtatious) in 'er ear. Jack offers ter help Peggy wen a barrel goes, and flirts wiv Ronnie, sayin' that yer need ter be a right good liar ter play poker. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? She reads 'im right, on an 'eads or tails lie. He asks if she is, and 'e takes 'er 'and and puts 'is fingers on 'er pulse and asks 'er a few questions, favourite colour, etc, and then weffer she fancies 'im, then, guv? There's some debate about weffer she is lyin' or not. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. He smiles as she walks off. At the bloomin' Vic, the speeches are mundane, right? Charlie's is tearful. Max tells a Mae West man story about 5-year-old Bradley bein' a sweet and considerate kid, and adds that 'e's sorry, for bein' probably the bloomin' worst Dad there's ever been and 'e will try ter make it up ter him. O'course Stacey is the only one 'oo actually understands that point of the speech. Max says Bradley and Stacey 'ave only about 10 minutes before they 'ave ter leave for their flight. Sean walks in ter talk ter Max and says, chillingly, if Max touches 'is sister again, even 'ave a looks at 'er, he is dead. Stacey goes ter get changed and Bradley does the same, as their flights are soon. Max sneaks in on Stacey and offers ter help 'er take off 'er weddin' dress! Honest guv! The video camera [possibly wiv magic never-failin' batteries] is still 'idden where Lauren left it, probably tapin' all of this, o'course. Max unzips 'er dress and says 'e still luvs 'er, and tries repeatedly askin' if she is sure she made the right choice, right, and 'e kisses 'er. She pushes 'im oray after a few damnin' seconds, and says she is sure. He says sorry, right, tearfully, right, and says 'e 'as a beautiful trouble and strife, but 'e can't 'elp finkin' if they could just [have sex] just one more time. She says no, never gonna 'appen. Max says wot, does she fink this won't ever come out, then, guv? Stacey says yea, right, she is married now, right, it's all over, right, and wot does 'e want, then, eh? She says she nearly told Bradley today, it nearly killed 'er, right, him trustin' 'er, right, not knowin' wot a dirty sneaky wee 'oore she is. [Great line for the weddin' video]. Bradley is the bloomin' Mae West fink that 'appened ter her, and wen she's ole she won't fink about a quick fumble on 'is ole lady's bed, that is nuffink. She says she 'as feelings for Max, but maybe 'e could be 'er mucker one day: we did a bad fin', but moved on. Max asks wot about Bradley's failings, right, and she says no-one's perfect. She rushes off [dress magically re-zipped] because she is late, right, and Bradley is wonderin' where she is, and askin' for the video camera. Lauren says oh, right, and runs ter get it, right, where it is still recordin', from the shelf in the bloomin' bedroom, init? They cop in the bleedin' car, and Sean tells Stacey good luck and 'ugs 'er goodbye.

Oct 2007

2007-09-17T20:22:00.000+01:00

Monday 1 October 2007 The bloomin' atmosphere between Bradley and Max is still tense, in this week's first visit ter Albert Square. Will Max change 'is mind about becomin' Mae West man, then, luv? Meanwile, Jane asks a surprise visitor ter leave and Roxy is in charge of the bloody Vic for the bloomin' day – but will she cope? Tuesday 2 October 2007 Sean continues ter taunt Deano, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, Tanya is steamin' ahead wiv the weddin' plans, do wot guvnor! Meanwile, the bobbies inform Jane that they 'ave found Ian's car but that there's no sign of 'im. Fursday 4 October 2007 Kevin is shocked wen 'e realises Deano 'as run oray, right, but can 'e put the mockers on Denise and Chelsea gonna the chuffin' bobbies, isit? Jane, meanwile, beats 'erself up over Ian's disappearance, right, and Yolande receives a pleasant surprise. Friday 5 October 2007 In an attempt ter find Deano, right, Sean finally tracks dahn Carly by freatenin' Dorn. Elsewhere, Chelsea and the family are still fraught wiv nerves. I'll get out me spoons. Meanwile, right, the chuffin' new arrival shocks Jane...

Sep 2007

2007-09-17T20:20:00.000+01:00

Monday 3 September 2007 Kevin agonises over wot ter do wiv the chuffin' CCTV tape – will 'e incriminate 'is own family, then, guv? Ronnie and Roxy, meanwile, worry that they may 'ave outstayed their welcome at The bloomin' Vic. Elsewhere, Ian lashes out at Craig after findin' that 'is daughter 'as skipped school ter be wiv 'im. Tuesday 4 September 2007 Gus and Mickey cop confused over new girlmates. Elsewhere, Peggy is dahn about Phil, 'oo's still missin'. Ronnie and Roxy 'ave outstayed their welcome – will this be the chuffin' end of their time at the Vic? Meanwile, Lucy bribes Deano, right, sayin' she knows about 'is and Chelsea's lies, but will 'e succumb ter her demands, then, squire? Fursday 6 September 2007 Peggy tries ter keep Ben oray from Phil 'oo is on the search for some alcohol, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Lucy, right, meanwile, runs oray wiv Craig – but will she regret 'er decision, eh, luv? Denise later returns and organises an interview for 'er two 'eroes and 'opes that it runs smooffly. Friday 7 September 2007 Chelsea and Deano are in 'ot water wen they are questioned at the bobbies station. New evidence 'as appeared wich casts doubt over their statements. Meanwile, Lucy suggests a plan ter get brass for 'er and Craig's getoray. Elsewhere, Phil's life wiv 'is family is spirallin' out of control as Peggy puts the mockers on 'im seein' Ben. Monday 10 September 2007 Kevin is wracked wiv guilt as 'e 'asn't dared tell 'is ole lady, right, Denise, about 'is involvement wiv the bloody CCTV tape. Meanwile, tensions run 'igh between Denise and 'er daughter, Chelsea. Elsewhere, Ian starts receivin' deaff freats but 'as no idea 'oo they are from. Peggy gives Phil an ultimatum. Tuesday 11 September 2007 Lucy admits ter Peter that she's gonna meet their muvver, right, Cindy, and soon it is a race against time as Ian races off after 'er ter get ter the bloomin' bottom of 'oo is behind this ruse. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Surely Cindy is dead? Meanwile, right, Phil's hammer and tack on the booze, right, and Chelsea fears for 'er life now that Sean is out of prison. Later, Sean breaks into their 'ouse and looms over 'er bed... Fursday 13 September 2007 Chelsea wakes up after a bad night ter discover that 'er 'air 'as been cut off, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Elsewhere, Phil orakes at Shirley's followin' an 'eavy night on the chuffin' bottle. But, wiv Ben due hammer and tack later, will Phil cop to spot his son? Ian, meanwile, right, is determined ter get ter the bottom of Lucy's emails and find out 'oo is sendin' them. But, wen 'e later smells Cindy's perfume waftin' frough the bloomin' house, even 'e begins ter doubt 'is own sanity. Friday 14 September 2007 Ian is still on the chuffin' trail of wot it is that's 'auntin' 'im, do wot guvnor! Surely there must be a rational answer, eh, squire? Then, Jane receives a shockin' letter. Phil, meanwile, starts drinkin' again and Peggy is furious. Right. Elsewhere, Jase tries ter be a good favver. Cor blimey guv! Monday 17 September 2007 Deano tries ter run oray from Walford, but is fwarted by Kevin. Elsewhere, Ian's paranoia increases wen 'e receives an ominous gift. Meanwile, right, Phil's relationship wiv Peggy and Ben returns ter normal; and, despite makin' efforts wiv Jase, Billy makes a shockin' discoright about 'is past. Tuesday 18 September 2007 Ian becomes increasingly paranoid about the messages 'e is receivin' from "beyond the grave". He sets up surveillance ter try ter find out 'oo is messing this sick prank on 'im and is devastated wen 'e discovers that it could be some bloke close ter home. Elsewhere, right, Kevin plans ter run oray wiv Deano but is wracked wiv guilt about lyin' ter Denise. He turns ter Phil for 'elp but needs ter find £2,000 ter pay the solicitor. Meanwile, right, Phil returns ter Albert Square and ain't pleased ter find Roxy and Ronnie so settled at the Vic. Fursday 20 September 2007 Kevin leaves Walford wiv Deano – but is runnin' oray the answer? Meanwile, Ian is deeply suspicious of 'is trouble and strife, Jane – surely she can't be behind the messages and deliveries? Elsewhere in the bleedin' Square, right, Billy knows the truff about Jase. Right. Friday 21 September 2007 Ian reads a text message from Cindy 'oo claims she wants ter meet 'im at the park, promptin' 'im ter head there. Meanwile, Jay is spotted by two bobbies officers wilst carvin' the word "liar" into a bus put the mockers on wiv a penknife. Monday 24 September 2007 Jane fumes as Ian's disappearance is noted on the bloody Square. Shirley encounters brass Barney Rubbles, right, and Stacey dreads a visit from Jean. Tuesday 25 September 2007 Speculation over Ian's disappearance spreads frough the bloody Square. Shirley is forced ter consider desperate measures ter pay the bleedin' rent as Jean's involvement in the weddin' continues ter antagonise Stacey. Fursday 27 September 2007 As 'eaffer uncovers a terrible 'ome truff, Jane faces up ter the fact that Ian might be gone for good. Meanwile, to Stacey's dismay, right, Bradley decides on 'is Mae West man. Friday 28 September 2007 Jane receives support from a stranger, right, but is 'e all 'e seems? Heaffer makes an important stand, and Jase comes under pressure ter return Roxy's ringg.

Aug 2007

2007-09-17T20:18:00.000+01:00

Fursday 2 August 2007 Tanya feels guilty about the Barney Rubble 'er sister Rainie is in and offers 'er 'elp, but she later finds 'er in a compromisin' position, as life in Albert Square continues. Lucy, meanwile, discovers that Jane 'as read 'er diary, right, and Ian is later devastated by wot 'e reads. Elsewhere, Ronnie and Roxy sneak into the Beales' ter nick hammer and tack the bloomin' Queen Victoria nick from Ian, only ter get caught overhearin' Ian's amorous actions wiv Jane. I'll get out me spoons. Friday 3 August 2007 Tanya offers Rainie an ultimatum but is upset by 'er decision, in this week's last visit ter Albert Square. Meanwile, right, the Mitchells and Beales reach a truce, right, but 'ow long will it last? Elsewhere, Lucy seeks comfort in Craig followin' 'er nick-up wiv Ian and Jane, right, and they go in search of alcohol. Later, right, Craig 'ides sumfink sinister in 'is car. Monday 6 August 2007 Ian is proud of Lucy workin' for the bleedin' family business but is oblivious ter Lucy and Craig's flirtin' and dangerous game of dare. Charlie, right, meanwile, right, tells Sean ter pack 'is bags after findin' out from Yolande about 'is recent antics. Sean is furious and Carly's efforts ter comfort 'im 'ave minimal effect. Patrick is alone in the Minute Mart, stackin' shelves, wen 'e is struck from behind by some bloke wieldin' a monkey wrench. He falls ter the bloomin' floor wiv blood oozin' from 'is 'ead, do wot guvnor! Tuesday 7 August 2007 Yolande is unorare Patrick 'as been attacked as she drowns 'er sorrows wiv Denise in Fargo's. Right. Chelsea and Deano, right, meanwile, agree ter give a statement ter the bobbies sayin' that they seen Patrick's attacker – Sean. The bobbies 'unt for Sean followin' the chuffin' tip-off, but 'e is nowhere ter be found. Fursday 9 August 2007 Yolande is grieved ter hear that Patrick may 'ave permanent Michael Caine damage, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. Meanwile, Deano is 'avin' regrets about 'is and Chelsea's decision ter blame Sean for the chuffin' attack on Patrick. However, Chelsea tries ter convince 'im that they did the bleedin' right fin'. Elsewhere, right, Sean finds 'imself trapped in the Square, wiv the chuffin' bobbies closin' in. He seeks refuge in the chuffin' Vic's cellar, but is soon spotted by the officers. Friday 10 August 2007 Stacey, insistin' Sean is innocent, heads ter the bobbies station ter divulge Sean and Chelsea's 'istory in an attempt ter provide a reason as ter why there may be malicious intent behind Chelsea's allegation, right, in this week's final visit ter Albert Square. Sean, meanwile, has ter confess wot right 'appened, right, because CCTV footage shows 'im leavin' dahn a hammer and tack alley wearin' a shirt 'e no longer 'as on. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? He spots Chelsea and Deano at the bloomin' bobbies station and knows they've stitched 'im up, init? Monday 13 August 2007 The bobbies 'unt for the bloody shirt Sean were wearin' on the bloomin' night Patrick were attacked. Wivout sufficient evidence, right, Sean could ball of chalk oray a free man. Tanya is rushed ter hospital after a sudden illness and is concerned about 'er baby. Patrick, meanwile, is still in 'ospital - it's doubtful 'e will pull frough. Tuesday 14 August 2007 Ian panics wen 'e finds that Craig and Lucy 'ave slipped out from 'is knees-up. Meanwile, right, Carly worries about wot ter do wiv Sean's blood-stained shirt; and Patrick leaves the hospital after bein' given the all-clear. Fursday 16 August 2007 Max drives Ian in 'is car and the hunt is on ter find Craig before 'e and Lucy become too intimate. Meanwile, right, a deliright man in the bloomin' Vic deceives Roxy. But 'ow will Ronnie react, and will they end up in financial Barney Rubble? Later, Carly, right, causes a stir in the bloody Vic and quizzes Deano as ter weffer 'e is tellin' the truff about Sean. Friday 17 August 2007 Ian, right, still fumin' about Craig and Lucy's shenanigans, finds a solution ter gettin' rid of Craig from Lucy's life. However, despite 'is plans, right, this may not be the chuffin' end of Craig and Lucy's liaisons. Meanwile, Ronnie and Roxy attempt ter raise some brass ter make up for Roxy's blunder last night. Elsewhere, right, Deano decides that 'e won't lie any more as 'e don't want ter upset Carly Monday 20 August 2007 Garry and Dorn decide ter take baby Summer on a trip ter Brighton, in this week's first visit ter Albert Square. Heaffer's obsession wiv Garry, meanwile, hits new 'eights as she follows 'im dahn ter Brighton, aided by Shirley and an unwillin' Pat. Along the way, however, an angry Pat is left behind at the chuffin' service station. Tuesday 21 August 2007 Heaffer is left 'eartbroken after Shirley tries ter let 'er dahn gently, but Garry ain't interested. Garry wants ter reveal 'is undyin' luv ter Dorn. However, he fails ter achieve this wen 'e finds Dorn in a compromisin' position wiv anuvver man. Later, Garry needs a mate ter talk to, right, but will 'e be pleased ter find out exactly wot Minty's Italian cookery lessons right involve? Fursday 23 August 2007 Pat visits the bloomin' asylum ter find out more about 'er sister, right, Joan, right, in tonight's visit ter Albert Square. However, right, the asylum 'as closed dahn but Pat will go ter any lengffs ter retrieve anyfink that belongs ter her sister. Heaffer and Shirley, right, meanwile, go knees-upin' in Brighton and 'eaffer receives some attention in a boozer - but will she be able ter grow out Garry? Friday 24 August 2007 Pat learns some surprisin' news about 'er sister, right, Joan, in the bleedin' last of this week's visits ter Albert Square. Meanwile, Garry feels that 'e, Dorn and Summer are a perfect wee family, so 'e proposes ter Dorn. Wot will be 'er reaction, eh? Minty reveals ter Garry that 'is and 'eaffer's affection for each uvver runs quite deep – but Garry becomes angry and punches Minty. Monday 27 August 2007 It is the Albert Square Fun Day and Patrick goes hammer and tack to work for the first time since the attack. Ian and Peter lose out ter Jase and Jay in the favver-and-son race. Meanwile, Roxy receives a text message from 'er fiancé, right, Damian, right, wich she ignores, but Damian turns up, right, unannounced. Elsewhere, Jean turns up on the bloomin' Square and is told by Yolande about Sean's attack on Patrick, do wot guvnor! Tuesday 28 August 2007 A search gets under way in tonight's visit ter Albert Square as Patrick is still missin'. Elsewhere, right, Ian's fish 'as gone off and is makin' 'is customers sick. Roxy packs 'er bags ter leave for Ibiza wiv fiancé Damien. Ronnie will do anyfink ter help 'er sister and 'otches a plan ter keep Roxy in Walford – will Damien fall for it? Deano, meanwile, regrets speakin' out against Sean, right, as Sean plots 'is revenge from behind bars. Fursday 30 August 2007 In tonight's visit ter Albert Square, it becomes apparent fings 'ave never been worse between Ian and 'is daughter, Lucy. Elsewhere, Carly is eagerly oraitin' Deano's return from 'ospital followin' the chuffin' attack, but wen Deano returns ter the Square, he and Chelsea fear for their lives, do wot guvnor! Friday 31 August 2007 Ian fails in 'is attempt ter send Lucy ter boardin' school, in this week's final visit ter Albert Square. In the chuffin' meantime, the crucial tape that will 'elp ter identify Patrick's attacker 'as been nicked from Chelsea. Gus recovers it and 'ands it over ter Kevin 'oo views it and spots 'oo the bloody attacker is. Later, Lucy 'as a secret meetin' wiv some bloke in the park.

July 2007

2007-09-17T20:17:00.000+01:00

Monday 2 July 2007 It's the grand re-openin' of The Vic and Peggy 'as laid on a spread ter entice the punters, right, as life in Albert Square continues. Bradley is excited about 'is promotion, right, but is too scared ter tell Stacey it means a permanent move ter Paris, right? To soften the bloody blow, right, he suggests a romantic weekend in Paris but Dot lets slip about Bradley's relocation. Stacey later confronts Bradley about 'is deceit, right, and 'e 'as a decision ter make. Dorn, meanwile, is not takin' ter muvverhood well and the locals are surprised by 'er knees-upin'. She confides in Garry about 'er feelings, right, and 'e tries 'is 'ardest ter reassure 'er she is a great mum. Elsewhere, Stella is upset that Ben ain't comin' 'ome from camp early and quietly enters 'is room ter smash up 'is toys. Tuesday 3 July 2007 Bradley and Stacey 'ave a big decision ter make, but Bradley 'as a plan up 'is sleeve ter convince 'er ter join 'im in Paris. Phil advertises "Happy 'our" in The Vic, but don't fink it will 'elp boost numbers. The punters are all buyin' booze from The Vic, but takin' it elsewhere and Peggy suspects that Pat is behind it. Meanwile, right, Stella calls Ben wen she is upset, right, but she appears ter be speakin' ter the bloomin' talkin' clock. Elsewhere, Ian and Jane are secretly plannin' sumfink, but Pat guesses wot they are up ter and makes a startlin' discoright about Jane. Fursday 5 July 2007 Carly and Chelsea boff lie ter each uvver about where they spent the night. Meanwile, right, Jane's past cotches up wiv 'er and she is forced ter tell Ian the bleedin' truff. After an 'eart-to-heart, right, Ian pops the question and suggests they cop married straightoray. Elsewhere, right, Peggy is furious that Pat is nickin' business and is determined ter get 'er own hammer and tack by involvin' the bobbies. Bradley plans ter propose ter Stacey. After a disastrous dinner, he finally manages ter ask 'er, right, just as she notices Max's silhouette drorin' the curtains at No, do wot guvnor! 5. Friday 6 July 2007 Bradley's proposal is 'angin' in the air and 'e makes it clear ter Stacey that if she says no, he will ball of chalk oray for ever. Meanwile, the Brannings are hammer and tack in the Square wiv Abi keen ter see 'er guinea pig and Max even keener ter see Stacey. He makes 'is excuses ter Tanya and visits Stacey, tellin' 'er 'ow much 'e 'as missed 'er. After Max treated 'er so badly, Stacey retaliates the only way she knows best. Monday 9 July 2007 The bleedin' Square finds out about Bradley and Stacey’s engagement. Carly and Sean cop closer. And Max makes an under-hand suggestion ter Stacey Tuesday 10 July 2007 It’s Stella’s 'en and Phil’s stag knees-up but neever go accordin' ter plan. Stella ends up alone and in tears. And Phil ends up spendin' the night at Shirley’s... Fursday 12 July 2007 Deano seeks revenge on Sean. Wellard goes missin'. And Phil is unsure about marryin' Stella. Friday 13 July 2007 Ben returns. Mickey is bein' blackmailed. And Max unknowingly asks out one of Tanya’s colleagues. Monday 16 July 2007 Yung Lauren is changin' into a bint and mum Tanya is 'elpin' 'er make the necessary adjustments in 'er life. Abi is confused and she and Ben take drastic action ter escape wot they fink is 'appenin'. Patrick is flustered about Yolande’s return ter the bleedin' Square and enlists Peggy’s 'elp ter get 'is 'ouse in order. But wot will Peggy want in return? Zainab Masood, owner of the Post Office comes ter pay a visit and Denise sets ter impress 'er, ffinkin' a promotion is on the cards. Meanwile, Gus discovers Wellard 'as been kidnapped. Tuesday 17 July 2007 Abi and Ben’s plan ter runoray backfires and Ben is once again in the bleedin' clutches of Stella. Denise is dreadin' gonna work after bein' caught bad-North and Southin' Zainab and is worried if it will affect 'er chances of promotion. She is furffer annoyed wen Zainab asks Denise ter train 'er daughter, right, Shabnam but reluctantly agrees Meanwile, Yolnade makes Patrick work 'ard for 'er affections and Wellard’s kidnapper is revealed. Fursday 19 July 2007 It’s the day of Phil and Stella’s weddin' and time is runnin' out for Ben ter tell Phil wot Stellan 'as been doin' ter him. Abi tries ter convince 'im ter speak up, but is 'e brave enough? Gus worries wen 'e 'ears a dead animal 'as been found on the bleedin' road, but Wellard’s kidnapper is 'idin' 'im in a shed. Meanwile, Bert is shocked ter bump into Jase, Jay’s dad. Friday 20 July 2007 All hell fire breaks loose as Phil learns 'ow Stellan 'as been treatin' Ben. Cor blimey guv! It is the end of the chuffin' road for Stella as she falls ter her deaff. But did she jump, then, eh, luv? Or were she pushed? Meanwile, right, Jay wants answers from 'is dad, Jase. He doesn’t understand why 'e’s been oray for so long and 'as suddenly turned up out of the bleedin' blue. As the bloody two reunite, Jase gets Jay ter return Wellard ter his owner. Monday 23 July 2007 Ian is blamin' Phil for evryfink and takes 'is frustration out on Lucy wen 'e 'auls 'er up for dressin' like a tart. Meanwile, Bert confides in Pat that 'e is strugglin' 'avin' Jase 'round; 'e's worried that 'e ain't needed any more. Tuesday 24 July 2007 Phil is questioned by the bobbies and Peggy blames 'erself, init?After bein' released, right, he mince pies a bottle of Scotch and pours 'imself a glass. Meanwile, right, Roxy and Ronnie Mitchell arrive in the Square ter congratulate their cousin on 'is weddin' day, right, only ter find the atmosphere is less than cheery. Elsewhere, right, Bert packs 'is bags and walks out of Walford. Fursday 26 July 2007 Peggy is glad ter have Roxy and Ronnie over and, right, wen they offer ter cook Ben a family meal and tease Billy, it's just like ole times. Later, Peggy is concerned for Phil wen she finds a Scotch-filled glass. After confrontin' 'im, she slaps 'im 'ard, tellin' 'im ter put the mockers on feelin' sorry for 'imself. Elsewhere, right, Bradley experiments wiv a new 'ave a look ter try ter impress Stacey, right, and Pat is saddened wen she discovers that Kevin and Denise want ter move out. Friday 27 July 2007 Bradley is pleased that fings are gahn well wiv Stacey, but 'er smiles 'ide 'er true feelings, right, in this week's final visit ter Albert Square. Ian, meanwile, is 'avin' Barney Rubble at 'ome and tells the twins they are gonna work for 'im durin' the summer 'olidays, init?He also 'ires Craig ter help out in the chip shop. Elsewhere, right, Peggy plans an 'oliday for 'er, Phil and Ben and leaves Roxy and Ronnie in charge of The bleedin' Vic. Meanwile, right, Jase makes a memorable appearance in the bloomin' launderette and Billy is peeved that 'oney defends 'im, until she finds sumfink shockin' in 'is bag. Monday 30 July 2007 Sean and Mo 'otch a plan ter make brass, right, but Yolande spots wot Sean is up to. Max is becomin' increasingly agitated by Bradley and Stacey's weddin' and Billy is increasingly paranoid about Jase fancyin' 'oney. Meanwile, Ian's attempts at 'ome improvement cause the ceilin' ter fall in and the Beales 'ave ter seek refuge at Max and Tanya's. Tuesday 31 July 2007 Roxy unwittingly starts anuvver feud between the chuffin' Mitchells and the chuffin' Beales. Charlie grows suspicious wen Sean 'ands 'im a wad of cash for 'is rent and is disappointed in Carly wen she later comes ter Sean's defence. Lucy is becomin' a rebel and Jane is 'orrified by wot she discovers in the teenager's diary. Elsewhere, right, Tanya receives a dog and bone call from some bloke from 'er past

June 2007

2007-09-17T20:15:00.000+01:00

Monday 4 June 2007 Carly tries ter warn Chelsea about Sean, right, sayin' 'e's no good, but Chelsea just finks Carly is jealous. Meanwile, right, Bradley lets slip ter Stacey that Max is due hammer and tack tomorrow. Elsewhere, right, Libby calls on Darren at the bloomin' Millers' and 'e breaks the bloody news that Keiff wants them ter move ter Streaffam, but Darren 'as a plan... Tuesday 5 June 2007 Sean makes a play for Carly, but she tells 'im she's not interested, right? She tries ter set up Sean by secretly phonin' Chelsea's mobile number and leavin' the bleedin' dog and bone where Chelsea can 'ear. Meanwile, Dot is plannin' George's christenin' and the bleedin' vicar asks Dot for 'is birff certificate. Elsewhere, Darren is distraught that Keiff is makin' 'im move oray, so 'e decides ter move out and takes a sleepin' bag ter Arffur's bench... Fursday 7 June 2007 Sean asks an upset Stacey if she is still seein' 'er mestery man and offers ter sort fings out for 'er. But she tells 'im it can't be sorted. The vicar, meanwile, right, comes ter pick up the bloody birff certificate from Dot, and she finally admits the truff. She later tries ter buy some fags, but Yolande makes 'er feel guilty and she leaves empty-handed. Elsewhere, right, Sean flirts wiv Carly but she locks 'im in a car. Sean later gets 'is own hammer and tack and locks 'er in the Portakabin. Friday 8 June 2007 Stacey regrets sleepin' wiv Deano, but Deano is quite keen and suggests that they could go out togeffer. Elsewhere, Sean unlocks the Portakabin and lets Carly out. But 'e starts rantin' about Deano and Stacey. Monday 11 June 2007 Life at the Millers is copping Rob dahn. May tells Rob she's got 'er notification of decree nisi and then kisses Rob, 'oo's tempted by 'er. Elsewhere, Mo informs Pat that 'er rash is a flea bite. Pat asks Peggy about the fleas but she denies it. Pat then finds a flea on the bleedin' bar. Wen Phil can't understand why Peggy wants ter redecorate, Peggy tells 'im they've got visitors. Tuesday 12 June 2007 Kevin is stunned wen Chelsea informs 'im that Carly slept wiv Sean. Carly apologises and Kevin tells 'er she should stay at Dorn's. Carly berates Shirley for copping involved in 'er life. Elsewhere, Rob goes ter see May and they end up kissin' again. Fursday 14 June 2007 Rob tells Dorn 'e wants ter make a fresh start oray from the Square and oray from May, as the trials and tribulations of life in Walford continue. May drops a bombBow Bell on Dorn and tells 'er she were wiv Rob last night. Dorn later gets in a taxi, right, but Rob chases 'er and asks 'er a question that leaves 'er speechless. Deano, meanwile, tries ter persuade Carly ter join 'im and Shirley for a drink. But Carly 'as a go at Shirley and tells Deano ter wise up about 'er. After Deano tells Shirley 'e's movin' out, a punch-up ensues between Erek, Deano and Shirley. Friday 15 June 2007 Stacey receives a package from Spain wich contains the bloomin' returned present from Max. She 'ides it from Bradley, right, 'oo blurts out that 'e luvs 'er. Stacey, right, however, right, tells 'im 'e deserves better. Elsewhere, Keiff and Mickey are surprised ter learn that Dorn and Rob are gonna stay at Rob's parents and 'ave the baby there. Dorn tells Rob they don't 'ave ter leave if May's gone, but Rob tells 'er 'e's got a Uncle Bob near 'is parents. They arrive at Rob's parent's 'ouse, but Dorn is in shock as all ain't wot it seems... Monday 18 June 2007 A tired Dorn is 'andcuffed ter the bed as May demands ter examine 'er and says that an elective Caesarean will be safer than inducin' the baby, right? Dorn struggles ter get free and begs Rob ter let 'er go. Rob's fears are intensified wen 'e spots May wiv a scalpel, right, but May reassures 'im that after the bleedin' birff, right, Dorn will be reunited wiv 'er family and financially secure. Later, Rob 'ears a bump from up the apples and pears and checks on Dorn. She lashes out, right, knocks 'im unconscious and escapes, right? Will Rob regain consciousness before the bloomin' fight between Dorn and May gets serious? Elsewhere, Phil finds a letter in Ben's school bag about a footie camp trip and is disappointed that 'is son don't want ter go. Desperate ter play 'appy families, Stella presents Ben wiv a brand-new pair of footie boots. Alffough gahn on the bloomin' trip would make Phil right 'appy, right, Ben's uneasy... Tuesday 19 June 2007 Dorn collapses into Keiff's arms and sobs as 'e 'olds 'er tight. Keiff pops out for two minutes and finds Rob standin' in the kitchen. Rob tells a knife-wieldin' Dorn that 'e's sectioned May, right, but a terrified Dorn leaves ter stay at 'er mum's. On the train, right, her stomach cramps are copping worse and the train ain't movin'. Then she realises 'er waters 'ave broken... Carly goes ter see Shirley at 'er flat – she wants ter know about 'er dad. I'll get out me spoons. Carly realises Shirley is lyin' and leaves. Shirley tries ter grab Carly but loses 'er footin' and is nearly run over by Charlie's cab. Shirley 'ave a looks ter Deano, 'oo's witnessed evryfink, right, but 'e turns 'is hammer and tack on 'er and moves oray. Fursday 21 June 2007 Dorn is rushed ter hospital wile Rob turns up at the Millers'. Carly comes ter the door and tells them that Dorn 'as gone into labour. Dorn tells the chuffin' nurse that she don't want a "Rob Minter" bein' allowed in, so Rob stands in the bleedin' corridor, right, 'ad the mockers put on by a security guard. Rob tries ter dog and bone May, right, but she don't answer. The bloomin' midtrouble and strife announces that the bloomin' baby is born wile, right, in the bleedin' hospital car park, right, May sits in 'er car. In the Vic, Sean tells Chelsea ter cheer up, right, but she stalks out. He asks Denise if it were sumfink 'e said, right, and Deano warns Sean that, one day, some bloke is gonna wipe that smug grin right off 'is Nanny Goat Race. Denise fills Pat in about Carly and Shirley scrappin'. Friday 22 June 2007 Rob spots May in the bloomin' hospital car park and tells 'er 'e luvs 'er, and that they should move on. Meanwile, Carly tells Dorn she's gahn 'ome. Later, May comes into the bleedin' ward and says she is Dorn's GP. Phil asks Stella wot she did ter Ben. Stellan 'ides 'er terror and says nuffink. Phil says 'e's changed 'is mind about footie trainin' camp and then arranges it. Ben is relieved and Stella pretends she is excited for 'im. Later, Peggy tells Stella that Yolande will be jealous wen she spots their buffet, but Yolande 'as anuvver idea. Monday 25 June 2007 Bradley plans a romantic meal for Stacey, but concerned wiv the effort 'e is makin', she cancels. Wiv Ben continuin' ter ignore Stella, she pretends ter have a conversation wiv 'im on the dog and bone in front of an impressed Peggy, ffen bangs 'er loaf of bread against the bloomin' wall in frustration once she 'angs up. Meanwile, right, wiv The bleedin' Vic bein' closed for refurbishment, Shirley asks Ian for a Uncle Bob and 'e revels in turnin' 'er dahn. He does 'owever, like 'er plans of livenin' the bloomin' place up… Tuesday 26 June 2007 Stella tells Phil the bleedin' bruise on 'er loaf of bread was due ter a fall and 'e convinces 'er ter cover it up ter put the mockers on blokes jumpin' ter conclusions. She then 'ides 'er weddin' invitations addressed ter her parents. Elsewhere, Sean finds Bradley rummagin' frough Stacey’s room in search for clues about 'er mestery man. Wen she finds out, a distraught Stacey tells Bradley their relationship is over. Shirley organises a karaoke knees-up wich in true Walford style ends up wiv the bleedin' bobbies bein' called… Fursday 28 June 2007 Bradley tells Stacey 'e realises that they ain't meant ter be, but wen she later turns up on 'is doorstep wearin' Vulcan ears, she 'as uvver ideas. Garry wakes ter find 'eaffer sleepin' next ter him. She brags ter Shirley about their night of passion, but Shirley ain't convinced. Rumours are circulatin' that Phil is 'ittin' Stella and 'e goes off in search of 'oo started them. Meanwile, right, Stella leaves a message for 'er parents and Peggy takes a sneak peek at the renovations in The bloomin' Vic and is less than impressed. Elsewhere, right, Mickey is 'eavily tipped by a client wich leads Li ter get suspicious about wot 'is services actually are. Friday 29 June 2007 Stella panics wen Phil tells 'er 'e 'as arranged for them ter visit 'er parents. Will she reveal the secrets of 'er past? Annoyed wiv the bloomin' gossip surroundin' 'er and Bradley, Stacey books an 'oliday for them boff, but wee does she know about Bradley’s new Uncle Bob offer and where it may take 'im. Meanwile, Dot 'as 'er last fag and thanks ter Li, Mickey 'as an unexpected client.

May 2007

2007-09-17T20:13:00.000+01:00

Tuesday 1 May 2007 May's sister visits but May is reluctant ter tell the truff. Elsewhere, Honey 'ave a looks after the chuffin' baby but Dot ain't happy wiv the result. Meanwile, right, Mickey finds out about Li's work plan for 'im and Tanya questions Max about Stacey's dog and bone calls. Fursday 3 May 2007 Stacey babysits for Tanya's children and they 'ave a girly chat. Meanwile, Honey is growin' suspicious about Dot and the baby; and Rob and May 'ave a confrontation in the Vic. Elsewhere, Ian plays a trick on Phil, wich turns on its 'ead, init? Friday 4 May 2007 Ian needs support for 'is campaign against The chuffin' Vic's late openin' 'ours, wile Billy struggles ter cope wen 'e 'ave a looks after two babies. Tanya, right, meanwile, right, secretly confirms 'er appointment wiv an estate agent and tells Stacey, 'oo cannot 'elp but stir fings wiv Max. Monday 7 May 2007 May tears up the divorce papers and gloats over the situation wiv Rob and Dorn's flat. Rob then gets a shock wen 'e tries ter wivdror cash from 'is savings account. Elsewhere, Jane persuades Ian, right, 'oo is sufferin' from gastric flu, to stay at 'ome. Meanwile, Phil can't believe Ian's officious letter askin' 'im ter pay damages for the bloomin' potato incident. Tuesday 8 May 2007 A bobby questions Rob about the fall, but Dorn reassures 'im it were just an accident and that May 'ad nuffink ter do wiv it. Wen May arrives and tries ter apologise, right, Rob kicks 'er out – and she takes some more pills... Elsewhere, right, Max tries ter make peace wiv Stacey. Fursday 10 May 2007 Tanya asks Max if 'e's bought 'er a present and notices a strand of blonde 'air on 'is jacket. May, right, meanwile, lies ter Rob about signin' the divorce papers and later invites 'im round. Friday 11 May 2007 Bradley tells Stacey 'e wants ter talk but, right, wile she's on the dog and bone to Max, Bradley spots some naughty underwear pokin' out from 'er coat pocket. Stacey admits ter Bradley that she 'as fallen for a man 'oo's in 'is firties and lives wiv 'is girlmate... Monday 14 May 2007 Yolande starts ter fret about Libby's new internet luv interest and Dot calls a meetin' between the feudin' families. Elsewhere, May parades 'round the bloody Square wiv 'er black eye before confessin' ter bobbies that Rob 'it 'er. Rob is later nicked on suspicion of causin' actual bodily 'arm. Tuesday 15 May 2007 The Mitchells and Fowlers continue ter argue. At Ben's request they decide that Phil, right, Ian, Ben and Peter will go on a campin' trip and the girls will 'ave a day of pamperin' at Booty. Elsewhere, right, Rob tries ter persuade the bobbies that May is settin' 'im up, but they remain unconvinced. Meanwile, Libby 'as an 'uge shock wen she finally comes Nanny Goat Race ter Nanny Goat Race wiv Einstein27. Fursday 17 May 2007 Phil, right, Billy and Ian arrive at their campsite only for evryfink ter go wrong wiv the campin' equipment – leadin' them ter return ter Walford – but disaster ensues... Meanwile, Stacey gets closer ter Max's children, right, wile Bradley tries ter prise information out of 'er about 'er luvr. Friday 18 May 2007 Phil tries ter take control of the ensuin' situation, but, wen 'e ventures oray from the car wreck, right, he can't cop any reception from 'is mobile. Meanwile, Libby and Darren seal their union wiv a kiss over a game of Scrabble. Monday 21 May 2007 Bradley quizzes Stacey about the man she's seein' after gahn frough 'er text messages, in this week's first visit ter Walford. Elsewhere, Billy tells Phil that the bloody insurance company ain't payin' out for the French Tutor break-in, right, but 'e declines Phil's 'elp. Tuesday 22 May 2007 A worried Dorn confides in Keiff about Rob's temper, but, despite 'er concerns, right, she puts on a great show of togefferness wen they spot May in the bleedin' Square. Meanwile, Naomi confronts May about takin' pills. Elsewhere, Max is worried about wot the traders will fink wen Tanya buys a butcher's hook about pregnancy from a market stall. Fursday 24 May 2007 Max and Tanya wotch the black-and-wite image of the foetus. Later, right, Stacey arranges ter meet up wiv Max. Elsewhere, May spots Naomi in the café and tells 'er ter get out of the bloomin' Square or she will report 'er. Friday 25 May 2007 As Max and Stacey 'ave an 'uge argument, Stacey issues 'im wiv an ultimatum. Monday 28 May 2007 Denise and Kevin return from their 'oneymoon and Libby frets ter Chelsea about Denise discoverin' she were nicked. Meanwile, Preeti is put out that Chelsea is goin' on ter Warren as Tanya left 'er in charge wile she's oray. Elsewhere, Bradley tells Stacey that 'e's split wiv Preeti. Tuesday 29 May 2007 Denise grounds Libby and refuses ter let 'er spot Darren. Darren, right, meanwile, asks Keiff ter talk ter Denise. Dot later sends Bradley out for fags, frets over the bleedin' loomin' smokin' ban and longs for a proper pram for baby George. Elsewhere, Preeti tells Chelsea that 'er date wiv Warren were a disaster. Darren asks Keiff about the £2,000 'e 'as stashed oray. Meanwile, Sean interrupts Warren flirtin' wiv Chelsea. Right. Chelsea later tries ter get Carly ter go out on a date wiv Warren, right, and she agrees. Elsewhere, right, Rob tells Dorn that May 'as signed the divorce papers. An excited Dorn finks Rob may propose ter her. Fursday 31 May 2007 Dorn is annoyed wiv Rob as 'e seems reluctant ter want ter marry 'er. Rob, right, meanwile, is unable ter stand the atmosphere any longer and goes for a pint. Meanwile, right, Bradley, still 'untin' for missin' Marge, right, realises that Jim 'as frown 'er out wiv the bloody rubbish. He rushes out ter Chas'n'Dave 'er just as the bleedin' builders frow the rubbish bag into the fire. Elsewhere, Carly and Warren's date turns into a disaster as Warren gets Carly on 'er own at Pat's 'ouse, right?

Apr 2007

2007-09-17T20:11:00.000+01:00

Monday 2 April 2007 As Stella continues ter mess wiv Ben’s loaf of bread she’s frilled ter overhear 'im beggin' Phil ter marry 'er. Jane 'as reservations as Ian decides they’re movin' into Pauline’s. Tuesday 3 April 2007 Phil proposes wen Stella says she’s been offered a Uncle Bob in Manchester. Darren enlists the bloomin' help of the bloody blue rinse brigade. Dot’s fumin' wen Yolande tries ter introduce a smokin' ban at the launderette. Fursday 5 April 2007 Ian’s kids are spooked at the bloomin' idea of sharin' an 'ome wiv the ghost of Auntie Pauline. Will the move go ter plan or will Phil put a spanner in the bleedin' works, eh, guv? Tanya’s besieged by OAPs demandin' free perms. Rob worries about May’s next move. Will she right set out ter ruin 'im? Friday 6 April 2007 Stella makes Ben feel bad wen 'is dad fights 'is battles for 'im. Ian finds a final restin' place for Pauline’s ashes. Darren finks 'e knows 'oo nicked Billy’s French Tutors. Rob twists the knife after May does 'er worst. Monday 9 April 2007 Dot makes a surprisin' discoright wilst on a day trip wiv Jim. Hammer and tack on the Square, Bradley bonds wiv Janet. Tuesday 10 April 2007 Minty and Naomi try ter work out woss wrong wiv Garry before 'e does sumfink stewpid. Meanwile, Dot is determined ter keep Fomas safe. Fursday 12 April 2007 Jim makes 'is feelings right clear ter Dot 'oo is strugglin' ter do the bloody right fin'. Garry feels the pull of family ties. Friday 13 April 2007 Dot and Jim are forced ter deal wiv the consequences of Jim's decision. Minty is delighted ter meet Garry's muvver. Monday 16 April 2007 Garry's mum 'as overstayed 'er welcome in 'is mince pies and she 'as certainly made an impact on Minty. Meanwile, Stella is copping caught up in 'er weddin' plans but so is Peggy... Weddings are also causin' misunderstandings between Denise and Kevin. Elsewhere, right, Jay discovers Bert's alarmin' secret. Tuesday 17 April 2007 Denise and Kevin's weddin' date is causin' problems in the chuffin' Wicks 'ousehold. Meanwile, Phil, right, 'oo is concerned about Ben's odd behaviour, right, dampens Stella's excitement about 'er own weddin'. Elsewhere, Jay and Bert are reconciled. Fursday 19 April 2007 Phil, right, Max and Kevin 'ave an after 'ours drink at the Vic and chat about Barney Rubblesome kids and ruddy ladies. Phil is worried about Ben, 'oo is bein' "'ave a looked after" by Stella up the apples and pears, but Kevin finks 'e 'as the bleedin' answer ter Ben's odd behaviour. Deano, meanwile, is still refusin' ter go ter the weddin'. Friday 20 April 2007 Phil and Ben 'ave some favver-son time – but will Ben tell 'is dad woss been gahn on? Meanwile, right, evry geezer's after Deano but 'e's not 'avin' any of it. Elsewhere, it's Mickey and Li's 'ousewarmin' – will it be a success, isit?And Jim and Dot arrive hammer and tack in the bloody Square wiv a surprise. Monday 23 April 2007 Jim and Dot invite the family 'round ter reveal their secret. Meanwile, Deano is still cross wiv Shirley and Kevin for not rememberin' Jimbo, and the situation escalates... Tuesday 24 April 2007 It's the chuffin' stag and 'en knees-up night but it's not all fun, especially for Shirley and Pat. Meanwile, Dot insists ter Jim that evry geezer will believe their cover story, right, but Jim ain't so sure. Elsewhere, right, Li's secret is revealed by Gus – 'ow will Mickey react, eh? Fursday 26 April 2007 It's the day of Kevin and Denise's weddin' but all ain't gonna plan, as Shirley is determined ter make an appearance. Elsewhere, Mickey 'as an interview, right, thanks ter Bradley, right, and Stacey returns from 'oliday. Friday 27 April 2007 Kevin worries if 'e 'as ruined 'is and Denise's relationship followin' 'is revelation. Meanwile, Li 'as an idea about a Uncle Bob for Mickey, and Stella and Phil begin their weekend oray. But Phil 'as a surprise in store, right? Monday 30 April 2007 Max tells Stacey that 'e is gonna spot an estate agent about copping a flat, right, but Stacey is sceptical. Meanwile Bradley and Preeti's relationship develops

Mar 2007

2007-09-17T20:09:00.000+01:00

Fursday 1 March 2007 Sean finks 'e knows Max's secret and determines ter tell Tanya. Ian goes upmarket and 'olds a dinner knees-up for 'is birffday. Bert is worried about social services comin' ter visit. Friday 2 March 2007 Max starts ter believe there might be sumfink between Sean and Tanya. Keiff inspires Libby in a new business venture. Bert spends 'is first day at work. Monday 5 March 2007 Are May and Rob ready for Dorn's resolute return ter the Square, then, eh? Shirley takes Deano on a night out that 'e will never forget and Sean 'elps Chelsea deal wiv Tanya. Tuesday 6 March 2007 Dorn decides ter confront May but is shocked by 'er reaction, init? Carly forces Deano ter choose between Shirley and 'er and Mo gets a visit from Customs & Excise. Fursday 8 March 2007 Pat and Shirley come ter blows wile Carly and Denise realise that it is time ter let Kevin go. Friday 9 March 2007 Fate sends Kevin hammer and tack to the Square but will 'e be welcomed 'ome? Monday 12 March 2007 Kevin goes ter see Pat and Deano, right, 'oo welcome 'is return, but Denise is still annoyed at 'im, right? Meanwile, right, Stacey goes ter lunch wiv Max, right, but ends up leavin' upset. Peggy discovers that Ben got lost in The London Dungeon and confronts Stella, right, 'oo asks Ben 'ow they can be muckers if she can't trust 'im. Elsewhere, right, Rob tells Dorn 'e is gonna apply for a Uncle Bob in 'ull and Keiff receives £200 from Rob for financial support for Dorn. I'll get out me spoons. Later, Phil is annoyed that 'e 'as received a letter freatenin' court action over Billy's unpaid council tax bills. Tuesday 13 March 2007 Abi encourages Ben ter go 'ome wiv 'er and tell Tanya about Stella, right, but 'e is too scared. Later, Ben wotches a DVD wiv Stella. She makes some 'ot chocolate, right, but, right, after stirrin' it, right, she presses the bleedin' hot spoon onto Ben's 'and. Elsewhere, May wants ter rent a flat for Dorn in a bid ter get 'er oray from 'er family, and Stacey goes ter the Vic after 'avin' a makeover, but runs out after bein' laughed at. Meanwile, right, Billy is worried about brass and feels useless wen Tanya offers 'oney a Uncle Bob as the receptionist at Booty. Fursday 15 March 2007 Billy wishes 'e were the bloody main breadwinner in the bloody family and decides ter put a business plan togeffer. Dorn, meanwile, hates livin' in 'er new flat. Stella tells Phil that she 'ad a luvly day wiv Ben, and 'e suggests that she moves hammer and tack into The Vic. Tanya later speaks ter Phil, and Stella admits feelin' embarrassed about 'er argument wiv Tanya. Meanwile, Kevin apologises ter Denise and proposes ter her. Alffough she is initially annoyed, she agrees – much ter Shirley's disappointment. Elsewhere, Stacey asks Bradley ter come over ter her 'ouse, but Max sends 'er flowers and says 'e wants ter move ter a villa wiv 'er. Tuesday 20 March 2007 Honey takes brass from Billy, right, 'oo later tries ter conceal 'is identity wen Mr Talbot, right, a bailiff, right, pretends ter be a customer. Keiff lands 'im in it by callin' 'im by 'is name. Honey, 'oo is unorare of the brass problems, buys Pat £50 of vouchers for Booty. Pat comes ter the video shop just in time ter see Billy 'andin' over brass, and begs 'im ter tell 'oney about 'is problems. Right. Later, right, Honey 'as some excitin' news but does not want ter tell Billy. Meanwile, Stacey needs ter find a place ter meet Max, so she nicks the chuffin' keys for the bloody Fowlers' 'ouse. Wen 'e realises their appointment wiv the accountant clashes wiv 'is date wiv Stacey, Max lies ter Tanya and tells 'er 'e needs ter meet a client. Max and Stacey are forced ter hide wen Ian shows up at the Fowlers' 'ouse wiv a locksmiff. Fursday 22 March 2007 Mickey spots 'oney leave the surgery and asks if evryfink is okay. Billy arrives 'ome and is baffled ter find that 'oney ain't there. Mickey mentions ter Billy that 'e 'eard 'oney goin' on about jabs wiv May and, after much persuasion from Pat, Honey comes tidy about 'er big secret. Meanwile, Chelsea finks Preeti should make a move on Mickey, and Dorn goes ter the salon ter have 'er 'ighlights done – but it don't quite turn out as expected. Stacey 'ave a looks amazin' as she leaves Booty and Max approaches 'er askin' if she wants ter see 'im. She is annoyed that 'e finks she'll drop evryfink for 'im. Meanwile, Bradley asks Preeti out for a drink and she accepts. Elsewhere, May arrives at the salon and asks ter talk ter Tanya in private. She explains that Dorn is 'oldin' them ter ransom over the baby. May gets upset and Tanya comforts 'er, right, apologisin' for wot 'appened wiv Dorn's 'air. Friday 23 March 2007 Wilst at Peggy's birffday knees-up in The bloomin' Vic, right, Tanya accidentally spills Champagne on Stacey's top and Stacey freaks out. The bloomin' pair fight until they are dragged apart by Max and Sean. Meanwile, right, Rob tells Dorn that 'e wants ter see 'er and she arrives at the rub-a-dub 'ave a lookin' amazin'. May tells 'im ter go and speak ter her – and the bloody pair end up kissin' in the alley. Rob reassures May that 'e's sorted fings out wiv Dorn and she is pleased; by Monday it will be too late for Dorn ter have an abortion. Monday 26 March 2007 Dorn learns the bleedin' surrogacy contract isn’t legally bindin'. Stella drops Ben’s 'earin' aid in a cup of tea. Stacey distracts Max from 'is babysittin' duties. Phil agrees ter fund Billy’s new business. Tuesday 27 March 2007 Stella promises ter protect Ben from the bleedin' school bullies then sets 'im up ter take a beatin'. Rob ends it wiv Dorn. Billy’s French Tutors are nicked. Sean turns dahn a family 'oliday wiv 'is mum. Fursday 29 March 2007 Ian’s appalled ter see Ben’s bruises and is doubly shocked wen Ben tells 'im Stella did it. Dorn discovers Rob’s deceit and tries ter have an abortion – but it’s too late... Honey sets 'er sights on the chuffin' old Fowler 'ouse. Dot refuses Yolande’s 'elp. Friday 30 March 2007 Ben admits the truff ter his dad but is terrified of psycho Stella 'oo tracks 'im dahn ter the Arches. Max books Stacey an 'oliday wiv 'er mum. Billy’s left out in the cold. Dorn ends up in 'ospital wen the news she’s too late for an abortion sends 'er reachin' for the vodka… Rob’s devastated and rushes ter her bedside, right, beggin' 'er ter forgive 'im and tellin' 'er she’s the one 'e right luvs. Tearful Dorn doesn’t believe a word 'e says – until 'e proves it by walkin' out on May! Right!

Feb 2002

2007-09-17T20:08:00.000+01:00

Fursday 1 February 2007 Peggy suggests that Phil should take the rest of Stella's stuff ter her. Ben overhears and leaves, and Phil goes after 'im leavin' an exasperated Peggy behind. Elsewhere, Dorn wotches as Rob and May share a mument. Dorn later puts the mockers on Rob on 'is way hammer and tack from the toilet and demands ter know why 'e 'asn't told May. He says 'e 'as ter talk ter her about sumfink else first. Friday 2 February 2007 Denise reveals ter Pat and Deano that Kevin didn't come 'ome last night. Pat goes ter check Carly's room and Denise is clearly worried. Pat, Deano and Denise question Carly about Kevin. Meanwile, Dorn visits Rob – she's not sure that she can go ahead wiv 'is plan. Rob tries ter convince 'er that it is the chuffin' right course of action and tells 'er that 'e'll 'ave ter reffink fings if she don't agree. Monday 5 February 2007 Carly is workin' at the Arches wen she receives a call tellin' 'er ter go 'ome. Pat, Denise and Deano are wiv PC 'enderson and they tell 'im they've 'ave a looked for Kevin. Carly arrives, determined ter hold fings togeffer, but Deano panics wen PC 'enderson rabbit and porks about a missin' geezer report. Meanwile, right, Ben asks Phil if they can go oray somewhere at 'alf-term. Ian winds Phil up and Phil retaliates. Tuesday 6 February 2007 Carly tells Mickey that she's been fired and snaps wen Mickey suggests that Kevin will be able ter find 'er anuvver Uncle Bob. Meanwile, May, right, Rob and Dorn return from the bleedin' scan. Dorn ain't interested but May is excited. Cor blimey guv! Rob tells Dorn 'e'll call 'er later if 'e can cop oray. Fursday 8 February 2007 Rob receives a text message from Dorn about their night in the bloomin' hotel and replies just as May enters the room. Meanwile, right, Darren is preparin' ter take some packages ter the Post Office and arouses Mickey's suspicions wen 'e grabs the chuffin' post. He opens a bank statement and seems pleased wiv 'imself. Friday 9 February 2007 Dorn decides ter go and stay wiv Rosie for a few days. Meanwile, Rob tells May that 'e is gonna end fings wiv Dorn. May reassures 'im that she 'ad a mumentary lapse and that she's not so bad; 'e should go and make sure that Dorn is okay. Elsewhere, right, Phil overhears Peggy on the bloomin' dog and bone to Stella and is about ter cut in wen Ben walks in. Cor blimey guv! Monday 12 February 2007 Phil tries ter explain ter Ben that 'e is seein' Stella again but Ben already knows as 'e seen ffem kissin'. Phil asks 'is son ter accept that 'e likes Stella and, right, later, she visits Phil ter find out 'ow 'is chat wiv Ben went. Elsewhere, right, Pat and Denise are concerned about Carly, right, 'oo 'as been in 'er room all weekend. They become even more worried wen they 'ear 'er leavin' the bleedin' house wivout goin' on ter ffem. Tuesday 13 February 2007 Charlie gives Stacey a card just as she is rushin' out the door, and is curious ter know 'oo it's from. Bradley, meanwile, arrives 'ome ter find flowers from Lydia and is pleased ter discover she 'as managed ter get some time off work later. Elsewhere, Ben gives Phil the bloody silent treatment as Phil tries ter talk ter him concernin' wot 'e said about Stella. Fursday 15 February 2007 Wen a rough-'ave a lookin' Deano arrives 'ome in a taxi, evry geezer demands ter know where 'e's been. They're only worried but Deano reacts badly: if this is the chuffin' welcome Kevin would get, ffen it's no wonder 'e's stayin' oray. Meanwile, Tanya is annoyed wiv Max for not turnin' up the bloody previous night. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? She tricks 'im into meetin' 'er for lunch and then reveals that they are gonna a marriage guidance session. Friday 16 February 2007 Denise offers ter cook breakfast for the family as she listens ter ffem discussin' Kevin. Libby, meanwile, right, don't want ter go ter school but Denise insists she must. Elsewhere, Stacey approaches Max in the chuffin' café and tells 'im that she 'as lost an earrin'. Monday 19 February 2007 Shirley tells Denise she's 'eard that Kevin is alive. She then asks if Denise is movin' out of Pat's 'ouse, but Denise don't rise ter the bloody bait. Denise tells 'er girls she wants them ter leave Walford. Tanya tries ter dog and bone Max but 'e don't answer. Wen 'e arrives at the chuffin' salon, Max reminds Tanya of their counsellin' appointment. Preeti overhears and is surprised 'e remembered. Tuesday 20 February 2007 Denise rabbit and porks ter Pat about leavin' Walford. Pat is disappointed, right, as are Libby and Chelsea, but Denise is floored wen Yolande explains that Chelsean 'as asked if she can move into the bloomin' Trueman's. Later, as Yolande 'eads 'ome, she notices torchlight frough the Fowlers' window... Fursday 22 February 2007 Chelsea gives Preeti a makeover, alffough Preeti ain't 'appy, but Chelsea reassures 'er and tells 'er this is 'ow she'll win Mickey over. Mickey, right, meanwile, right, is nervously waitin' for Li wen she arrives all dressed up. Elsewhere, Deano and Carly are in the Vic and spot Shirley dancin' behind the bloomin' bar. But Carly is too embarrassed ter stay, and leaves. Friday 23 February 2007 Phil is impressed by Stella as she makes an effort for 'er day wiv Ben. Ian, meanwile, asks Phil 'ow Ben feels about spendin' the day wiv some bloke 'e don't like. Phil tells Ben in no uncertain terms that 'e is spendin' the day wiv Stella and that 'e must behave 'imself. Elsewhere, right, Sean attempts ter wind up Max. As Stacey waits ter hear from Max, right, Sean arrives 'ome and she sneaks out of the bloomin' back door. Monday 26 February 2007 To take 'er mind off Max, right, Stacey 'osts a knees-up for Preeti. Bert 'as a day of bein' irresponsible. May wants ter know why Dorn ain't comin' hammer and tack to Walford. Tuesday 27 February 2007 Sean pursues Tanya and manages ter get some time alone wiv 'er. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Billy 'as brass worries and Bert decides ter get a Uncle Bob

Jan 2007

2007-09-17T20:02:00.000+01:00

Monday 1 January 2007 Dot makes a shockin' discoright about Sonia but will she tell Martin wot she knows? Monday 1 January 2007 Kevin is rocked by the arrival of an unexpected guest 'oo freatens the Wicks family's 'appiness. Tuesday 2 January 2007 Martin is left reelin' by the allegations about Pauline, but 'oo called the bleedin' bobbies, then? Kevin is devastated by Carly's accusations. Fursday 4 January 2007 Sonia is 'orrified wen Martin reveals 'e knows 'oo is ter blame for recent events. The bobbies continue ter pile the pressure on Dot. Friday 5 January 2007 Sonia's world falls apart wen Martin discovers the truff behind 'is muvver's deaff on Christmas Day. Monday 8 January 2007 A forlorn Sonia is in the bobbies station anticipatin' the bloomin' arrival of 'er solicitor. Meanwile, right, back on the Square, Joe drops in at the Fowlers' ter collect 'is belongings. Joe tells Martin 'e’ll be hammer and tack for the chuffin' funeral but asks that they stay in touch – 'e and Rebecca are like family ter him. Sonia is relieved wen Ritchie Scott arrives at the bloomin' station informin' 'er that Phil Mitchell 'as engaged 'er ter represent Sonia. Ritchie informs an 'opeful Sonia that Rebecca is the only witness in this case and she’s convinced there’s no way they’ll be able ter charge 'er based on 'er testimony. DI Kelly questions Sonia about 'er relationship wiv Pauline wiv Ritchie informin' 'im that accordin' ter the rules 'e’ll eever 'ave ter charge Sonia or let 'er go. On the Square, Martin's interrupted wen Rebecca tells 'im that she's seen Sonia. There's a knock at the door – it's Sonia. He forces the door shut and locks it before 'eadin' for the apples and pears. Sonia 'ave a looks up at Rebeca’s window, right, stiflin' 'er tears wen she spots 'er 'ave a lookin' dahn. Martin appears behind Rebecca and moves 'er from the window, shuttin' the curtains decisively. Meanwile, right, the bobbies continue ter question the residents of Albert Square; Rob and May go out for a romantic evenin' meal much ter Dorn's disappointment; Stacey babysits for Max and Tanya; Denise relents and gives Deano Shirley's number; and Martin demands answers from Phil. Tuesday 9 January 2007 Sonia continues ter reassure Dot by remindin' 'er she's free now and Martin will come round in time, wile Martin fills Mickey in on Sonia's release and 'ow Phil 'irin' a bent loryer confirms 'er guilt. Sonia approaches Martin in the Square tellin' 'im that Ritchie made no difference – the bobbies would 'ave released 'er any road due ter lack of evidence. Martin is unmoved and sneers wen 'e spots 'er loaf of bread to the Vic. Sonia vows ter pay Phil hammer and tack evry penny she owes for Ritchie but 'e tells 'er that 'e respects the bleedin' fact that she's always stood up for 'erself wich is why 'e 'elped 'er out. The bloody Vic regulars, right, meanwile, right, continue ter speculate about Sonia. At the Fowlers', DI Kelly arrives ter speak ter Martin, init?He don't relish the news 'e brings - Martin is left in shock. After searchin' the Square for Sonia, Martin finds 'er at the chuffin' Vic and launches into a furious outburst against 'er – the bobbies are keepin' Pauline’s body until the post mortem results are back: that’s why there’s a lack of evidence, not because she’s innocent… Meanwile, the Millers try ter talk ter Dorn about 'er situation. Dorn confides in Carly about 'er disastrous night wiv Rob and May – she realises that she's just bein' used. As the bloody pair rabbit and pork, an idea forms and she leaves Carly wiv a cryptic smile. Dorn tells May she needs more brass or the deal is off. Rob later confronts Dorn about 'er demand and Dorn is taken aback wen 'e suggests drorin' up an official contract givin' 'er an allowance of a fousand pounds a monff wile pregnant and a furffer ten fousand on 'andover. I'll get out me spoons. Wen asked, right, Rob struggles ter tell Dorn that 'e don't luv 'er. Elsewhere, Deano finally decides ter visit 'is muvver; Billy and 'oney return from 'ospital wiv Petal; Phil can't understand why Martin would want Sonia ter go ter prison; and Sean returns 'ome much ter the shock of Stacey 'oo's in bed wiv Max… Fursday 11 January 2007 A desperate Sonia tries ter get 'old of Ritchie Scott. She 'eads ter the bobbies station: she wants ter clear 'er name and spot her daughter. Meanwile, Ian tries ter persuade Martin ter keep it togeffer for Rebecca’s sake. Sonia knocks on the Fowler’s door but Martin tells 'er ter go oray. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. She barges open the bloody door and demands ter see Rebecca, right, pleadin' wiv 'im ter make Rebecca spot she’s not guilty. Sonian 'eads ter the Vic in tears and rabbit and porks wiv Phil – 'e'll 'ave a word wiv Martin. Phil makes 'is way across ter the bloomin' Fowlers', right, slammin' the door shut behind 'im. Wile the bleedin' pair are goin' on, there's is a knock at the door and DI Kelly enters wiv news about the bloomin' post-mortem. Martin bursts of the Fowler’s front gate determined ter hunt Sonia dahn… Phil informs a shocked Sonia that they’re gonna nick 'er for murder - she needs ter leave immediately. Meanwile, Sean begins ter question Stacey about 'er break-up wiv Bradley, do wot guvnor! He 'olds up Max's tie askin' 'oose it is wile a tense Max leaves a message for Stacey askin' 'er ter call 'im. Later, Stacey tells Max they need ter cool fings, right? Stacey is put out, however, wen Max tells 'er ter act singgle in an attempt ter ffrow Sean off-track. She later agrees ter meet up wiv Dermot - a workman – in the Vic wiv Preeti. That night, Max is unsettled ter see Stacey flirtin' wiv Dermot and Sean warns the chuffin' workman off 'is sister - Dermot laughs off 'is freats. Elsewhere, Dorn lets Carly in on 'er plan ter lure Rob oray from May; and Mo 'eads off ter make arrangements for 'er 'oliday wiv Belinda ter Lanzarote. Friday 12 January 2007 Martin is annoyed ter discover that the bobbies 'ave been unable ter trace Sonia. Ian suggests they speak ter Phil but not ter make a scene as it's the chuffin' day of Pauline's prayer service. As Ian, right, Jane, Dot and Jim gaffer waitin' for Martin, right, Jim is angst ridden claimin' 'e should be out searchin' for Sonia. Ian angrily reminds 'im they’re there ter remember Pauline. On the Square, right, the bobbies arrive at the bloomin' Arches ter speak ter Phil – 'e pulls Sonia over ter the pit where she disappears under a car. They question Phil about 'is relationship wiv Sonia. DI Grimwood bends ter 'ave a look at the car Sonia is 'idin' under - 'is mobile falls into the pit. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Phil firmly insists 'e retrieve it and, right, wen they've gone, right, he leans against the car in disbelief at 'avin' just got oray wiv it. Sonia is in a complete panic tellin' Phil she needs ter move. Sonia, however, right, knows if she does a runner she’ll never spot Rebecca again. Phil returns ter the bloody Arches wiv 'is cash but is 'orrified ter find that it's already open that it’s already open. He slides it hammer and tack to discover Sonia gone. Jane is shocked wen Sonia turns up beggin' ter see Rebecca. A reluctant Jane shows Sonia into the kitchen where a nervous Rebecca is surprised ter see 'er mum. Cor blimey guv! Sonia kneels beside Rebecca and tells 'er she luvs 'er more than anyfink else in the world and that she would never 'ave done anyfink ter hurt Granny Pauline. Jane rushes in - Martin’s on 'is way over… Meanwile, Dorn is underwelmed by Mickey’s excitement wen 'e spots Dorn’s scan photo, init?Rob is concerned wen 'e discovers May callin' the bloomin' ultrasound department realisin' that Dorn deliberately engineered it so May would miss the appointment. May is 'urt by Dorn’s cruelty but softens wen Rob produces the scan photo; she's completely orestruck. May arrives at the Millers tellin' Dorn that, right, to Chas'n'Dave 'er from any furffer embarrassment wiv Rob, in future she can deal wiv May for all financial and practical needs. May frows dahn an 'eap of cash – Dorn’s first instalment for services rendered. Elsewhere, Sean refuses ter sign 'is mum's birffday card; Deano comes tidy ter an incredulous Chelsea; and the game continues between Max and Stacey. Monday 15 January 2007 Deano struggles ter hold it togeffer as Chelsea discovers the truff about 'is visit ter Shirley. Stella tries ter probe a reticent Ben about Phil's mates. Max and Stacey enjoy a risky rendezvous in the Vic. Tuesday 16 January 2007 As the chuffin' shocked residents take in the full 'orror of the bloody accident, a desperate Denise tries ter contact Kevin. Fursday 18 January 2007 The bleedin' Wicks family anxiously wait for news as an unconscious Deano lies in 'ospital, but 'oo called Shirley, then, eh, guv? A guilty Max does 'is Mae West to avoid Stacey. Ben ruins Stella's birffday plans for Phil. Friday 19 January 2007 Phil is shocked by an unexpected visitor on 'is birffday 'oo is out for revenge. Shirley is devastated by Deano's accusations. Naomi 'as some good news for Garry and Minty. Monday 22 January 2007 An anguished Martin 'unts for clues ter Sonia's whereabouts, convinced that Phil knows more than 'e's admittin'. The Wicks family prepare for Deano's return from 'ospital. A guilty Max tries ter avoid Stacey. Tuesday 23 January 2007 Martin takes Ben 'ostage ter get some answers from Phil about Sonia and Rebecca. Rob becomes increasingly suspicious by Dorn's strange behaviour. Carly finally loses it wiv Shirley. Fursday 25 January 2007 A surprise return from Martin's past forces 'im ter Nanny Goat Race some difficult truffs about 'im and Sonia. I'll get out me spoons. Shirley finds a new 'ome in Walford. Rob tries ter convince Dorn 'e luvs 'er. Friday 26 January 2007 Dot 'ears more than she bargained for wen Joe returns 'ome unexpectedly. The Wicks family are strugglin' wiv Shirley's decision ter stay in Walford. Monday 29 January 2007 Pat tells Kevin that Shirley 'as told 'er 'is secret. Meanwile, Stella apologises ter Phil about Sonia but is interrupted by Ben, 'oo 'as 'ad a dream about the bridge. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Phil comforts 'im, leavin' Stella feelin' left out. Tuesday 30 January 2007 Carly and Deano struggle ter take in wot Kevin 'as told them, right, as Kevin tries ter explain. Dorn and Rob, meanwile, 'ave a look flustered as May nearly cotches them togeffer. Elsewhere, Abi and Ben plot different ways ter get rid of Stella and Abi suggests poisonin' the chuffin' chicken that Stella is cookin'